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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

An attendance meeting at school for 5 days off since September

289 replies

Am898 · 05/12/2023 10:27

DD is 5. Since September she's had 5 authorised sick days off with today being one of them. This has been spread out for weeks and been sickness bug etc she's only had 2 days off in a row for a nasty sickness bug and the other 3 days she's not well enough to be in school.

Schools just rang me and said I need to book an attendance meeting as her attendance is too low now.. aibu to think this is a bit daft.. she's 5 years old and been off sick a few times, what does an attendance meeting entail 🤔

She's always at school on time and every time she has been sick it's been authorised as I've rang the office straight away so I'm feeling a bit confused now

OP posts:
HBZ287 · 05/12/2023 10:32

What’s her attendance percentage? Just politely decline if you don’t feel it’s worth it. Sounds like they are doing a tick box exercise.

Original poster
Am898 · 05/12/2023 10:35

Cant remember what the teacher said it was sorry! She just said it's going to drop lower with being off again today but like I say this is since September it's not like she is off often. She said they need to show the council they are dealing with low attendance, can I ring back and cancel and say I don't feel its worth it? I don't want them to think I'm hiding something if I don't go

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 05/12/2023 10:37

I would be saying that she has been sick each time and so there is nothing to discuss unless their policy is that children should be attending school with an active vomiting bug.

CatamaranViper · 05/12/2023 10:37

The school will have to do this if attendance falls or is at risk of falling below what they deem acceptable. She's essentially missed a week of school over the course of the first term.

But, kids catch everything at school, young kids especially. As long as she isn't falling behind or struggling with school life as a result, I don't think there is much they can say.

Our school encourage us to always 'try' with any illness, so try and come in and if they are bad enough, they'll be sent home. I get what they are saying but it's a nightmare as a working parent. Much easier to keep them off school and make arrangements than scrapping to find someone who can get to the school when called.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/12/2023 10:37

School’s are obsessed with attendance now, to the detriment of the poorly child and their classmates. Go to the meeting and challenge. She’s 5. Ours were constantly unwell in winter at that age. It all passed by around 7.

HBZ287 · 05/12/2023 10:39

I’d just decline. Say she has been unwell each time and is in school when well enough. It really is the school just trying to prove they are working on their attendance targets. It’s ridiculous.

NeedToChangeName · 05/12/2023 10:39

Could you ask for the meeting to be on Teams? I think best to be seen to co-operate as refusal / non-engagement could escalate this

And ask them to clarify the sickness policy

DuckBee · 05/12/2023 10:40

Is she actually compulsory school age? Check the definition and if she isn't then you don't need to do it.

Original poster
Am898 · 05/12/2023 10:43

She's 5 so I'm assuming she's compulsory school age. This is why I'm confused, every absence has been authorised. The teacher even said I hope she is feeling better soon.

She's not behind, parents evening 2 weeks ago they sang her praises so I don't think these sick days have knocked her behind at all

OP posts:
All2Well · 05/12/2023 10:43

Definitely go, as otherwise it will look like there is something to hide.

Be very firm regarding the sickness bug (it will be school's policy that she cannot attend whilst vomiting).

And the other incident/s explain that you can't send a child into school when they are too ill to attend. You can't guarantee she won't be off again as she is 5 and susceptible to illness...how do they suggest she stops catching things?

On the one hand schools' obsession with attendance, to the point where they will punish unhealthy children to prove a point (I've seen posts on here where an infant school child with leukemia was banned from attending the class party because they didn't have 100% attendance due to chemo!) is ridiculous but on the other hand poor attendance can be a sign of neglect or abuse so schools do have to keep an eye on children to make sure nothing is amiss.

It's a difficult situation all round.

gotomomo · 05/12/2023 10:46

The issue is not necessarily the 5 t to, it's 5 odd days ... if your child is sick eg chicken pox and they need a week off then school understands, they are more wary where parents keep them off for odd days because they "don't feel well" partly because it's only those who have sahp that do this, other kids seem to magically not get these illnesses. If your child gets sick then don't feel bad keeping them off, you just tell the school they were ill at the meeting.

Nonoatchristmas · 05/12/2023 10:47

Was any of these sicknesses when she was still 4? Technically she doesn’t have to be in school full time until she’s 5.

My son had several absences last year to the point of having a letter from the council. I contacted them back and pointed out every absences in detail, including the school sending him home due to illness (and one case injury) and other (more insane) reasons. Some were medical appointments that couldn’t be done outside of school hours (and quite honestly with how long we have to wait for these appointments, I’d never ask to reschedule anyway!). My other son was on a reduced timetable for a long time due to additional needs (different school, still mainstream) so his absence sheet looked abysmal but never heard a word about that…

The council thanked me for the information and never heard anything since. Funnily enough the school suddenly upped his support system so not sure if the council contacted them asking why the hell he was asked to stay at home when the rest of his class were on a trip (seriously). So maybe suggest you’ll speak to the council yourself if they feel there’s a issue and put the shits up them instead.

nutbrownhare15 · 05/12/2023 10:47

Compulsory school age is the term after they turn 5.

Ofa · 05/12/2023 10:49

It’s for the school paperwork to try to look good for Ofsted so that they can show that they are ‘tackling issues’

If you’re available just go to the meeting.

If you work during school hours, tell them that you are happy to have an attendance meeting but unless they can facilitate a meeting outside working hours it will need to take place on zoom and ask them to set up the meeting and send you a link.

I was summoned to one and like you was pissed off (I loathe how the UK harassess ill children and their families!) I nearly didn’t go, but I’m glad I went. The headteacher basically looked me over and asked me why my kid’s been absent, I was super pleasant and explained the symptoms and my frustration with constant illnesses coming home from school and asked what infection control measures are in place at school, do they regularly remind the children about handwashing and covering their mouths when coughing, do they children have free access to tissues in the classroom, do they have free access to water bottles to keep them hydrated, which soap do they use, how can the school help us prevent future illnesses etc?

The head wrote down an action point for the school and never asked to meet with me again 😬

But around the same time my friend also got summoned to a similar meeting. She went in looking like a mess and quite sweary/aggressive ‘it’s normal to be ill’ etc and the head decided that she was a crap parent who needs a bit of monitoring and she has since been summoned to many other meetings.

Hope that helps.

LG93 · 05/12/2023 10:51

Fwiw I do think 5 days since September is a lot, but ultimately if they're sick they're sick. I would engage with the meeting, as a pp said I think non engagement will be more of a concern than the sickness. It'll likely just be a chat, reiterate that everyone is on board with the sickness policy and that you're prioritising her education etc and doing what you can to get her into school.

spriots · 05/12/2023 10:54

If they're too ill for school that's that but I do think 5 days is a lot and you sound a bit blasé about it.

If you don't go to the attendance meeting, it will send the message that you don't care about attendance and that will make things worse.

Fairylightfurore · 05/12/2023 10:55

It's ridiculous. I would make it as hard as possible for them ( meeting can only go ahead outside of normal working hours) and make a formal complaint in them of the ridiculous situation whilst being super polite. I like the idea of coming up with a load of suggestions for them. Basically make it a pita and let them leave them meeting with more work than they came in. Hopefully that will change this crazy policy.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2023 10:57

gotomomo · 05/12/2023 10:46

The issue is not necessarily the 5 t to, it's 5 odd days ... if your child is sick eg chicken pox and they need a week off then school understands, they are more wary where parents keep them off for odd days because they "don't feel well" partly because it's only those who have sahp that do this, other kids seem to magically not get these illnesses. If your child gets sick then don't feel bad keeping them off, you just tell the school they were ill at the meeting.

Children of parents who work don't get sickness bugs or d&v? Gosh, is it the work ethic that keeps their kids so well??

SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2023 10:58

Op go, don't be defensive just be v clear that you cannot send in a vomiting child, you're not doing anything to make her unwell and so the situation is what it is. Hopefully she'll not be so poorly next term.

HBZ287 · 05/12/2023 11:00

@SleepingStandingUp - haha! Yeah, coz working parents are so superior! Or they send children in when they really ought to be at home (for their sake, and their peers).

TheCompactPussycat · 05/12/2023 11:02

Just arrange the meeting and explain that she was poorly. That will ensure the school are aware that you are open and supportive. There's no need to treat it like some sort of battle (one wonders why parents send their kids to school if they think they're such terrible places that they have to fight it at every opportunity). With 5 days off so far, your DD's attendance will have dropped to around 90% which is what has triggered the request for a meeting. It's a formality that you are far better engaging with for the sake of your DD.

HermioneWeasley · 05/12/2023 11:03

5 days in 3 months is a lot and this will be their policy. They can’t treat her differently because she’s not falling behind.

StaunchMomma · 05/12/2023 11:05

I know schools are under a lot of pressure from LEAs to improve attendance at the moment (figures have still not returned to pre-Covid levels) but some are taking it way too far.

Ours have demanded children go in unless have S&D or a temperature, which just isn't realistic. Who's going to force a teeny one with earache or a sore throat into school, in pain, just to please the attendance Police?!

I've had a warning letter for 6 days - 3 of which they know for a fact he was ill for as they sent him home ill from school and the other 2 for an upset tum and stomach ache.

They can, respectfully, stick that letter right up their butts and I'd be treating this 'attendance meeting' with the same level of disdain.

Genuinely sick kids do not learn well when they are forced into the classroom - the school just want a tick on the register!

ActDottie · 05/12/2023 11:07

5 days since September does seem a lot. But if she’s ill she is ill. I’d go along and just say exactly what you’ve said on here that’s she’s been genuinely ill.

StaunchMomma · 05/12/2023 11:07

HBZ287 · 05/12/2023 11:00

@SleepingStandingUp - haha! Yeah, coz working parents are so superior! Or they send children in when they really ought to be at home (for their sake, and their peers).

Spreading the misery to other kids and families!