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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
Catsmere · 03/12/2023 21:39

If I was your SiL I wouldn't take my cat anywhere near toddlers. I wouldn't take him to a strange house even without children being involved, that alone is going to stress him a lot. I'd skip the Christmas do altogether (but Christmas isn't important to me, so different perspective).

Crooklodge · 03/12/2023 21:41

I'd be more worried about the cat being taken out of its environment, how distressing for it. And yes I do have a cat.

Original poster
onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:42

smilesup · 03/12/2023 21:39

At what point do you stop watching an 11 month old in a house that isn't yours?
Bring a travel cot and use it as a playpen if you have to leave DC unattended.

I wouldn't stop watching her but could let her cruise along sofas (with a carpet, no sharp edges) whilst I enjoyed a cuppa 2m away. If there's a cat in the room I'd need to be no further than arms length away from my child to get the cat away if needed.

So maybe I phrased wrong. Not that I'd need to watch but I would need to literally be following every step of where my child goes. Can't even let them sit and play with blocks a few meters away from me

OP posts:
maximist · 03/12/2023 21:44

I have cats (and no children), I love them to pieces but I wouldn't dream of taking them to someone else's house! When I go away, including at Christmas, they stay in their own familiar home and a neighbour comes in to feed them. They don't like me being away, but they'd like going to a strange house with strange people much much less. Your SIL is batty.

CwmYoy · 03/12/2023 21:44

Cat needs to be left at home. Daft idea to take it at all.

If she insists it should be shut away. Can't believe some posters care more about an animal's feelings than little children's safety.

As for SiL equating a pet with a child - plain ridiculous.

jannier · 03/12/2023 21:45

Are you asking that all ornaments, Christmas tree, sweets etc. are to be removed from reach so your child can't touch them and you can let them run around unsupervised?

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 21:45

Just don't go. Grandparents can chose - grandchildren or cat.

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 21:46

No, you can't ask for the cat to be removed, it's their home. As PP have said, there is a very high chance you won't see even see it as most don't like being in rooms with a bunch of people let alone toddlers, they'll make themselves scarce

justasking111 · 03/12/2023 21:47

keye · 03/12/2023 21:20

There is a big chance the cat will remove itself from the room

Whenever my grandchildren visit my cat vanishes.

saraclara · 03/12/2023 21:47

Good grief. It's a cat. It's not a dog that can do them actual damage.

It will avoid them, and they will avoid it after the first hiss.

I can't believe you're considering not going.

UrghAnotherOne · 03/12/2023 21:48

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 03/12/2023 21:21

No cat is going to want to go near strange toddlers, they won’t get close enough to get scratched!

This.

.... and if the child does harass the cat and get scratched then it will learn not to harass it in future!

Sonolanona · 03/12/2023 21:48

Dramatic much?
I love cats, and dogs..and yes, toddlers too, so no agenda.
I wouldn't take my nervous rescue cat to someone else's house for Xmas.. it would be torture for my cat. Can't she leave it at home where it's comfortable if it's only for a night or two.. litter tray, enough kibble? I would get a neighbour in to feed if longer than that .

If the poor creature has to come it will hide...it'll be more likely hiding under a bed than stalking your kids. Seriously. Worse case scenario, you don't keep an eye on the man eating beast and it hisses... not really a big deal and the children will soon leave it be.

You are being absolutely ridiculous.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 03/12/2023 21:49

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 21:46

No, you can't ask for the cat to be removed, it's their home. As PP have said, there is a very high chance you won't see even see it as most don't like being in rooms with a bunch of people let alone toddlers, they'll make themselves scarce

No, read the OP again - they’re all going to the ILs and SIL is planning to take the cat with her.

Yes about it wanting to make itself scarce though.

steppemum · 03/12/2023 21:50

Cat is going to hate it.
unfriendly cats do not like houses full of people, and they generally hate going to strange places.

You and your kids will be fine if the cat hisses.
In my experience cats hiss and then run away from kids.

The cat will probably spend 3 days hiding unde rthe bed/sofa.

I think you are worrying about something that won't happen.
Even if the cat is in the room, you only have to worry if your child is going to go oevr to it. Cat will not choose to be centre of attention in a strange house with 2 toddlers! It will go and sit somewhere safe.

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 21:50

EmpressaurusOfCats · 03/12/2023 21:49

No, read the OP again - they’re all going to the ILs and SIL is planning to take the cat with her.

Yes about it wanting to make itself scarce though.

Show quote history

Apologies you're right, I misread. The cat will totally bugger off and hide somewhere though

mymumwouldntapprove · 03/12/2023 21:51

Ok, so it is really odd to take your cat to someone else’s house for Christmas dinner. Cat would be much happier left at home for the day on its own, it doesn’t know it’s Christmas and won’t care.

SIL is BU for taking the cat.
YABU for being so concerned. Your kids need to learn to leave pets alone, and it is highly unlikely you will Ben see the cat anyway. It won’t behave the same way in someone else’s house as it does at home.

roarrfeckingroar · 03/12/2023 21:52

This is absolutely ridiculous. It's a cat not a baby. It is not cruel to put it in another room, at the very least during dinner.

WildFlowerBees · 03/12/2023 21:53

My cats like most are quite discerning, one sniff of a child and they're off. As long as the cat has a space in another part of the house that's theirs that the kids won't try and find it I'm pretty sure it'll disappear. Too much noise and chaos might be too much for it. It may not hiss at them, it might just be you as you don't like it. 😺

itsmylife7 · 03/12/2023 21:54

Hang on have I got this right...the sil is BRINGING her cat to her parents house ?

Poor cat will be terrified.

Saggypants · 03/12/2023 21:54

If there's a cat in the room I'd need to be no further than arms length away from my child to get the cat away if needed.

If that's your only issue just shoo the cat away?

SoupDragon · 03/12/2023 21:55

As the cat won't be on its home turf, I think there's a good chance it won't be lounging on the sofa hissing at people.

Has it done anything other than hiss?

Moveoverdarlin · 03/12/2023 21:57

Cats will rip the carpet at the door trying to get out of a locked room. Most cats avoid loud toddlers at all costs. If the cat hisses, it’s fine. If heaven forbid the cat scratches them, they will also most likely survive. As someone else said, it’s a cat. Just ignore it.

Lavender14 · 03/12/2023 21:57

To be honest i think you are being a little unreasonable because cats will generally take themselves away from busy rooms or children who are unpredictable. The cat is only likely to lash out at your child if they are unsupervised and corner or chase it. Which they do need to learn not to do.

I have a rescue cat and a 1 year old who is obsessed with the cat. The cat will keep out of the road of ds, in spots he can't reach or will go to a quiet room when it gets too much. I supervise to make sure ds isn't chasing and annoying the cat which is something he needs to learn and distract him with other things. It's really not the impossible task you seem to think.

It's very hard to get a pet sitter over Christmas and many catteries close. So if your sil is going to be able to be there for Xmas the way you all will, then she probably does need to bring the cat. I don't see it being the stress you think it is as surely you'll be supervising your kids anyway being in someone elses house.

I can't lock my cat in a room either or he'd rip at the carpet around the door, possibly eliminate from the stress or cause other damage so I wouldn't recommend your sil do that either. If the person hosting is happy for the cat to come then I don't think you can dictate that it doesn't.

I think it's a really good opportunity for your kids to learn how to be gentle and give space around animals. Ds knows to stop when I tell him to and really it didn't take him long to pick up. My cat has also never scratched him once, he's much more intolerant of adults for some reason.

TiaraBoo · 03/12/2023 21:58

So you could pick up the cat and remove it from the room - eg go in living room (assuming shut off from kitchen / dining room) and close the door.
I don’t think it’s cruel to shut a cat away for an hour or so in a room, although but weird taking a cat to a different house.