Friends who always bring their teenager

[Parentslife]

Ok so I have a situation. Our close friends have 2 teenage daughters, the oldest is 18 and quite independent but the 15 year old comes with her parents everywhere.
At first our 7 year old son and her had a lovely relationship as she was only 13 when we first met and she didn’t mind hanging out him while the adults talked.
Now she’s 15, she almost ignores him and just sits with us and eats all the food, barely talking to anyone.
How do we politely ask them not to bring her? It’s so tricky as we always have our son with us because he’s so young but he’s quite happy to watch TV by himself while the adults chat.

Why are you allowing her to eat ALL the food ?
Why dont you hand it round and then remove it or not provide anything but snacks

It does sound as it does change the dynamic but i think you have to suck it up for your turn as no diplomatic way to ask them not to bring her.

I expect their dd is either uncomfortable at home alone (many people don't like being in themselves in evenings), not trusted to be left at home or a bit lonely and they are trying to include her.

Might be worth playing card games or something then both kids can join in and hopefully everyone enjoys it? Not ideal but may be preferable to stilted conversation while she sits there.

I visited my sister in law for a long overdue catch up weekend. Travelled by train. She had invited another friend I'd never met, and the friend brought her 15 year old daughter.

My face was sore from making polite, teen friendly conversation two nights in a row when I wanted to get rat arsed, slag off our mutual husbands and decide whether or not to have a breast reduction.

I'm never going to travel again unless I know exactly who is going to be there too. Bonkers.

You cannot politely ask them! If I were you, I wouldn’t come again. Maybe the 15 year old doesn’t like staying home alone? What is the actual problem? She eats too much food? Does not talk to your son? Does not make small talk to the adults? Your son is happy to watch TV. Is she not happy to do her thing (being on her phone etc)?

Ffs. You can see how many replies this thread has received before you click on it from the main menu.

Around 450 I think. And yet you don’t bother to even read the OP’s replies, nevermind the rest of the thread.

In 450 replies, do you not think your basic questions will have been answered?

Jesus wept 🙄

What’s your problem? Why are you so rude? Why are you swearing at me? How does this involve you exactly? Why are you so bothered? If 450 have said the same thing, have you also sworn at them and told them they were wrong for answering a question? #baffled.

@Justanothermum42

It’s really poor etiquette on a forum to not bother to read all the OP’s posts and proceed to comment asking them things which have been answered, and commented on many times.
Sort of… if you’ve nothing new or constructive to add, then don’t add.

Is there an easy way of seeing those comments? Instead of scrolling through 17 pages? If she’s had enough comments then close the thread, surely? Imagine if everyone went through all comments first before responding…. Who has that time? I see people giving the same advice over and over and no one is telling them off 🤷‍♀️

If you click on the three dots top right there’s an option to quote.

I have a 14 year old and he wouldn’t come if he had the choice. So I’m guessing she likes coming.

so mix it up, sometimes do things without any kids and other times with 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suspect this is because Mumsnet put the thread on facebook hence more comments!

Maybe have some adult conversation. Teenagers tend to disappear at the meer mention of the word sex. She's 15 not 5.

Possibly. I see it on FB and then go in to read it if it sounds interesting.

I think your plan sounds good, OP.

Also the fact that you’ve been bringing your young DC to your friends’ house opens the possibility that they’ve been thinking they are pretty much doing the same thing. Getting a babysitter for him will reinforce for them that you want some proper adult time together.

At 15 she is old enough to stay at home so why can’t she do this? It’s different if the kids are all friends together, but when they’re not anymore (as they’ve got their own or are old enough to leave) then it’s time to revert back to adults only.
If I have friends over and my (now adult) kids are here they’ll usually eat with us if it’s a mealtime or just say hi and then do their own thing - they don’t really want to hang all evening! It was the same when they were younger.

@Justanothermum42

On the OP’s first post there is a little button which said “see all” to see all the OP’s posts without having to scroll through the whole thread, you can just read all the OP’s posts.

I don’t know why but the “ate all the food” part has really got my back up! You obviously just don’t like this girl.

Your mutual husbands? Sister in law or sister wife 😲

personally I’d have found the teen more interesting than someone wanting to bitch about their husband all night 🤷‍♀️.

@Mama1209 what would be wrong with that? She is not OPs friend.

I don’t know, I’ve got a pre-teen and can already see this sort of thing starting. If we’re sitting chatting and he is bored, he’ll start eating all the food that’s been put out for everyone, not because he is hungry but because he is bored and he doesn’t consider what his “fair share” would be. Obviously I tell him to pack it in and go get actual food like a sandwich if he is hungry hungry but to stop eating everyone’s treat/snack stuff that’s been put on the table to share.

This kid is just sitting at the table with the adults, listening to their conversation and is clearly bored and just eating. It’s rude behaviour which her parents should be noticing and doing something about.

Wow, such venom. Do you feel better now, you nasty bully

I have been the child brought along to parents' friends' houses. As soon as I was old enough (had my driving licence) to not be dragged out, I stopped going. She probably doesn't enjoy being brought along and maybe isn't allowed to stay at home alone? It's not pleasant for anyone to have a miserable teenager sitting in the middle of a gathering but maybe it's her parents who are the problem for making her come along? I'd probably suggest to the parents that she couldn't possibly be anything but bored senseless having to either listen to you all talk or play with a child 8 years younger, and would she not be happier at home with her sibling? Honestly I'd probably say it (very nicely) in front of them all (except your son) at the next gathering and see how they react.

I've since read your update about the DD arriving 20 mins earlier than her parents and them being happy for her to walk home alone in the evening when your DS goes to bed. Bizarre! Although nice that she obviously likes you that much and feels comfortable?
It does look like you'll just need to go with the option of having adult time after your DS goes to bed and she walks home