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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

506 replies

NiceTry · 13/03/2008 22:04

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

OP posts:
minorityrules · 14/03/2008 08:13

I'd like to know if the girl confided in this woman or this women found out on the grapevine about the situation

Also, this young girl may not have had sex. She may have been looking for support before she did anything and used the test with the nurse as a way forward to talk. She should have been safe, this whole situation is awful for her

As women we sometimes prefer to go to strangers for help and advice with 'womans' troubles, under 16's should also have that luxury

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 08:17

Morning everyone. I have been thinking about this and a part of me thinks that maybe this girl did want her mother to know. She could have gone with a friend to a chemist/doctor and got a pregnancy test without anyone knowing. Also, she has commited an offence in the eyes of the law (unlawful sexual intercourse) and it is a bit of a grey area as to whether this is a child protection issue - and if it is then parents have a right to know. If she had been 11 would the teacher have done the right thing by telling? Because in my opinion 14 is still a child. Also the issue of possible abuse within the family is a separate issue IMHO and should be dealt with via social services. (Imagine teachers unable to inform parents about their child's behaviour incase that child is beaten/abused etc.)

OP posts:
minorityrules · 14/03/2008 08:34

Stop trying to justify it, the woman did wrong, bigtime!

Yes she could have gone to a chemist but she chose, bravely, to confide in a responsible adult, then her confidence was betrayed

I still want to know if this girl actually confided in your friend

pruners · 14/03/2008 08:36

Message withdrawn

pruners · 14/03/2008 08:38

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear · 14/03/2008 08:49

Do you not see how the lack of trust that teacher has displayed is going to have an impact in the future? Regardless of the FG (which do apply afaik) that girl will have started the conversation with "please don't tell my parents...". Next time, she'll not bother telling anyone.
pruners I think it is an offence for anyone to have sex with a girl under 16, but obv if both are 15 it's a lot less significant than, say a 15yo and a 12yo.

TheHedgeWitch · 14/03/2008 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EffiePerine · 14/03/2008 08:54

has prob been said in a million different ways but she was wrong wrong wrong. Poor girl

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 08:57

Pruners, the legal age to consent to sexual intercourse is 16, therefore two 14 year olds having sex are commiting an offence. I do feel my colleague's behaviour was justified (and yes the girl did confide in her) - hence the reason I am annoyed that she is being disciplined. Where do we draw the line - if an 11 year old is sexually active do parents have a right to know?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/03/2008 08:58

You said it yourself - she confided in her!!

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 08:59

What if a child begs a teacher not to tell a parent they have been caught smoking, do the parents have a right to know?

OP posts:
Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 09:01

The confidentiality clause says that if the child is at risk of harm or harm to others then confidentiality can (and should) be broken. Sokme might argue that a sexually active 14 is at risk of harm.

OP posts:
flowerybeanbag · 14/03/2008 09:03

I thought same as Pruners, a girl under 16 having sex isn't the one breaking the law. Happy to be corrected if this is no longer the case but that's always been my understanding.

Nicetry your friend was very wrong, I am for the girl and all the other young people who will hear about this and not go to teachers for help and advice.

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 09:03

No-one has answered my question in the senario of an 11 year old requesting a pregnancy test from a teacher.

OP posts:
theyoungvisiter · 14/03/2008 09:03

Nicetry, I really can't believe that after the million good reasons MNers have given why this was a TERRIBLE thing to do, you still believe it was justified.

You haven't refuted or explained away a single one of the concerns listed on here.

How can she possible know there won't be repercussions for the girl at home?

How can she know there isn't violence or abuse in the family?

How can she be sure she hasn't irreparably damaged the girl's relationship with her mother?

How can she know that she hasn't irreparably damaged the girl's trust in authority? (and for that matter the trust of all the other pupils at the school).

How can she know that her actions won't result in another girl failing to confide in anyone and ending up in a life-threatening situation as a result?

And where is the moral justification for signing up to a school policy and a code of conduct and then unilaterally deciding to break that code?

You haven't addressed a single one of these points - and yet you still believe your friend was right.

StealthPolarBear · 14/03/2008 09:05

presumably she wasn't having sex on the school's property?
If caught smoking at school then IMO that's a different matter - also much much less contentious!

Original poster
NiceTry · 14/03/2008 09:06

You still haven't answered the question - if it was an 11 year old.

OP posts:
minorityrules · 14/03/2008 09:07

She should counselled the girl or left it in the TRUSTED hands of the school nurse, not go blabbing

I would like to think my girls had somewhere to go if they felt they couldn't talk to me. I would be furious if that person then came blabbing to me. They should be helping the girl think/talk through what they are going through and hopefully get them to confide in the parents

Smoking is very different to the possibilty of a teen pregnancy and underage sex, how can you compare the two? I'm not sure I feel I need to know about smoking

theyoungvisiter · 14/03/2008 09:08

You might as well be asking "what if she was raped by a martian".

She wasn't an 11-year old. That's a totally different scenario which doesn't apply here. We are talking about what your friend did to this girl - not what she didn't do to some hypothetical 11-year-old.

But to answer your question, if the girl in that case still didn't want her parents told then I think she should inform social services and let them deal with it. They are trained in child-protection and assessing situations like this whereas your friend (clearly) is not.

StealthPolarBear · 14/03/2008 09:08

when i was at school a couple (6th formers) were caught having sex afaik their parents were told as they were in school at the time.

StealthPolarBear · 14/03/2008 09:09

tyv brook agrees with you
www.brook.org.uk/content/M5_5_teachers.asp

minorityrules · 14/03/2008 09:12

This girl wasn't 11 though was she? I would imagine all schools have procedures to deal with these situations. An 11 is very different to a 14 year old and I would like to think the person confided in would seek advice on how to handle, if they didn't all ready know the procedures

No matter what the age it should be dealt with sensitively and with care, you friend did neither

thestands · 14/03/2008 09:19

Nicetry,
What your friend did was so wrong as to be unbelievable, where I use to work, if someone did this they would be sacked.

sandcastles · 14/03/2008 09:41

What if there was a real valid reason this girl had for her mother not knowing?

Your friend could have put this child in danger by telling.

Squiffy · 14/03/2008 09:46

Nicetry YABU and no amount of justifying it in your own head will actually change that.

We don't live in an ideal world with ideal mummys and daddies, we live in a real world with difficult relationships and difficult choices. Your friend has just burnt down bridges and made the world of that child and all of her friends much much more difficult to cope with.

Am so to read this thread. I really hope my children never get betrayed like this.