To ask how anyone manages school drop offs and going to work?

[BobbidyBibbidyBob]

Maybe I live in a bubble but bear with me.. I am expecting my first child. I currently leave the house at 07.30 and return home circa 19.30 5 days a week (commute to london circa 1.45hrs).

Now, I am aware this isn't necessarily sustainable, but the nursery we will likely use offer 07.30-18.30, so not too difficult to work with. But we live next to a primary school, drop off seems to be circa 08.40. Am I an idiot for wondering how people (seemingly mostly mothers) manage this and get to a job for 9am? Do they just.. not? I find it hard to believe they all have cushty wfh jobs with flexibility but maybe i am wrong? Work part-time? Use childminders or family to do drop offs?

Please someone tell me how you managed this. i haven't even had the baby and am worried about it!

Shared responsibility with DH. One does drop off, late start (9~ish) late finish. In our case my DH as he worked closest. One does early start 7.00am start (meaning a v early but traffic free commute) leave v early for pickup.

As parents it feels a bit like passing in the night for a while but as they grow older and take themselves to school it gets easier.

What do you mean by “the culture is female friendly”?

I’d be worry about having a job that means you’ll hardly see your kids in the week.

Agree with this 100%. Your priorities will shift and don’t be surprised if work comes a clear second. When a baby is born, a mother is born and your maternal instincts just take over. You’ll not want to be away from baby too much.

Where do you live OP?
The commute looks unsustainable. Particularly if you are both travelling that everyday.

Both of you need to start looking at WFH / flexible working set ups

This comes at a price though. £400 a month at my school per child for every day breakfast and after school club.

Breakfast and after school club. Here they only start at 8 and finish at 5 which isn't all together helpful. I WFH and DH and I split pick ups and drop off. Some days I collect them at 3 and take a late lunch to cover it. If I've started work at 8 it usually then means I only have an hour left to do.

Teacher.

I’m fucked. Commute is an hour each way and I need to leave at 6.30am. Wraparound starts at 7.30.

And first choice primary has NO wraparound.

FUCK ORRRRFFFFFFF.

A combination of childminder, family and is doing it.

Breakfast club and after school club for two days a week and a childminder does the drop off and pick ups three days a week

This plus wfh on all days it is an option, work in evenings & share pick ups and activity drop offs with friends

I'm a lone parent and am very lucky to have an understanding manager who is flexible. I drop off for breakfast club at 7:30, start work at 7:50, finish at 2:50, pick up at 3, then have roughly 5 hours that I make up in the evenings. Work 40 hours a week.

Actually I do a bit of both. Early drop off and one day of afterschool so I can work a normal day then make up the time for my other short days. It's too expensive to use more wraparound care and as a 50/50 parent I see too little of my DC anyway so would rather work longer hours when he's at his dad's.

I have little grandparent help with school runs and my partner isn't much good despite him WFH and me not, so I do all school drop offs and more than half the pick ups . I used after-school club from the first week of reception. I had understanding flexible employers. I've always worked in universities who aren't as much of a stickler for clocking on or off at certain times, I've occasionally done work stuff at night or stayed later when it was a possibility.

The commute is a killer. I used to do a 60 mile round trip and hated it, it adds so much time on. It'll improve your life if you find a job closer to home.

WFH if possible, condensed hours or part time.
If you don't have family help, research childminders in advance for pick ups as they get full fast.

Yes for me it's because I want to be present for my child after school. So I can sit in front of the tele with him, or bake a cake, or just be with him. I use breakfast club but prefer to make the rest up in the evening rather than eating into our precious little time together.

Full time work from home job and partner is self employed. I deliver and he collects, grandparents also pitch in when needed due to clubs etc

Yeah… teaching is seen as perfect for a parent but it is an absolute nightmare.

I guess it’s probably a bit easier if your child is at your school but I work in another town, DS1 is at a local school and DS2 is at nursery.
it’s expensive and exhausting.

That’s a completely standard commute in London.

@AllTheChaos really?

I would put 1hr 45mins into London everyday definitely on the toppy side. We've either lived in London or commuter belt / home counties for nearly 20 years and it's always been around an hour. My DH goes in 3 times a week and i go in around once or twice a month.

Sounds like OP is either a long way out or has a convoluted commute on rubbish lines. You can nearly get to Manchester in that time

If you live in London then 1 hour 45 is mad. Outside perhaps. An hour is more normal.

I agree it's not sustainable because of the times, unless you get a nanny. But these times are too tough for the baby.

Childminder before and after school and the do the drop off and pick up. I went to 4 days a week so I could do at least one day of going to school with them. Childminders can be better than before/after school club for some kids as it's more of a home from home environment. They did loads of activities some days and others had lazy days where they were shattered from school and just wanted a story or a bit of Peppa Pig. Many childminders also work in the school holidays which was a godsend for us.

I found the baby/ nursery years with just one child easier, I stayed in a demanding role but did a compressed week- so long days three days a week. It was a job-share with another person who did the same and we overlapped one day. Is that an option for you, OP? It meant I didn't see her at bedtime three days a week but for me having four full days with her felt like a good amount of time, the job share worked great as I really got on with the other person, and I was fully engaged on my working days. I also only needed to pay for two days of childcare (though it had to be a nanny due to the long hours) and my mum/ DH did one day.
It's way tougher if/ when you have more than one child and one is in primary school. They really need you once they start primary and you just want to be around and involved in their lives. I don't know how our life would work now if I wasn't in a totally flexible role. But then my DH does have a very inflexible job (which we made the decision to tolerate because of the pay)

Yes def hard with more than one. Op I stayed home for while creche fees too much. Felt so stress at work if creche rang. We hadnt much profit anyway fees for 2 kids. Its def hard going.

My dd’s in reception, school has a breakfast club that starts at 8 and my parents pick her up at 3 from year 2 they offer an after school club as well. My Ds’s nursery opens at 7:45 till 6:30 but either me, dp or my parents pick him up by 5:30 depending on who’ll finish first.

Why does no one make this comment to men who work those hours

With you doing such a long commute it is not sustainable when you have kids. You’ll be tired from having a kid to raise as well as working that’s why so many women go part time lot stop working altogether.
I work from home mostly so can drop my son off to school for 8.40am and be home at 9am to start the work day and can pick up at 5.30pm. He’s in clubs every day after school but as I don’t have a commute I don’t need to use breakfast clubs.