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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

An attendance meeting at school for 5 days off since September

289 replies

Am898 · 05/12/2023 10:27

DD is 5. Since September she's had 5 authorised sick days off with today being one of them. This has been spread out for weeks and been sickness bug etc she's only had 2 days off in a row for a nasty sickness bug and the other 3 days she's not well enough to be in school.

Schools just rang me and said I need to book an attendance meeting as her attendance is too low now.. aibu to think this is a bit daft.. she's 5 years old and been off sick a few times, what does an attendance meeting entail 🤔

She's always at school on time and every time she has been sick it's been authorised as I've rang the office straight away so I'm feeling a bit confused now

OP posts:
Anisette · 05/12/2023 11:07

When was she 5? If it was after 31st August she is not yet of compulsory school age and I would suggest pointing out to the school that she doesn't have to attend full time yet.

Broodywuz · 05/12/2023 11:08

This will be their policy if she's below a certain attendance %
5 days is quite a lot in that time, my 2 dc haven't missed 5 days of nursery combined in 4 years for sickness.

AnonnyMouseDave · 05/12/2023 11:10

I would send an email to the school and simply say "I do not believe that there is any point in me attending a meeting about my daughter's attendance given that she has always attended when well enough to do so. If you are saying that she is falling behind then we need a meeting about that - let me know your concerns so that I can consider matters before the meeting."

Or - if you're really brave - go to the meeting and the moment they say something about your child should attend with minor ailments turn it around and blame their policy of pressuring parents to send in sick kids as the reason your kid has been sick four times and missed school on five days as a result. Ask them what they are doing to ensure sick kids stay home so your daughter doesn't get ill at school forcing her to miss valuable education time.

KatieB55 · 05/12/2023 11:11

Do the schools really want parents sending in kids who are not well?

Jonny234 · 05/12/2023 11:12

As many say, this is just a box ticking exercise.

I'd attend but just ask them why is this necessary.

Jellycats4life · 05/12/2023 11:14

That’s absolutely ludicrous. Five days for a five year old being battered by school germs doesn’t sound like a lot to me.

danni0509 · 05/12/2023 11:16

Ds has had 5 school days off since September so far, for chicken pox, can’t be helped, he wasn’t physically allowed to attend. He’s also got a weeks holiday booked for June, and any other days off he has to have for sickness between now and July. (Hopefully none) his attendance will be quite low by the end of the school year taking those factors into account..

(He had 100% attendance last school year, he rarely has time off for illness, other than Covid related a couple of years ago when they wouldn’t allow him in, he’s never had a day off poorly other than that, and he’s 10)

Quite frankly if his school pulled me for low attendance they’d be bloody hypocritical and they would be told so, he’s 10 years old and in year 5 and only been full time at school for 15 months (since the start of year 4) prior to that we had 4 years of illegal part time timetables due to his disabilities. At both schools he attended and the local authority were fully aware at all times. One ehcp annual review his attendance was 61% because he wasn’t allowed to attend for the full hours. Nothing was ever said and I’ve never spoke to an education welfare officer. So attendance is only expected when they initiate it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/12/2023 11:16

DD has had a week off with chicken pox and her attendance rate is 90.8%. Attendance for the whole class that week was around 50% as there’s been so much horrible illness around.

CatamaranViper · 05/12/2023 11:20

KatieB55 · 05/12/2023 11:11

Do the schools really want parents sending in kids who are not well?

Yes.

Well mainly they want the kids to not be ill, but our school encourages us to 'try' with any illness (except vomiting or chicken pox etc).

Fever? Give it a try
Headache? Give it a try
Cold? Give it a try

etc.

You would have thought that COVID would have taught us to be more mindful about spreading illnesses

NancyJoan · 05/12/2023 11:21

If she's ill, she's ill. Kids having lots of days off here are there can ring alarm bells, they are just checking in with you. It'll be all over in ten minutes, and then you can forget about it.

Comedycook · 05/12/2023 11:21

Its a tick box exercise. I got a letter about attendance and every single absence was for a medical appointment as my DD had a condition which needed lots of appointments and every absence had a letter confirming that.

I'd write an email saying i am unable to attend a meeting but I can confirm my DDs absences have been due to illness.

Tooshytoshine · 05/12/2023 11:23

It's an OFSTED thing.
Schools get downgraded for low attendance, especially if they are seen as not tackling it proactively.

OutsideLookingOut · 05/12/2023 11:28

spriots · 05/12/2023 10:54

If they're too ill for school that's that but I do think 5 days is a lot and you sound a bit blasé about it.

If you don't go to the attendance meeting, it will send the message that you don't care about attendance and that will make things worse.

What would be the point of stressing about it? A five year old being ill is entirely normal.

chocolatefiends · 05/12/2023 11:31

gotomomo · 05/12/2023 10:46

The issue is not necessarily the 5 t to, it's 5 odd days ... if your child is sick eg chicken pox and they need a week off then school understands, they are more wary where parents keep them off for odd days because they "don't feel well" partly because it's only those who have sahp that do this, other kids seem to magically not get these illnesses. If your child gets sick then don't feel bad keeping them off, you just tell the school they were ill at the meeting.

I work. DH works. Our kids have odd days off because they're not well enough to be at school.

DemelzaandRoss · 05/12/2023 11:31

At age 4, our DGS has had the following illness since starting pre school one year ago.
Covid, RSV, Norovirus, Croup (re occurring),
varying d/v attacks. Usual colds.
Stating the obvious, all children are different with their immune systems once they begin school, change schools or move to a different area.
5 days is perfectly acceptable.
I would definitely attend the meeting but ensure all the relevant sickness periods are explained.
Make it clear, politely, that when your DC is ill you will decide whether or not she is fit to attend school. Just because it’s a tick box issue doesn’t mean you can’t have an opinion too.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 05/12/2023 11:45

We have 4 different schools coming into one home * 6 * if you include steps. Winter hints and it's brutal. Mine typically have full attendance Feb- Nov then November December January just seems like bacteria bonanza!

DragonFly98 · 05/12/2023 11:58

Is your child in reception or year one. If it's reception she isn't CSA as we are only in term one. That means any attendance despite what school say is optional.

Caerulea · 05/12/2023 12:04

Broodywuz · 05/12/2023 11:08

This will be their policy if she's below a certain attendance %
5 days is quite a lot in that time, my 2 dc haven't missed 5 days of nursery combined in 4 years for sickness.

Well. Lucky you?

Bobbob2015 · 05/12/2023 12:10

This infuriates me, young children pick up lots of bugs and pressure to send children in when unwell just increases absence.

Lilofthevalley · 05/12/2023 12:12

There are many children who do not get ill often and some that do.

To all the parents saying 5 days is a lot and your child has only been ill once in 5 years. That's great, but one child's immune system and susceptibility is not comparable to another's.
I have a son who never catches anything - even when the rest of the family had Covid and when D+V knocked the rest of us sideways 1 by 1, he had no symptoms at all.

I also have a daughter who catches every cold going and it generally leads to a more serious infection - sinusitis, tonsillitis, perforated ear drum, pneumonia and croup.

Children who are sent into school and deemed well enough but cough and sneeze over others aren't just spreading their mild cold germs. Just because your child can battle through with a germ, it doesn't mean that every other child is affected in the same way, and, does not make you a superior parent, or me a failing one.

The Government led school attendance policies are not fair and not reasonable.
I have attended many meetings, been threatened with fines and court. Told to send my child in and the teachers would decide if they are ill enough to be at school. I have had the attendance officer and school nurse come to my house to 'support me' - Check up on us and saw that my daughter was actually lying in a dark room in silence as she couldn't move her head or tolerate any noise without throwing up. When children are ill or in pain they are not going to learn anything.

When I was a child I was often very ill for one day, then I'd be fine. Odd days off do not mean a child is well enough for school.

This thinking that attending school and work are more important than an individual's heath is so damaging. The lack of empathy and understanding that people are different is depressing.

Do people really feel superior that they have not broken a bone, had cancer, had flu, or an ear infection, let alone a genetic disorder or disability. Surely feeling lucky and showing compassion to those who aren't so lucky would be more appropriate.

BlackeyedSusan · 05/12/2023 12:12

isn't school age the term after they turn five? This used to be the case.

ImNotAsThinkAsYouDrunkIAm · 05/12/2023 12:14

If you’re in England she can’t be compulsory school age unless she is a summer born who was held back a year. As a previous poster said, compulsory school age is the term after they turn 5. My son’s birthday is early September and he was 5 when he started school, but he still wasn’t compulsory school age until January. The LAs are very happy to recognise this when it works in their favour (such as not paying for statutory school transport until the child is compulsory school age) and then ignore it when they choose to (absence).

If you have the time to spare, feel free to go to the meeting, point this out, and also that she has been absent in accordance with the school’s policies.

I wouldn’t have the time to burn on such nonsense, so I’d decline a meeting and put it in an email.

Sconehenge · 05/12/2023 12:15

This all sounds so horrible! When I was at school mum would let me have a day off if I just wasn’t feeling it for whatever reason, I really needed to recharge sometimes. I performed well academically so the occasional day off had no negative impact on my education (but probably a really positive one on my mental health!). I’m really dreading this UK approach for when I have kids. Whatever happened to duvet days!?

ConflictofInterest · 05/12/2023 12:17

It's infuriating and absurd isn't it. I've had the same from my DS's school as he's missed 2 weeks of school since September and has further absence coming up for surgery so his attendance is in the 80's. Yet when I've tried to get work to catch up there's no response. It's all medical, authorised absence, spent in hospital having an awful time, which they're fully aware of yet they won't stop pestering us and penalising him at school because only children with a high level of attendance get treats and trips so he's been intentionally left out of the fun at school as well as having a miserable time in pain in hospital. It's a horrible policy.

cannaecookrisotto · 05/12/2023 12:18

I would go and see what they have to say. Then I'd ask what was I supposed to do if you're already acting within their sickness policy 🤷🏼‍♀️

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