To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

[NiceTry]

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

How old was the girl?

Surely there are official policies about this kind of thing.
But IMHO she was wrong to break a confidence.

The girl was 14, 15 in April.

bang out of order imo. Breach of trust and confidence.

I agree with the above comments -- I'm afraid that IMO your friend did break a confidence in telling the girl's parents and should be disciplined.

The official policy (via child protection officer in school) is that parents do not need to be informed and confidentiality should be respected. My colleague (as a mother of a girl this age) could not live with herself if she did not tell this this girl's mother.

out of order it will stop other young girls in need of help confiding in her or even other teachers in the school for fear of being told on

Whilst we might not agree with the policy, the teacher should have stuck with it! Rules are rules and all that!

She shouldn't have told, but I can understand why she did.

Presumably if the girl had wanted her parents to know she would have confided in them. So your friend was wrong.

she shouldn't have told. if that girl ever gets into trouble again she might not go to anyone cos she would be too scared and not trusy anyone.

she shouldn't have told - the girl will tell her friends what happened and next time one of them is in distress about an issue they will feel it's impossible to confide in the school and may take drastic and harmful action.

I feel very sorry for your friend but the policy is correct IMHO and she should not have defied her employers and taken the law into her own hands.

She knew it was wrong but put herself in the parent's shoes. Her mother was more upset by the fact her daughter had not confided in her than the fact she needed to take a pregnancy test. If it was my daughter I would want to know and would hate other adults knowing and not me ( and would hope my daughter would be able to talk to me) however, I realise I don't have a right to know. It seems strange though that if a child wanted testing for diabetes or glandula fever parents would probably be notified.

I am a mother of girls, too, and whilst as a mother I would want to have known, I also have to accept that sometimes my child would make her own decision and that may include not telling me.

I think you have to stop thinking 'if I were the mother' and start thinking 'if I were the 14 year old'

I think your friend was in the wrong. For all the above reasons and for how horribly she has treated that poor teenager.

By the way she does (or did) have a very good relationship with this girl and her parents (probably why she confided in her in the first place) and was not being judgemental. My colleague has known the family for over 3 years. She did try to persuade the girl to discuss issues with her mum but the girl refused. (Her mum is pleased she was told, her daughter is not obviously). It was a positive decision for my colleague to go against the 'rules' she did not do this in ignorance so I guess she will have to live with the consequences.

"She knew it was wrong but put herself in the parent's shoes."

I can understand that, as a mother herself, she would do that. But in my opinion as a teacher she should have put herself in the girl's shoes.

I don't know what the ins and outs of this particular situation is, but there might have been some very important and particular reason why the girl had not wanted her parents informed. Honour killings have been set up for less. Or possibly there might be abuse at home and a family member involved.

Hopefully that is not the case in this situation, and this girl will not suffer from your friend's actions, but you can see what I mean - there can be very good reasons why it's better to respect a confidence, even aside from the obvious issues of it being important to encourage other girls in the same situation to come forward and seek help.

She was wrong, was she the school nurse? If so, doubly wrong. The school nurse should have seen her through the test then they would help her tell her parents, if negative help her source contraception and information on safe sex. Really wrong if she wasn't the nurse and just an interfering busybody. I hope she is severely punished, sorry

Doctors do not give out medical test results to the parents easily, the teen/young adult has the same right to privacy that adults have. I know some dr's won't even give prescriptions for antibiotics or asthma to parents

This poor girl will never trust anyone again, your friend has behaved appaulingly

i have been in that situation (the 15yo wanting a test). i didn't confide in anyone because i was scared they would tell somebody before i had decided what to do myself, so ended up in a family planning clinic which wasn't great.

that teacher has really failed the girl and of course she did it for fine reasons but it was wrong.

There must of been a reason why the girl chose her teacher instead of her mum. I would have been grateful that she had told someone of responsibility and not gone against her expressed wishes.

She shouldn't think "if I were the mother" or "if I were the 14-year-old". She should think about the guidelines for her profession.

I understand about the possibility of family abuse, incest, honour killings etc as does my colleague, and no she is not a nurse. She did know the family well (as much as you can know a family from outside it IYKWIM).The girl was upset about 'disappointing' her parents more than angering or upsetting them but you are right she will probably feel betrayed (but hopefully a little relieved also.)

NO, she betrayed a confidence and teenagers need to feel they can turn to people in authority and get support without the threat of their parents finding out.

Its the parents resonsability to find out if their daughter is sexually active and to make sure she is fully informed about contraception and having enough confidence not to do it with just anyone.