To be annoyed that my friend ( a teacher) may be disciplined for telling parents one of her pupils took a pregnancy test?

[NiceTry]

The girl had confided in her and the test was arranged, via school nurse but my colleague decided that the girl's parents should be informed and may now face disciplinary procedures because the girl had not consented to this (the test was negative by the way). Obviously the girl (and parents) are very upset. But did she do the right thing?

Of course she was wrong. And who in hell's name can that girl trust now? Next time she needs help and support from an older person?

This is why we have so many teenage pregnancies and young girls who giove birth in bus shelters.

the girl confided in her and so she took it upon herself to break that confidence and inform her parents!
so next time this girl, or any other who knows her, has a problem they will struggle through alone as they are too scared to tell anyone in case it gets back to the parents.

Im sorry but if i worked with this women i would be fuming.

In fact i would be so angry if i knew anything confidential about her i would go post it on the net, let her see what it feels like.

Very poor. This will have done serious damage to the girl's relationship with her parents, let alone her trust for adults in authority. The girl specifically said she did not want her parents told - the last thing she would have expected was that the teacher would then turn around and tell her mum. On what grounds did the teacher decide what the hell I'll tell them anyway? Did she really think the parent would appreciate being told in effect "your daughter doesn't trust you"? Of course not. I hope she gets seriously disciplined so that the girls at that school know it woun't happen again, because you can bet that this kid will tell all her mates that teachers are backstabbers.

god, do you know what, this thread has depressed me so much.

I keep thinking about that poor, poor girl, going through such a horrible traumatic event as a (possible) unwanted pregnancy, and then being betrayed by her teacher into the bargain.

Now she will have to live with the disappointment of her family and the knowledge that she has no-one to turn to in the future.

I hope when your friend thinks the matter over she realises what a truly terrible thing she has done.

she broke the pupils confidentiality, so no. she erroneously used her own morals/judgment to tell parents thus breaching a confidentiality.

Can you imagine the pupil must have been terrified of parents/boyfriend reaction she plucks up enough courage to tell an adult and they blab

she could have counselled the girl, liaised with school nurse. managed a plan of action in conjunction with the pupil about planned supportive disclosure to parents

Ok so I get the message I am being unreasonable to be annoyed by this. I wouldn't have told by the way but only because of the 'rules'. Still think a parent has a right to know of any medical procedures their child undertakes (while ever that parent has parental responsibility). I think my colleague and this girl will mend their relationship and she will see that she only did what she felt was best for her (and she is a child). She will probably be given a warning about this and it will go on her record, hopefully she will not be placed in the same situation again (word will get around!)

She 'decided that the girl's parents should be informed', did she? Despite knowing full well the girl had NOT given her consent to this? I bloody well hope she is very severely disciplined.

Bang goes any hope at all of the other pupils confiding in a teacher if there's something they really don't want to get back to their parents.

I recently requested to see my 13 year old ds's school record. In order for me to view this, he had to write a letter saying he gave his permission for me to do so.

I am very sorry NiceTry but if I as a parent cannot get permission to see my own child's school record because of invasion of his privacy, your friend the teacher should definitely NOT have told her parents.

There are trained personnel that would have helped the young girl through this if she had been pregnant and had to tell her parents.

You might think it, nicetry, but you'd be wrong. Legally and pragmatically.

And a pregnancy test is not a 'medical procedure'. A termination, had she opted for one, would I suppose be termed one.

Do you really think this girl will ever trust her again?

this could cause all sorts of upset and arguements now for that girl, and as the test was negative they really didn't need to know about it. had it been positive i still don't think the parents should be informed straight away. i was 17 when i got pregnant and i tried to decide as much as i could what to do before i discussed it with my parents because i didn't want them to sway my decision before i had thought about it all properly.

Incidentally I hope to hell that my daughters don't have teachers like that when they're 14.

habitually we tell young people if you are in trouble/distress/scared tell an appropriate adult. Hmmm Yeah so they can blab blab

your friend selfishly put her needs before those of a scared vulnerable pupil.she was in a position of trust. sheesh the girl will probably never trust another authority figure again.

when my son was having problems he confided in a teacher. I am glad that teacher kept his confidence. my son did tell me in the end. but it gave him thinking time. young people should be able to trust their teachers. so sorry your freind was wrong(even though she was trying to help)

nicetry, would you consider printing this thread out and showing it to your friend?

I am concerned that you and she both seem to think that she did the right thing in spite of all the reasons mners have given here to the contrary.

Perhaps she needs another perspective on her actions to realise why the school policy is the way it is?

if i had a daughter i would rather not be told and her confidence kept than my daughter be too scared to tell anyone and hide it for months.

good idea, theyoungvisiter. Especially as everyone commenting is a mother themselves - the teacher might, wrongly, have assumed mothers would back her up and insist on some fallacious 'right to know'.

Still think that usually the best person to advise and want the best possible outcome for a child in any situation is a parent (or someone who loves them unconditionally). What if the test had been positive? What if there is a possibility of the girl contracting an STD? What if the girl had been raped? etc What if the girl(child) did not know what was best for her?

Those are an awful lot of 'what ifs' Nicetry. Perhaps your friend could have called on her professional skills and found this information out from the girl herself rather than breaking her trust.

Well, actually, given that 'her mother was more upset by the fact her daughter had not confided in her than the fact she needed to take a pregnancy test' it sounds as if the family dynamics are a bit weird in any case, to my mind.

if the test was positive obviously the parents would have to be informed but i think that should be after the girl has had time to think about what she wants first for the reasons i stated below. the school nurse will have given her advice and probably arranged for an appointment so she can be tested for any STI's. yes the girl may have been raped but it is up to her when she feels ready to tell people. what if it had been a family member who had raped her who might have hurt her more for "telling?"

I am actually quite angry about this.

So many young girls i have worked with have had really difficult and depressing situations with either unwanted pregnancies or unsupported terminations because they didn't feel tehy could trust any of teh adults they knew.

Your friend had the oppertunity to become a trusted adult, not only to this girl but every other girl in teh school.
she could have held her hand whislt she waited for the blue line.
when (thankfully) it was negative she could have sat and had a reasoned and calm discussion about contraception or better still abstanence. she could have discussed the relationship this girl is in with her. explained that what was happening was illegal, and informed the girl that whilst she did not condone the behaviour she was there for her.

the word would have gotten round that "miss x is safe, you can tell her stuff without her getting mad."
Other kids who found themselves in difficult situations would go to her.
she could do so much good.

Instead she single handedly ruined any chance any child in her school or who knows this girl will ever have of feeling safe to disclose any informatino to an adult again.

I hope she is happy with her decision.

but Nicetry, maybe the girl's parents don't love her unconditionally. Your friend can't possibly know what goes on behind closed doors, no matter how long she has known the family.

Also has your friend thougth about the fact that the girl might possibly have come round to the idea of telling her parents in her own time? By blabbing your friend has effectively stolen that possibility from the girl and probably irreparably damaged the relationship between the girl and her mother.

She has taken away the girl's own right to be honest and open, and made her appear deceitful by default, without giving her the chance to be otherwise.

we all encounter difficult moral/social dilemmas in work but as professionals we abide by code of ethics and good practice not knee jerk anecdotal "as a mother reactions". sheesh if you want good ole back-fence mammy logic don't train to be a professional, or put your self in a responsible job.

the teacher should be disciplined.this is appalling conduct and judgment