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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

438 replies

onesleepyma · 03/12/2023 21:16

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

OP posts:
dapsnotplimsolls · 03/12/2023 22:24

Is SIL just taking the cat there for the day or is she staying there? Cat will probably hate it and stay away from everyone, particularly the small noisy people. Even if it stays in the room, neither child will die from being hissed at.

Chuckiee · 03/12/2023 22:25

Yabu. It's a cat. If you don't want your children near a little cat then you should stay elsewhere. I would not arrive at your in laws dictating who can go where.

WilmaWonka · 03/12/2023 22:25

Agree SIL is batshit but let her have this one as it’s Christmas and all.

Poor cat will be stressed on the journey to the PILs (mine loses half her fur on a 10 min drive to the vet!) and for the time it’s there. The normal noise of your baby/toddler will probably make it run and hide if it hasn’t already by the time you get there.

Very few cats will stay in a room full of lots of people IME unless they’re very used to lots of noise and are comfortable in the environment (which this cat won’t be).

Cat does need to be shut away as someone could open front or back door (putting stuff in bin?) or a window and it could get outside and run off and hide/get run over in an unfamiliar environment. Letting it wander is even more stupid that taking it with her!

SIL could sit in a room with it if she’s insistent it will be distressed?

Ghentsummer · 03/12/2023 22:27

You can't just shrug and say your child doesn't listen to the word no if your toddler starts annoying the cat. It's your job to teach your child how to interact with animals. If your toddler is too young (and I don't believe they are) then you need to be picking them up and moving them every time they go near an animal.

AutumnColours9 · 03/12/2023 22:27

Yabu
The cat lives there.
I was forever up and down when kids were small and never got chance to relax at other's houses. You can't dictate what they do with their pets..

seagull82 · 03/12/2023 22:27

Floralnomad · 03/12/2023 21:26

Stop being a drama llama , it’s a cat not a tiger .

This.

Paddleboarder · 03/12/2023 22:28

You cannot really shut a cat in a room, it is likely to destroy the carpet if they have one, or make a major attempt to get out. Generally cats aren't fond of travelling and would rather stay at home, but if you are all going there for 3 days then perhaps she doesn't have anyone to feed it? It will probably avoid you and your children anyway, and may just go somewhere quiet and hide up.

Branster · 03/12/2023 22:28

This setup is an utter disaster for the poor cat, given its history. Your SIL is very much misguided here. The cat will run away as soon as someone has to open the front or garden doors.

And I really wouldn't worry about DCs because this cat will stay well away from them. The cat will hare all the noise and the unfamiliar house and will be terrified the entire time.

Kids need to learn about leaving animals alone, the earlier the better.

Just go and enjoy the Christmas get together. At their ages, you need to watch them constantly anyway (sharp corners, knocked down glasses, cups of tea, pulling things down or away etc), the cat won't be an issue.

nameychanger5678 · 03/12/2023 22:28

OMG read it - THE CAT DOES NOT LIVE THERE.

SIL is absolutely batshit and frankly cruel taking it with her to a strange house, with toddlers.

IBegYourBiggestPardon · 03/12/2023 22:31

FirstTimeTTC989 · 03/12/2023 21:32

SIL is bringing a cat to someone else's house for Christmas Dinner? What.the.fuck???!! How strange. SIL is batshit crazy, I don't think you'll win this one unfortunately. But YANBU.

We used to take DCAT to the ex in laws for Xmas dinner, when he was a kitten. However he was shut away upstairs in the bedroom inside a large dog cage with his bed, litter tray, food and water. It also gave me the perfect excuse to disappear upstairs for a couple of hours when everyone started to annoy me.

MelsMoneyTree · 03/12/2023 22:33

YANBU but there isn't much you can do about it when everyone else is pandering to DSIL and the cat.
I'd tell DH that you're looking for somewhere else to stay close to PILs because you can't stay there with the cat. Maybe then he will realise this is an issue.
I'm surprised at posters saying the cat will hide. We have a cat which can sometimes be temperamental and often tries to nip. It wouldn't hide away from guests.
And the last thing everyone needs is the DC being nipped or scratched.
Maybe you could suggest staying home for Christmas instead.

Superduper02 · 03/12/2023 22:34

WhistPie · 03/12/2023 21:26

If the cat was locked in a room there's a high chance that the carpet round the door in that room would be wrecked by the cat trying to escape. High chair for the children, then lock them in a room whilst they sleep?

Yeah! Lock up the kids and let the cat roam free!...🤨

oakleaffy · 03/12/2023 22:36

keye · 03/12/2023 21:20

There is a big chance the cat will remove itself from the room

This.
Cats don't like being around small children, for good reason.
Cats aren't idiots, and will scarper at first sign of a grabby toddler or child.
If the cat hisses, that's actually good, as it is giving fair warning.

Much more 'dangerous' is a cat that lashes out without any warning. {Although cats do give signals, dilated pupils, ears back, lashing tail..}

MelsMoneyTree · 03/12/2023 22:37

This thread is batshit. Posters saying just watch your DC obviously have no experience with cats. They don't exactly signpost that they're going to nip and scratch. If the cat is roaming freely then the DCs will need to be constantly on a lap or in a pram or in a cot.
And it is completely batshit that posters are pretending that it is normal behaviour to take your cat out with you for Christmas dinner and then expect it to be given the freedom of the house.
But it is after 10pm so that seems to be when a lot of posters with interesting ideas wake up. Hmm

SoupDragon · 03/12/2023 22:37

We have a cat which can sometimes be temperamental and often tries to nip. It wouldn't hide away from guests.

This cat does not appear to have ever nipped or scratched, just hissed.

It is not going to be in its own territory, unlike your cat or when this one is at home.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2023 22:38

Cosycover · 03/12/2023 22:08

Accidentally leave the back door open.

Your SIL is a dick for taking the cat. It's cruel.

It's even more cruel to allow a cat to escape to an unfamiliar environment outside.

HoppingPavlova · 03/12/2023 22:39

Most cats will sense a little person and get as far away as fast as they can. They are not silly. I don’t think you would need to supervise your kids any more than you’d already need to supervise them in a non childproof house.

SoupDragon · 03/12/2023 22:40

MelsMoneyTree · 03/12/2023 22:37

This thread is batshit. Posters saying just watch your DC obviously have no experience with cats. They don't exactly signpost that they're going to nip and scratch. If the cat is roaming freely then the DCs will need to be constantly on a lap or in a pram or in a cot.
And it is completely batshit that posters are pretending that it is normal behaviour to take your cat out with you for Christmas dinner and then expect it to be given the freedom of the house.
But it is after 10pm so that seems to be when a lot of posters with interesting ideas wake up. Hmm

They don't exactly signpost that they're going to nip and scratch

This cat hisses. Just hisses.

If the cat is roaming freely then the DCs will need to be constantly on a lap or in a pram or in a cot.

or simply supervised.

(and I have experiences of both cats and small children. At the same time)

Superduper02 · 03/12/2023 22:40

Totally get how you feel OP but this is not going to be your call. SIL sounds nuts to be carting a cat around 'like a child'. But as you say, everyone just wants a bit of peace and intends to let her. I would try not to stress. If the cat scratches either of your DC then I'm sure it will all kick off. Either way, you just need to keep an eye on your kids. For the people telling you that you need to teach your 11 month old how to interact with a cat.... they sound as nuts as SIL!!

WildFlowerBees · 03/12/2023 22:41

'They don't exactly signpost that they're going to nip and scratch.'

Actually they do, it's pretty easy to spot if you understand cats behaviour.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 03/12/2023 22:42

SIL probably shouldn't be taking her cat. But I have known a weirdo cat that was completely fine with being taking to other houses so maybe it'll be okay.

However, if your DC don't know to stay away from an animal making warning noises (eg cats hissing) maybe you or DP should be teaching them. One of the downsides of having small DC at Christmas at someone else's house is that you don't get to completely relax.

You could, of course, threaten not to take the GDC to their house. But, like many parents, you may find that you're confusing your own love for your children with how their grandparents feel. 99 times out of 100 grandparents will choose their own DC over grandchildren.

Autumnleaves89 · 03/12/2023 22:42

WildFlowerBees · 03/12/2023 22:41

'They don't exactly signpost that they're going to nip and scratch.'

Actually they do, it's pretty easy to spot if you understand cats behaviour.

Exactly. The op literally said several times that the cat hisses. Hissing is a warning sign.
Also, I’ve PLENTY of experience with cats. And they won’t go within 10 miles of a toddler if they can help it.

MelsMoneyTree · 03/12/2023 22:43

Actually not all cats do especially when in a strange and busy environment with different people. And it's really irresponsible to advise OP that she'll get warning before a cat hurts her DC when you have no way of knowing that is the case.

WaitingfortheTardis · 03/12/2023 22:43

What a fuss about nothing! Your children will be fine, it's just a grumpy cat that hisses, it won't eat them.

Channellingsophistication · 03/12/2023 22:45

SIL should leave the cat at home its ridiculous for her to bring along to another house at christmas!