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AIBU?

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Original poster

An attendance meeting at school for 5 days off since September

289 replies

Am898 · 05/12/2023 10:27

DD is 5. Since September she's had 5 authorised sick days off with today being one of them. This has been spread out for weeks and been sickness bug etc she's only had 2 days off in a row for a nasty sickness bug and the other 3 days she's not well enough to be in school.

Schools just rang me and said I need to book an attendance meeting as her attendance is too low now.. aibu to think this is a bit daft.. she's 5 years old and been off sick a few times, what does an attendance meeting entail 🤔

She's always at school on time and every time she has been sick it's been authorised as I've rang the office straight away so I'm feeling a bit confused now

OP posts:
ManchesterLu · 05/12/2023 12:53

CatamaranViper · 05/12/2023 10:37

The school will have to do this if attendance falls or is at risk of falling below what they deem acceptable. She's essentially missed a week of school over the course of the first term.

But, kids catch everything at school, young kids especially. As long as she isn't falling behind or struggling with school life as a result, I don't think there is much they can say.

Our school encourage us to always 'try' with any illness, so try and come in and if they are bad enough, they'll be sent home. I get what they are saying but it's a nightmare as a working parent. Much easier to keep them off school and make arrangements than scrapping to find someone who can get to the school when called.

"Try"? My god, that's awful. So the poorly children are encouraged to come in and spread snot and vomit everywhere before returning home? So instead of them being off for a couple of days, the whole class ends up ill? That's absolutely insane.

Bobbotgegrinch · 05/12/2023 12:53

5 seperate occurances is quite a lot to be off in 3 months.

I wouldn't worry about it, it'll just be a tick box exercise for them. A certain number of occurances will trigger a process for them. Go to the meeting, just tell them the truth that she had a cold on this day, was throwing up this day etc.

Stuff like this is to try and catch issues, make sure kids with home life issues don't slip through the cracks. However in order to do that you sometimes end up inconveniencing parents of kids who are fine. Annoying, but better than the alternative.

WalnutBlue · 05/12/2023 12:54

I think they are being ridiculous especially at this time of the year but my ds is a sickly child and picks up everything going.
I think he gets a cold at least once every 2 weeks, 4 weeks ago he had a bug with a temp that lasted 4 days Monday to Thursday so was kept off school all week.
So 5 days for a 5 year old is a bit silly.. What are you supposed to do send in a sick child? They just spread the sickness and get sent home anyway, then you have an even worse attendance problem.

yodaforpresident · 05/12/2023 12:55

How incredibly overbearing - sickness policy at DD's school is much more sensible.

If your child has vomiting or diarrhoea, they should not return to school until a minimum of 48 hours after the last episode of vomiting or diarrhoea. If they have a temperature, they should remain at home until the temperature has remained in normal range without the use of paracetamol or ibuprofen for a minimum of 24 hours. If your child has been poorly and has not yet begun to eat and drink well, please give them that extra day so that they are fully fit to return.

Mamabear48 · 05/12/2023 12:58

I personally think 5 days off since they went back is a lot. My daughter hasn’t had a day off (year 1) she goes in if she’s feeling a bit unwell (obviously not a temp or being sick) but by the time she gets there she’s usually fine. They will call if they need to be picked up. My daughter didn’t have 1 day off in reception and she had 2 days off in pre school cos she had chicken pox at the end of the term…

TeaWithASplashOfMilk · 05/12/2023 12:59

gotomomo · 05/12/2023 10:46

The issue is not necessarily the 5 t to, it's 5 odd days ... if your child is sick eg chicken pox and they need a week off then school understands, they are more wary where parents keep them off for odd days because they "don't feel well" partly because it's only those who have sahp that do this, other kids seem to magically not get these illnesses. If your child gets sick then don't feel bad keeping them off, you just tell the school they were ill at the meeting.

Wtf? Only SAHP do this? What a twattish comment. It's like saying only working parents send really sick kids in.

Caerulea · 05/12/2023 13:00

Broodywuz · 05/12/2023 12:49

Not sure I would call it lucky, don't think my DC have had less bugs than anyone else's but I don't think it's a very good life lesson to teach, you just don't go to school or work or whatever else it may by anytime you feel a little under the weather. We also need the circulation of bugs in children to build their immune systems.

Show quote history

As an adult you are able to make decisions about your own wellness & balance up things like risk to others etc.

Children cannot properly articulate their level of illness & so you make decisions for them. If your children were ill & you sent them in when they should have stayed home you will have unnecessarily spread that illness & then eventually it hits that person for whom it's much more serious. That's the point of vaccinations & guidelines for various sicknesses with returning to school/work after d&v. And with good reason! You send a child into school with something short-lived l, in terms of active illness, ike norovirus & you've got a huge (messy!) issue on your hands.

wishIwasonholiday10 · 05/12/2023 13:01

Broodywuz · 05/12/2023 11:08

This will be their policy if she's below a certain attendance %
5 days is quite a lot in that time, my 2 dc haven't missed 5 days of nursery combined in 4 years for sickness.

You must have been super lucky! My nursery age child has already had 9 days off since Sept (fever for 3 days, another fever for 4 days and vomiting bug for 2 days), all following the nursery’s exclusion policy (24 hr for fever, 48 hr for vomiting).

BlueMongoose · 05/12/2023 13:02

Back in Ye Olde Days I missed around 15% of my schooling for years due to endometriosis( not diagnosed at the time due to having crap GPs). Nobody at school gave a stuff about it. Nor did my useless and often rude GPs.
I suppose it's a good thing they're taking an interest. But I hope they make the process one of concern, and not like it's a summons for a disciplinary.

Andthereyougo · 05/12/2023 13:02

Your child is sick, you keep them home and look after them.
( as you did) If a school doesn’t like that tell them to fuck off clean up after you send your vomiting child into school.
British schools are beyond belief, no common sense whatsoever. Obsessed with ticking boxes.

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 05/12/2023 13:04

I wouldn’t go. I would compose an email reiterating her time off and reasons for the authorised absences.
As time goes on the percentage for attendance will increase. It’s just bad luck that it’s fallen below the threshold with it being the first term of the school year.

Desecratedcoconut · 05/12/2023 13:06

And they wonder why the trust capital between parents and teachers is completely spent?

Megifer · 05/12/2023 13:07

I had one of these, said it would have to be after 5.30pm when I finish work. Didn't hear back 😬

CHRIS003 · 05/12/2023 13:07

Am898 · 05/12/2023 10:43

She's 5 so I'm assuming she's compulsory school age. This is why I'm confused, every absence has been authorised. The teacher even said I hope she is feeling better soon.

She's not behind, parents evening 2 weeks ago they sang her praises so I don't think these sick days have knocked her behind at all

Education is compulsory - school is not. This is in the education act.
Remember this when dealing with the school this is school policy so they look good for ofsted.
While they are harassing you for genuine illness - I bet there are other kids who have worse attendance but their parents don't engage with the school so they don't tackle it .

Verbena17 · 05/12/2023 13:07

Make it clear to school that you won’t be attending the meeting because your DD was poorly for all 5 days she had off from school.

You could explain you would understand if it was a day a week etc but it was literally a couple of times of her being poorly, as all 5 year olds are.

Schools are obsessed with attendance…..until they’re not (covid).
She’s 5 and keeping up with everything and parents evening was perfect.

So it’s just for their stats they’re coming down hard.
If they get arsey, tell them that if she’s poorly again, you’ll be sure to bring her so she can vomit on their carpet 😂

Verbena17 · 05/12/2023 13:10

Andthereyougo · 05/12/2023 13:02

Your child is sick, you keep them home and look after them.
( as you did) If a school doesn’t like that tell them to fuck off clean up after you send your vomiting child into school.
British schools are beyond belief, no common sense whatsoever. Obsessed with ticking boxes.

100% (no pun intended) this!
❤️

TolkiensFallow · 05/12/2023 13:11

I was “invited” to attend one of those and was really irritated by it.

However, it wasn’t too bad … they said the main reason was to see if there was an underlying reason the child might not want to be at school or if we had difficulty getting them there. Anything they could help with basically. However they didn’t question when we said she was unwell and loved school.

They also asked if they could do anything and I said yes - make sure dc wears their coat at break and after school as they are 5 and I’m sick of her coming out in a t shirt in winter. They were quite obliging of this and I noticed an improved after.

Ended up feeling my irritation was disproportionate 😂

Justvurious · 05/12/2023 13:11

At my child's school if they have attendance that's low you normally have to bring proof eg appointment letter for doctor etc, prescription as an example. I know it is difficult and frustrating especially this time of year.

MrsMoastyToasty · 05/12/2023 13:12

The figures are worked out on the basis of the number of days of the school year already elapsed, not as a proportion of the number of days in the entire school year. 5 days out of approximately 90 days gives a totally different figure to 5 days out of approximately 270 days. So if she has no further sickness then the percentage attendance will start to increase.

Just ask them if the meeting can be held at 6pm!

Desecratedcoconut · 05/12/2023 13:14

Justvurious · 05/12/2023 13:11

At my child's school if they have attendance that's low you normally have to bring proof eg appointment letter for doctor etc, prescription as an example. I know it is difficult and frustrating especially this time of year.

I can see how that's achievable if you have a long stretch of absence but who can get a gp appointment within one or two days of sickness here and there? I mean, for a start, this is an unnecessary burden on gp surgeries.

SnapdragonToadflax · 05/12/2023 13:14

Broodywuz · 05/12/2023 11:08

This will be their policy if she's below a certain attendance %
5 days is quite a lot in that time, my 2 dc haven't missed 5 days of nursery combined in 4 years for sickness.

Christ, really?! Mine was ill every two weeks without fail in the winter he was 2/3 years old. It coincided with when Covid restrictions lifted and it was hideous. Every working parent I know has said the same - you get one winter when they pick up everything and you feel like you're on a treadmill of Calpol and sick buckets.

Thankfully he's now in Reception and has only had one day off so far, but I'm sure the kids who didn't go to nursery will be getting ill a LOT. Five days sounds about right to me. Probably another five next term too.

TimetoPour · 05/12/2023 13:15

I’m sure if your DD had two weeks off with chicken pox this meeting wouldn’t be happening. From your op though, it looks like she is had 2 days for D&V then three other odd days off. That’s four occasions of sickness in three months.

While it may not be the end of the world now, it does start a trend for the future if she has time off for every sniffle and each time she’s feeling a bit off.

Go to the meeting and see what they say. It won’t be a telling off, more just recommendations for helping get her in to school.

Supertayto · 05/12/2023 13:17

One to stick up for the school here. Schools and colleges are held to account by Ofsted over attendance to a, quite frankly, insane degree. I’ve just come out of an inspection where the top line attendance data was in the 90s but there were small pockets of provision where the attendance was sometimes in the 70s. The achievement data is very good. The conversations I had to have around the leadership response to this were absolutely ludicrous. My focus will now have to be on attendance to mitigate this as far as possible. That is time away from other more important areas of provision so that I can track attendance. It’s bats. Schools know that it’s bats. Attendance problems can fall into two areas of Ofsted judgements and one of those could limit the overall grade and then the school, its staff and community are forced into RI or worse. Most likely RI. Staff will then leave or stay but feel angry/demoralised. Parents will be upset/angry. It’s truly not a situation anyone wants to be in.

I would go to the meeting safe in the knowledge that no one really actually wants to be there and that we’re all just trying to muddle through a system that’s a bit shit.

TeaWithASplashOfMilk · 05/12/2023 13:19

Ofa · 05/12/2023 10:49

It’s for the school paperwork to try to look good for Ofsted so that they can show that they are ‘tackling issues’

If you’re available just go to the meeting.

If you work during school hours, tell them that you are happy to have an attendance meeting but unless they can facilitate a meeting outside working hours it will need to take place on zoom and ask them to set up the meeting and send you a link.

I was summoned to one and like you was pissed off (I loathe how the UK harassess ill children and their families!) I nearly didn’t go, but I’m glad I went. The headteacher basically looked me over and asked me why my kid’s been absent, I was super pleasant and explained the symptoms and my frustration with constant illnesses coming home from school and asked what infection control measures are in place at school, do they regularly remind the children about handwashing and covering their mouths when coughing, do they children have free access to tissues in the classroom, do they have free access to water bottles to keep them hydrated, which soap do they use, how can the school help us prevent future illnesses etc?

The head wrote down an action point for the school and never asked to meet with me again 😬

But around the same time my friend also got summoned to a similar meeting. She went in looking like a mess and quite sweary/aggressive ‘it’s normal to be ill’ etc and the head decided that she was a crap parent who needs a bit of monitoring and she has since been summoned to many other meetings.

Hope that helps.

Asking what school can do is a valid point. Schools can try to ensure sufficient ventilation, put in HEPA filters, encourage staying home when sick to help overall health, attendance, wellbeing, concentration, learning of school population as a whole etc.

Backtomyoldname · 05/12/2023 13:19

Schools do get obsessed with attendance. They are under pressure from higher up/worried about an ofsted visit being triggered etc.

Sometimes letters/meetings etc are triggered by particular thresholds being crossed. Sometimes the person initiating the letter doesn’t know the exact situation. They should but they don’t.

Post covid has increased the excitement about attendance - particularly as figures have never quite recovered.

My last school’s figures reset every September. Some never quite got it that a week off in September gave an alarm bell ringing 75% attendance rate. By December a week off in that term gives a rate of 92%. Over the year that week off, given no more absences gives a rate of about 98%

I’d say go to the meeting, with dates, doctor’s visits etc and explain.