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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 03/12/2023 22:00

she shouoldnt be carting a cat around they dont like it-it could well be scared and hide all day

Lavender14 · 03/12/2023 22:00

TiaraBoo · 03/12/2023 21:58

So you could pick up the cat and remove it from the room - eg go in living room (assuming shut off from kitchen / dining room) and close the door.
I don’t think it’s cruel to shut a cat away for an hour or so in a room, although but weird taking a cat to a different house.

It is cruel if the pet has separation anxiety having been treated poorly in the past. They could easily cause damage if that's the case.

JustCleaningtheBBQ · 03/12/2023 22:01

Also, it's not just you who has to be constantly watching the DC. What about your DH? As he's too scared to say anything to his family, then he can watch the DC whilst you relax for a bit.

Darknessoldfriend · 03/12/2023 22:01

My cat hates toddlers and babies. For a brief stint he lived with my in laws and Dnieces and nephews were often around, he would make himself scarce. Now he’s living in our house, if they visit he’s not as quick to run as he’s in his own territory. The point I’m making is in your in laws house the cat will probably be hiding.

Im not sure why you can’t tell a 2.5 year old not to pet the cat? My DC would understand this instruction. An 11 month old is a bit different but I’d be watching them closely anyway. I do think you’re overreacting a bit. A cat might scratch at worse but unlikely to cause a lot of harm like a dog.

SwishSwishBisch · 03/12/2023 22:01

This thread is absolutely hysterical, and I don’t mean funny hysterical. It’s a cat OP, get a grip. I can’t believe you’re getting this wound up about the prospect of your children being hissed at. As numerous other posters have said, it’s probably going to keep itself as far away from them as it can anyway. Cats hate change, so I would imagine it’ll keep itself holed up somewhere it feels safe which is very unlikely to be anywhere near your children.

This situation is absolutely NOT worth starting drama with your in-laws over FFS.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 22:02

Moveoverdarlin · 03/12/2023 21:57

Cats will rip the carpet at the door trying to get out of a locked room. Most cats avoid loud toddlers at all costs. If the cat hisses, it’s fine. If heaven forbid the cat scratches them, they will also most likely survive. As someone else said, it’s a cat. Just ignore it.

If it bites them they'll most likely survive too. And what a fun Christmas they'll have in a&e getting the wound disinfected.

Tandora · 03/12/2023 22:02

Oh stop being so precious. It’s a cat, your kids are far more likely to upset the cat than the other way around. Especially when not on its own turf, the cat will most likely stay out the way. I’ve been in many a house with my babies/ toddlers and cats and everyone survived.
(Also be kind to your SIL , sounds like she’s struggling wit being single and childless. That can be really hard).

LimeCheesecake · 03/12/2023 22:02

Hissing is not the same as scratching - it’s a warning.

you need to talk to DH, if he’s determined that you all go and stay there, don’t get a travelodge room near by etc, then there has to be clear that between you, you have to be on guard for the full 3 days. The dcs bedroom door must be kept closed at all times to stop the cat going in there, you both have to stay close to the kids if the cat is in the room.

be clear if he leaves it all to you (or if the cat scratches one of your dcs) you won’t go again.

do you have to stay 3 days?

keye · 03/12/2023 22:02

Is the cat used to being carted about to a strange house?

Ellie1015 · 03/12/2023 22:03

Your child will be ok if they get hissed at. If the cat hisses take child away quickly.

Has cat stayed at in laws before? I am surprised it would enjoy being in a strange house with lots of visitors and two young children. Sil might leave quicker than planned if cat is obviously unhappy.

WhoWants2Know · 03/12/2023 22:03

That cat is going to pee all over the strange house with small noisy creatures 🤦‍♀️

ThinWomansBrain · 03/12/2023 22:04

why not educate your children to behave decently around animals and not torment them?

susiedaisy1912 · 03/12/2023 22:04

The cat will make himself scarce for the duration of your stay I can almost guarantee it. Especially when it's sees and hears your toddler. Say nothing until it actually becomes an issue.

Renamed · 03/12/2023 22:05

She’s an idiot if she thinks she can travel around with her cat as if it’s a child. Cats need familiarity of surroundings, their own bed, food bowl, territory. It’s only a night or two she should get a cat sitter,in the best interests of the cat.

Gnomegnomegnome · 03/12/2023 22:05

Could you not lock the dc in a room?

FairFuming · 03/12/2023 22:05

Make it clear to your DH that if he isn't willing to point out how bonkers it is for his Sis to take that poor cat to a strange house it doesn't know with people there that it doesn't know and might not like then he will be the one needing to get up and constantly be within arms reach of the children, not being willing to even let that poor animal have some peace by separating its space from the childrens even some of the time is insanity to the point of cruelty anyway.
I find it highly unlikely that the cat will want to be anywhere near 2 small and noisy kids (my cat often chooses to be nowhere near my kids and she has known them since they were born and this is in her own house where she is very much queen and not a strange place that she would be stressed out and unhappy). Also if cat is on the sofa and hissing then you just wait until noone is looking and push it off!

verdantverdure · 03/12/2023 22:05

Honestly, I think it's a parent's job to keep their children away from dangers such as plug sockets, hot things, table cloths, teapots, Christmas lights, choking hazards, baths full of water and cats that may hiss at them.

When they're little you share them out between their parents and grandparents and any other willing responsible adults when they're not in the high chair or napping don't you?

There's a cat in the house. Not an anaconda.

Silvers11 · 03/12/2023 22:06

@onesleepyma Has your DSIL taken her cat to your PIL's house before? If it's a nervous cat, it'll be terrified in unfamiliar surroundings and of all the extra people and on those grounds alone your SIL should be finding someone local to her to come in and feed the cat, empty it's litter tray etc. because what she is doing is cruel too. It is highly likely to pee around the house and not in the litter tray too. Does your DSIL know that?

Having said that, it'll also be terrified of small children and as long as it has somewhere to hide, that's where it will go. I have had several cats over the years and every one of them ran a mile when small people arrived. They just seem to know that toddlers, and youngish children are not to be trusted and they disappear to a 'safe' place

saraclara · 03/12/2023 22:07

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 22:02

If it bites them they'll most likely survive too. And what a fun Christmas they'll have in a&e getting the wound disinfected.

Show quote history

You don't take kids to A&E for a cat scratch, for goodness sake! Do you not have an antiseptic wipe or some Savlon?

Pinkpinkpink15 · 03/12/2023 22:07

shearwater2 · 03/12/2023 21:35

We used to stay at my great aunt's for Christmas when I was little, for about four days, about an hour and a quarter's drive away. We'd take the cat with us, she didn't mind at all and liked going in the car. Had a good sniff around when we arrived then made herself at home.

@shearwater2

ahh the days when things were a lot more simple!

id love the Christmases of my childhood!

@onesleepyma

you do mean a regular house cat, not a panther don't you?

you can hardly completely & relax when you have a 1 yr okd & a 2 year old, in someone else's home anyway, especially at Christmas, when there's stuff everywhere. Minding what they're both doing was going to be something you had to do antway. Take turns with DH & that's life. Adding in the cat is hardly a big deal.

your 2 year old can be taught fairly quickly that although the cat looks cuddly, it's not a toy & it doesn't want to be cuddled. If you can't teach your child, the cat will. If the cat hisses it's a pretty good warning to fuck off leave kitty cat alone!!

if the baby toddles along the furniture the cat will ignore them or hiss a bit. Baby will survive being hissed at. If you're not watching to prevent this happening.

i understand the PIL's POV & don't blame them at all. They're fine with it.

i understand SIL too, if her cat will settle there happily then it's the best option for her & her cat.

it might all go quite well with the cat deciding to stay in her bed or whatever.

don't make it into a drama.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/12/2023 22:07

Sorry but I think you and your DH need to keep eyes on the kids when this small at all times when visiting, cat or no cat. But obviously especially with the cat!

Just take fair turns, 50:50, and it will be fine.

The problem comes when one partner won’t take fair turns imo.

Autumnleaves89 · 03/12/2023 22:08

saraclara · 03/12/2023 22:07

You don't take kids to A&E for a cat scratch, for goodness sake! Do you not have an antiseptic wipe or some Savlon?

Edited
Show quote history

doing The sensible thing and cleaning the bite at home doesn’t sound quite as dramatic and hysterical though. 😉

GrumpyOldCrone · 03/12/2023 22:08

The cat is going to hate being on unfamiliar territory with a couple of small children. It will probably find somewhere to hide.

A hiss is just a warning and can’t hurt, but do take heed. However, most cats will run away rather than attack. My mother has an unfriendly rescue cat and it hissed at my children when they were young, but never scratched them.

Goodornot · 03/12/2023 22:08

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. ...The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

Does it make you feel superior that you have a family and DSil is single? Your contempt for her is palpable.

Why don't you have your own Christmas at your home and leave her be.

The cat won't go near 2 unruly toddlers I'm sure.

Cosycover · 03/12/2023 22:08

Accidentally leave the back door open.

Your SIL is a dick for taking the cat. It's cruel.