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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 03/12/2023 22:08

… all these cat lovers who seem to think it’s a good idea to move a traumatised cat, from
its home, to a strange house, full of people it doesn’t really know.

I don’t like cats at all, but even I can see treating a cat in that way, is a terrible idea

AInightingale · 03/12/2023 22:09

Just shut the living room door and let it roam round the rest of the house?

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 22:09

saraclara · 03/12/2023 22:07

You don't take kids to A&E for a cat scratch, for goodness sake! Do you not have an antiseptic wipe or some Savlon?

Edited
Show quote history

Rather than galloping in to correct me, try reading what I've written. Medical treatment should always be sought for cat bites, they can turn very nasty.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 03/12/2023 22:09

Don't go. Sounds miserable. Wouldn't risk my kids getting scratched.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/12/2023 22:09

I also think it’s cruel to the cat to bring it though

NoTouch · 03/12/2023 22:10

I'd tell them it's fine but you'll visit after Christmas as you think it will be too much for the cat to be taken to a strange house and then have to endure over excited children too and you don't want to distress it further or cause it to react fearfully.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 22:10

...but of course there's no way a traumatised and aggressive cat that's been stressed by being taken to a new house with new people would ever bite 🙄

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 22:11

Cosycover · 03/12/2023 22:08

Accidentally leave the back door open.

Your SIL is a dick for taking the cat. It's cruel.

Wtf is wrong with you?! Suggesting they accidentally on purpose let the cat out, you're heartless

pinkyredrose · 03/12/2023 22:11

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 21:26

Your kids won’t die from being hissed at or scratched. The cat will likely hide from you all. But you are being absolutely ridiculous to think someone should lock their pet away. Get a bloody grip woman. Your kids need to learn how to behave around animals.

My DD learnt very quickly what is ok and what isn’t.

This

Darknessoldfriend · 03/12/2023 22:13

Also if I locked my cat in a room he would tear up the carpet or destroy the door trying to get out!

TheGoogleMum · 03/12/2023 22:13

Has the cat visited your PIL before? Cats don't usually like new places and it'll probably mostly hide away. If it doesn't just have to hope cat is smart enough to stay well away from the young kids

UnpalatableButTrue · 03/12/2023 22:14

FirstTimeTTC989 · 03/12/2023 21:32

SIL is bringing a cat to someone else's house for Christmas Dinner? What.the.fuck???!! How strange. SIL is batshit crazy, I don't think you'll win this one unfortunately. But YANBU.

This. And I grew up with a million animals - but much as we loved them (espeically the dogs), they were just animals. Not child substitutes.

Plus... all these posts telling OP that she needs to keep an eye on her children etc.

What would her husband - who chooses not to tackle the cat issue - be doing, while the OP is on full child-watching duty?

Pancakeorcrepe · 03/12/2023 22:15

Just be a parent and watch your kids. It’s a cat, not a puma.

m00rfarm · 03/12/2023 22:15

I honestly think a high percentage of people are either nuts, or have not read the OP properly. The cat does NOT live in this house. The SIL is visiting WITH THE CAT the house of her parents. She is bringing the cat with her because he is her "child". I think (to be perfectly honest) that the cat would rather stay in his own home. As the OP quite rightly points out, the GPs would rather see their GC than the cat. But the SIL insists that the cat comes. The cat will be even more out of sorts with the world having been moved from his safe place, to a strange place, full of strange people and (I suspect) will become even more short tempered than usual. It is not fair that the cat is upset and then hides away - the cat should stay at his own home.

Soontobe60 · 03/12/2023 22:16

As this isn’t the cats home it is more than likely that it will hide itself away from everyone.

WhoWants2Know · 03/12/2023 22:17

Slightly off topic, but I did have to take my two year old to A&E following a scratch from a strange cat that my ex had brought found and brought home.

She had always been around cats and wasn't pestering it, but it woke up in a new place with a new toddler in the room and flipped out.

Obviously we did clean and treat the scratch, but cat scratches are notoriously infectious and dd's arm doubled in size overnight. It's not hysteria, just something that can happen when toddlers are in a room with stressed animals.

Livinginanotherworld · 03/12/2023 22:17

Cats generally run away and hide when they see small children approach, I wouldn’t worry too much.

Wellhellooooodear · 03/12/2023 22:17

It's a CAT not an XL Bully. Your DC will soon learn if they get a swipe.

friendlycat · 03/12/2023 22:18

The cat will be scared as it’s out of its safe environment and will hide. I actually feel sorry for the cat as it would be much happier at home in its secure place in peace.

curaçao · 03/12/2023 22:19

My DS and DIL bring their dog and cat when they come to stay with us for a week or so.It is absolutely fine ( my cat is afraid though)

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/12/2023 22:21

In a strange house the cat is likely to be hiding away

ChocolateCinderToffee · 03/12/2023 22:21

I get the impression it’s your own safety you’re worried about as much as your children’s. No cat will approach child it doesn’t know.

RedHelenB · 03/12/2023 22:21

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 03/12/2023 21:21

No cat is going to want to go near strange toddlers, they won’t get close enough to get scratched!

This.

IheartNiles · 03/12/2023 22:22

It’s a mad and cruel idea to take a nervous cat from its home. They are territorial animals and very different to dogs. I’d also be worried with a houseful of people someone will open a door and it’ll escape.

I also think it will hide under a bed somewhere and you won’t even see it.

Your SIL would do best to ask a neighbour to pop in and feed it while she’s away. That would be the kind and sensible thing to do.

Escaperoom · 03/12/2023 22:22

We have a cat and 2 DGC who visit from time to time. When they were small (and tended to get over excited about seeing said cat) he just kept well out of their way whenever they were here and we supervised any interaction. Now they are a bit older and calmer with him he is OK with them stroking him gently with us there and doesn't bother to hide any more. To be honest with kids this small you need to supervise all the time anyway cat or no cat especially in a strange house and it sounds as if there will be plenty of extra adults to help out. As others have said I feel more sorry for the cat in this case as they really hate being out of their familiar environment. Whatever SIL says, bringing the cat for Christmas is not for the cat's benefit it is about what she wants - unless she just can't find anyone to look after it for her and has no choice.