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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
Original poster
onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:27

Birch101 · 03/12/2023 21:20

Annoying.
If the cat can't be locked in a room, can they have free roam apart from the room your kids are in?

The house setup is such that the dining room where we'd eat is directly there when you come downstairs (no door) so you'd need to either lock the cat in the hallway or in an upstairs bedroom. Sorry it's a bit hard to explain the house layout!

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 03/12/2023 21:27

At 11 months and 2.5 surely you have to watch your kids pretty much 24/7 anyway? YABU. The cat will only scratch if it's approached and touched, so just keep an eye on the children and don't allow them to touch him.

lochmaree · 03/12/2023 21:28

the cat will probably hide -unless your SIL tries to keep it in the same room to join in-

I'd be annoyed too if it does end up the cat always being in the room (and I am a cat lover) because you won't get any time to just relax a bit if you have to constantly be in reach of DC.

this is where people treating pets like children doesn't end up being the best option for the pet. the cat would rather stay at its own home I'm sure with someone popping in to feed it twice a day.

Autumnleaves89 · 03/12/2023 21:28

What do you think will happen if your kids are hissed at? 😂

Ponderingwindow · 03/12/2023 21:28

when we had other young children over we put the cat away. It was to protect the cat more than anything. You don’t want a child to accidentally injure a pet. You also don’t want a pet to get scared and lash out and then face pressure to put the animal down.

Alainlechat · 03/12/2023 21:28

In a strange place the cat will likely hide away for a few days. Different in its own house.

Original poster
onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:29

19lottie82 · 03/12/2023 21:22

My cat would go bonkers if you locked it in a room. Its cruel.

teach your kids not to annoy the cat.

More concerned about my children either wanting to pet a fluffy cat (older one) or just sit on the sofa where the cat happens to be near (happened to me, wanted to sit 1.5m away from the cat, got hissed at) or youngest cruising along furniture where the cat happens to be sitting

OP posts:
Original poster
onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:29

ilovesooty · 03/12/2023 21:23

Is this the cat's home?

No, it's my parents in law. SIL is their daughter but lives separately

OP posts:
Dunnoburt · 03/12/2023 21:29

Tbf by the sounds of it the cat will do everything it can to avoid the small people.....

autienotnaughty · 03/12/2023 21:30

Given the cats history it would be cruel to lock it in a room.

I'd say you will need to supervise kids around cat. Or not go.

ohtowinthelottery · 03/12/2023 21:30

A friend has a rescue cat who hisses at me if I go near when I'm on cat sitting duty.
If I'm just around at the house when DF is there the cat doesn't come anywhere near me. I can't imagine that the cat is likely to hang around your DC - just make sure your DC don't hunt the cat down when it's hiding.

Pippik · 03/12/2023 21:30

If the cat is not in it's own home I imagine it will feel safer locked in a room anyway. Most rooms are significantly bigger than a cattery "room".
It's a cat, it will survive. Babies and toddlers come first and if it was my cat I would not risk a child being swiped, scratched or bitten.
We have a cat visiting us at Christmas, it will be shut in a room throughout with food and water and a warm bed. That's really all a cat needs.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/12/2023 21:30

So wait. The SIL is bringing her cat to Christmas dinner?

FirstTimeTTC989 · 03/12/2023 21:32

SIL is bringing a cat to someone else's house for Christmas Dinner? What.the.fuck???!! How strange. SIL is batshit crazy, I don't think you'll win this one unfortunately. But YANBU.

Selttan · 03/12/2023 21:32

Has your SIL ever taken the cat to her parents before? Is it used to being out and about?

If not, I feel sorry for the cat. It'll most likely hide away and you'll probably not see it. Most cats are not like dogs and don't enjoy new places.

shearwater2 · 03/12/2023 21:32

In my experience the cat will keep well away from any toddlers. If the toddler pursues the cat they will get a scratch and then stop pdq.

I had a young cat and a kitten when DDs were 3 years old and a newborn. I don't really get the drama about a cat.

WeightWhat · 03/12/2023 21:33

YABU - and your DH was right not to threaten not to go. That’s ridiculous.

Just co-exist - it really isn’t that hard. Watch your children. But the cat isn’t going to want to be near toddlers so it will be fine.

And just try not to drama queen.

stepintochristmas1 · 03/12/2023 21:33

I stayed in a house with a cat (don't really like them) with two young children , never seen it . Probably did it's best to be invisible .

CatsCocktailsCareers · 03/12/2023 21:35

Keep an eye out so the cat won't do anymore than hiss at them. If a cat can't be locked up for to its trauma them that's cruel to shut it in a room. A distressed cat will likely tear the room apart.

shearwater2 · 03/12/2023 21:35

We used to stay at my great aunt's for Christmas when I was little, for about four days, about an hour and a quarter's drive away. We'd take the cat with us, she didn't mind at all and liked going in the car. Had a good sniff around when we arrived then made herself at home.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2023 21:35

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:29

No, it's my parents in law. SIL is their daughter but lives separately

Show quote history

In that case I can't imagine that the cat will be very happy to be brought into a strange environment.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 03/12/2023 21:36

Taking the cat is a terrible idea. It’s going to hate it & if it escapes, how does SIL think she’s going to catch it?

My first foster was scared of everyone except me & the couple who adopted him. I would never have taken him into a strange place with lots of people & 2 small kids. The best thing your SIL can do for the cat is find a pet sitter.

RestingCatsArseFace · 03/12/2023 21:36

The best thing would be for the cat to stay at home. Safer for everyone especially the cat who could easily be lost, trying to get away from children, Small children and cats are not a good mix, a nervous cat makes it even worse. They are sure to want to touch the cat, and the cat is likely to scratch, and will be blamed and it will all go wrong.

betterangels · 03/12/2023 21:39

Strokethefurrywall · 03/12/2023 21:30

So wait. The SIL is bringing her cat to Christmas dinner?

That changes my opinion. Cat should stay home. That's a bit weird.

smilesup · 03/12/2023 21:39

At what point do you stop watching an 11 month old in a house that isn't yours?
Bring a travel cot and use it as a playpen if you have to leave DC unattended.