AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

YANBU it is cheeky of them to ask. Your dog is your family and deserves to be in the family home over Christmas.
The gf is "wary" of dogs, so not phobic or severely allergic. Chances are, she will be fine after spending some time around your dog.

Nonsense.

Clearly you dislike animals and many of us would think that you have something wrong in your life to be so lacking in understanding.

The older I get, the more I prefer animals to most people.

OMG, maybe I'm just emotional today but this has really affected me! The thought of what he might think if he went somewhere else away from you when he isn't used to it. I don’t know... the thought of how sad he would be!!

I'm not massive lover of dogs, but it's cheeky to accept an invitation knowing there is a dog in the home and then ask for it not to be there. Nope.

You could make some concessions like keep it in another room for the meal, but no to the kennels etc. It's not an option anyway. They'll be full if they're half decent.

Yes, for you. But you have no right to dictate how others should feel about their pets.

Might be worth a conversation- explain you can’t put your dog into kennels and ask is there anything in particular that she is worried about? It might be possible to allay her fears for example your dog sleeps in the kitchen overnight / doesn’t go in the guest bedroom where she will be sleeping/ is not in the dining room when having Christmas dinner etc.
Ofc some people are nervous of dogs/allergic or just not keen. If that’s the case then at Christmas they might be better off staying in a local hotel or coming to visit at a different time of year when maybe your dog could stay with a friend overnight so you can have time to bond with this family member.

You sound neglectful. What sort of education and later university can you ever expect for him, dragging your feet like this!

The older I get, the more I prefer animals to most people.

Agreed @Meowandthen. I'm autistic and I'm bloody over most people.

@AppleDumplingWithCustard

And yet people on here are trying to dictate to us that dog owners shouldn't see their pets as part of the family.

Probably not. I wouldn’t ask anyone to either. I would never be so rude as a guest.

My point was that a poster was saying that their relationship with their dog was better than that with any humans in their life. I find that sad.

This.
My dog is my family. It is just me and her. No one has any right to dictate otherwise. Your opinion on who/what constitutes as family stops inside your front door.

I'd feel exactly the same as you OP. Our dog is very much part of the family and to not have him with us over Christmas wouldn't feel right and I know I'd be sad without him.

I'd say there's no way he's going to kennels and anyone else you'd trust to have him are busy. They either stay and deal with it, or arrange alternative accommodation.

OP beg, borrow or buy a number of child safety gates so you can block off rooms that your rellies are in. This way you can ensure your DD has his own space where the people who do love him can visit him.
Once g/f has observed him at a distance she may well change her feelings about him.

Yes I know there are many like you too. I think it sad that you have not met more decent people in your life so far. I have a community of lovely, kind and supportive people and we look out for each other.

Animals are great. We should treat them with kindness and respect. Saying they are better than people is very strange though.

Brits have a reputation for being cold, uptight and socially awkward. They also have a reputation for being animal-lovers. I imagine those are connected.

Your dog lives in your house. Of course you aren’t going to send him away and pay for the privilege. You just say “sorry no, he lives here”.

They can stay somewhere else and you could crate him/put him in a different room whilst they visit.

If you give in this time, they’ll expect you to do this for every visit.

Your bil will not know this, but it will be both easier and cheaper to find himself and gf somewhere to stay than to board the dog. It's hard to find a place and they charge crazy prices at Xmas.

It depends if your dog is used to kennels. Do you kennel him when you go away? Or does he stay with family members etc? I think people project their feelings over Christmas onto the dog-the dog won’t give a shit whether it’s Christmas or even have any concept of Christmas. If your dog is used to kennels, I don’t see the big deal-but you will struggle with such late notice. It’s reasonable to ask them to stay at a local hotel or air bnb and you’ll keep him out of their way on visits. Tbh, as a guest, I’d prefer the latter option rather than staying in my bf’s relative’s house and knowing I’d put them out by asking if they’d kennel their dog. Gives people space too at what can be an intense time.

I would find out what could be done with dog in home to keep her comfortable and then 100% stick to that. We had a similar situation with our DC and DH’s family members dog. She wanted us to stay with them, has a big dog who barks a lot. DC was 3 and actually likes dogs but doesn’t like being barked in the face by something 3-4x her size. Dog would bark, DC cry, dog bark more and so on. Family member absolutely refused to limit where dog was at all and kept just saying DC needs to not cry… we were fully prepared to keep DC to certain rooms. Family member has now got a second dog. We won’t be staying with her next time we go to visit. I feel very sad about it, we really love family member but she was totally unwilling to compromise for even a couple days and DC crying and dog barking was just totally miserable. IMO, we’ve flown 8000 miles, family member can shut the bloody dog in half the house for a couple days. I have pets and I love them to bits, but at the end of the day my human family members are more important, and I can stop 3yo crying because she’s scared…

CANT STOP! 🤦🏼‍♀️

You have no chance at getting a kennel space this close to Christmas! And unlikely to get a home boarder either. At least not any you would be happy putting your dog into. Never mind getting up to date kennel cough in time.
I would happily keep dog away from girlfriend as much as possible but there’s no way I would be putting my pets into kennels over Christmas. It’s their home.
If guests don’t like that then I’m afraid that is their issue. I would make them as comfortable as possible but my dogs would stay.

Don’t send the dog away, u only have a few christmases with them! I’d say compromise and get a baby gate so there can be some dog free areas if needed for the duration. It might be that the gf gets there and is ok as there are lot of other people there to fuss the dog.

So they know you have a dog. Accept an invitation to stay. Then ask you to remove the dog for the duration of the stay? Sorry, err, no. You knew about the dog when you accepted the invitation. And where do you think I can realistically put the dog over Xmas anyway?

Last Christmas for a dog? I've heard everything?

My dog is 'just a dog'. He's grand and all and very well looked after but he is not family, I reserve that term for humans.

I think a short visit, or depending on how near others are, say a visit on another day over Christmas when someone could have the dog for a few hours.

GF could have had a very bad experience with dogs, not all are as lovely as yours.