To want DSIL's cat locked in room away from DC

[onesleepyma]

My DSIL has no kids but she does have a cat, who is her absolute world. Because the cat is a rescue he can't be locked in a room due to his previous trauma (I think?) so always needs to be roaming free in the house. The cat also, from the times I've visited, seems quite reluctant to be touched, can hiss if you come too near. Quite an unfriendly cat. Also a very fluffy cat.

For Xmas we are all going to my ILs house, me, my 2 DC, DH, DSIL and the cat. My kids are 11 months and 2.5. DC1 isn't always going to listen to instructions like "don't touch the cat" or "don't come near the cat" and DC2 is newly walking, leans on furniture when walking so there's a HIGH chance that one of the DCs will be hissed at or worse scratched by this cat. The only way to avoid it is to be 24/7 watching, not sit down for a minute for me and DH. DSIL says leaving him at home isnt an option because " the cat to her is what my DC are to me" (her words). locking him in a room, even for just xmas dinner so i can eat, is "cruel". The parents wont address it because DSIL is sad that shes single and this kitten is making her happy so they dont want to disturb that.

we are there for 2 full days, 3 nights. DH wont address it for similar reasons that PIL wont.

🤣

The cat is going to be terrified of being in a new house, i don't think you'll see much of it.

My dad's got a cat that I've only seen running away at pace from me. He says she 'doesn't like kids' but I'm knocking 50.

Just to everyone saying cats aren’t dangerous ? I have 3, I adore cats. Unfortunately one bit me when I was helping her after she got herself stuck outside her instinct kicked in as she felt cornered, scared and bit me, this ended with me in hospital. Cellulitis can be very serious!
I have a toddler who’s obviously used to them but if someone visiting was abit wary around them I would absolutely shut them away they would sleep and be happy as Larry.

Cats are not children, ffs. And l love cats and grew up with them.

If OP has a problem with her SIL it's because SIL is bizarrely treating her cat as more important than her own nephews who are small toddlers. What decent mother wouldn't be upset at in-laws who can't be trusted to put babies first.

Maybe the cat just doesn't like you if it keeps hissing at you...

Agreed.

You are both being unreasonable.

SIL's cat will not do well being moved form its normal environment. It will either hide or become more hostile. Cats are not dogs. They are not portable. She needs to get a grip and arrange a sitter.

You sure being hugely melodramatic. Assuming it is a regular house cat and not a wild tiger it is unlikely tomdo much to your kids other than run away. You need to teach your kids to stay away and not touch it. 2.5 is not too young to learn.

FfS it's a cat! Just ignore it, they'll get scratches and learn to leave it alone. No one will die.

@onesleepyma can you address the post from earlier in the thread, asking if it was you who started a thread about your SIL?

In your opinion. Some people see/treat their pets as their children. Just because you don't see pets that way, doesn't mean the other person's thinking is wrong.

I agree, as the owner of 3 cats and also mum of 2 DDs. I think the SIL is OTT to bring the cat with her (not fair on the cat IMO), but wishing for it to go missing is downright spiteful.

It's a cat, not an XL Bully. At that age, you should be supervising your kids anyway, particularly in someone else's house.

People don't tend to take their cats to places so I find that strange that your SIL is dragging the cat around with her as it will be stressful for the cat to be somewhere unfamiliar. Most cats get terribly stressed just going to the vet. I think SIL is being cruel and irresponsible taking the cat with her when she could have got a pet sitter.

However... cats hiss. It's no big deal. I would be worried about my DC picking up the cat and getting scratched. But, I don't understand why you are so worried about a hiss or two. Who cares about a hiss? A hiss doesn't hurt you. Just ignore it, the cat will stop hissing and calm down or move away from you.

Cats tend to hide from toddlers, you’ll probably find he secures himself a warm area hidden away from them!

YABU. This is a perfect opportunity to teach your children how we behave around animals. We have had animals since before my daughter was born and it’s one of the first things you teach them, to keep everyone safe.

It's a cat not a starving Sabre tooth tiger looking for a meal.
The cat will hide.
And your kids need learn how to be respectful around animals.
And you need to be nicer to your SIL.

Our cat used to disappear when our grandchildren came round and the children were told to leave it alone. One day the youngest (about 6) was sitting on the sofa and the cat came and sat on his lap. I told him the cat had decided he was grown up and sensible now and it was a great compliment. Children need to learn to behave around animals. A cat is not likely to attack unless it is provoked. It isn't a question of whether cats or children are more important.

It is hard. We have a cat and a 17 month old. Cat is 11. Also a rescue cat. I have a cousin who is scared of cats because they walk strangely (apparently). I too refused to shut the cat away. When I was pregnant. I didn’t know if the cat would be good with the baby or not. As it is. The cat is fine with the baby, not hissing etc. although there have still been small incidents. The odd scratch and bite - to be honest going both ways between the cat and the baby.

They have reached a mutual understanding and respect. The baby knows he can go so far with the cat and no further. Has learned boundaries etc.

We tend to just leave them to sort themselves out. For toddlers the odd bump and scrape is just part of life.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to leave the cat to roam free and for children to learn boundaries and face consequences. Cats don’t tend to inflict any great injury before anybody thinks I’m advocating injuring children.

It's a bloody cat just chill out

cat will probably avoid the kids.

but totally unreasonable to ask someone to lock up their car in their own home because you won’t be keeping a close enough eye on your kids.

@NoThanksymm

but totally unreasonable to ask someone to lock up their car in their own home because you won’t be keeping a close enough eye on your kids.

It's even not the cats home

Then the cat’s much more likely to be cowering under a bed the whole time.

It's not the cats home, sil is taking cat to the parent in laws house for Xmas

TBH, OP, more than anything it comes across that you’re miffed about having to keep an eye on your kids. When my kids were that age I’d have been more worried about them upsetting the cat with their over-enthusiasm (they LOVE animals) than them being hissed at - I’d be keeping a very close eye on them for that reason and I absolutely wouldn’t resent the cat’s owner for forcing me to watch what my kids were doing when I should be doing that anyway. (And I’m a bit baffled that you think there’s anything for your DH or your PIL to be “addressing” here other than the fact that I can’t imagine the cat will particularly enjoy being in a strange house.)

Are you the same OP who wanted to complain to your sil to stop comparing her experience with her cat to yours with your kids?

The sil who wants kids but can’t have them so treats her cat like it’s part of her family?