To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

[onesleepyma]

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

If you read the original post properly you'll see that sil is insisting on taking the cat with her to mil for the day, so I think it's the sil that's being unreasonable & unfair to her cat! Leave it at home in peace and quiet

You can disagree all you want but it's a fact which has been scientifically studied. Brain imaging has literally found that pet parents go through the same neurological processes when interacting with their pets as parents do when interacting with their kids. They are feeling the same things. Yes the love can be as strong.

in our family we avoid creating any hierarchy at all. as there is no need and they are different things. my SIL tries to create the hierarchy with her dog and our DC, insists that we call the dog our DC cousin, etc. she now has a DC and continues the weirdness if it suits.

I will continue to disagree 😂 links for the studies?

Of course!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/canine-corner/201501/in-the-human-brain-dogs-and-children-are-equally-lovable

I don't think that's weird, it sounds really nice to me. We have a human/feline family (10 year old human and two 4 year old cats), my sister calls our cat daughters her nieces and my 6 year old niece who stays with us regularly proudly tells people about her "cat cousins"! I was raised the same way too, with a cat brother and sister. I love it. But sure, we might be weird, not in a bad way though.

Yes! If you are that worried lock your children in a separate room that the cat can't have access to.

No, cats are cute!

Your sis in laws cat is her child. And also a rescue so probably been thru alot on its life time. Your the parent so keep your kids away from the cat if you don't want them to be scratched. You can't expect your SIL to send the cat away for the sake of your kids. If you feel that strong about it. Invite them to yours instead. Problem solved

Can I suggest you lock your DC in a room. The poor cat can then enjoy Christmas without fear of being terrorised by your children. Seriously though, the cat will probably hide away somewhere. As long as your children leave the cat alone, which at the end of the day is your job to educate them as a parent, you won't have an issue. If the cat hisses at your children they'll soon get the message to leave it alone. My cat is an excellent judge of character and only hisses at family members that are annoying.

I wouldn't go to someone's house where there was an animal that hisses at and goes after people - kids or not.

Honestly I would put my foot down. Its a cat. Humans come first. They are all just pandering to the drama llama SIL.

Gosh, you are quite a nervous creature aren’t you-your GP can help with that. Poor thing.

However do you cope if you come across unexpected animals in houses? Is it an actual phobia or just twatishness?

It is one small cat. It’s not a magical beast.

OP, you sound really awful. Your attitude towards your SIL is incredibly condescending and you sound like one of those parents who thinks they are better and should have more rights than childless and child free people. You’re not special and your wants don’t outweigh those of your SIL (something that the rest of her family seems to understand, so I’m not sure why you don’t).

We used to take our cat on holiday to MIL's holiday home but he wasn't bothered by travelling and loved it when he was there. I wouldn't have inflicted a bunch of kids on him though.

Kids do need to learn how to behave around animals and yes, animals will defend themselves. Years ago a friend asked if her kids could come round to see our cat. I was happy with that providing they left him alone as he wasn't a cuddly cat. Friend then told me that last time the eldest had seen a cat she'd pulled its ears and tail. When they arrived I told her she could see the cat but under no circumstances was she to touch him, let alone pull his ears and that if she did he would most likely bite and scratch and hurt her. I probably traumatised her but she left the cat alone!

OP has said a couple of times that the cat hisses if people get too close, but at no point has she said that the cat 'goes after' anyone. Did you perhaps make that bit up to suit your anti-cat agenda?

OP isn't in a position to put her foot down as it isn't her house and her DH isn't prepared to challenge his parents. That means her choices are 'don't go' or 'cope with it'. That's it.

You’re being very dramatic and OTT about a bloody cat!!!
Tell the children no and move them away from it, or if the cat does scratch them they will soon learn not to go near it again!!

There's a lot of anthropomorphism happening on this thread. Cats and babies have very different needs and it doesn't generally help cats to treat them like humans.

A person may love their cat a comparable amount to their baby, but it's not really something that can be measured.

It's great to love your cat as much as you want, but it's not good to express that love by treating the cat as something it isn't. A cat will live its happiest life if it's cat behaviours are understood and needs are met appropriately.

But surely the only really salient point here is that if a cat will suffer distress by being locked in a room then the cat should not be locked in a room. It’s not really about treating a cat like a human, it’s just about treating a cat in a manner that isn’t needlessly upsetting to it.

OP has made it “cat vs human” by claiming her need not to bother watching her kids trumps the (previously abused) cat’s need not to be shut in a small space.

This! Teach your children to stay away from the cat. It’s his home, not theirs

We have an update!
Thanks everyone for your help!

I thought about it some more and tbh politeness is irrelevant when it comes to the safety of my children. The cat is hostile and nasty, completely unpredictable in terms of when it might be unhappy that someone has dared to come within 2-3m of him. A cat scratch can easily become infected, and I wouldn't forgive myself if as a result of trying to keep family peace one of my babies got ill or had a scar from the cat's scratch. So I've said to my husband that he's free to go but if that cat is there, my children won't be, and I've contacted the PIL to say the same - they're either getting to see their grandkids or the cat. A day later it's all sorted and the cat is staying in its home (SIL's house), presumably a friend or a cat sitter will visit.

For those who say cats and children are the same - funny how grandparents usually prefer their human grandchildren over a cat isn't it!

To be honest if I was SIL I’d rather stay at home with my cat than spend Christmas with OP

Such a drama , they are also his kids , not just YOURS by the way .

This thread has been insane! I'm glad you have sorted this out sensibly.

You are the poster who mocked and derided her SIL for her childlessness and for loving her cat, aren't you, OP?

I wouldn't let you or your kids near me or my cat, or bother spending any time with you, in her position. "Hostile and nasty" is your reaction to a frightened, traumatised animal being defensive around people it doesn't know? Lovely.

Would you honestly take a frightened and hostile cat to a family Christmas in someone else's house where there are very young children @Catsmere ?