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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
Snazzysausage · 03/12/2023 20:56

Even supposing you could book decent kennels or an in home stay for your dog over Christmas at this late stage,who exactly are they proposing should pay for this not inconsiderable expense?!

Tooshytoshine · 03/12/2023 20:56

They could book a nearby Air BnB or stay elsewhere.

You won't get a good kennels or dog boarder now.

If you stay in somebody's house then you fit in with their life. The dog is not a new addition. I would feel sad not to have my dog on Xmas day.

shearwater2 · 03/12/2023 21:00

It would be ok to keep the dog in another room while they visit but they will have to stay elsewhere, as you can't send your dog away.

It's a totally unreasonable thing to ask of any host.

Doubleespresso33 · 03/12/2023 21:00

I wouldn’t want to be around a dog as I just don’t like them but I wouldn’t expect it to go into a kennel or someone else’s house. Could you compromise by keeping the dog in a different room behind a stair gate or something so he’s not there but isn’t completely excluded?

you might not think he’s annoying or in your face but she might feel differently (as would I) as I simply don’t like them xx

Onemoretimeok · 03/12/2023 21:10

They are being unreasonable. You can’t ask friends to look after the dog for 3 days over Christmas, that’s a pretty big ask! Dogs aren’t a houseplant, they need attention and walks and you can’t ask someone else to do that at the busiest time of the year! And it’s December already, I can’t imagine that any kennels have any free spots. It’s just not possible to send him away.

bananablues · 03/12/2023 21:11

So I am not keen on dogs but if I had accepted an invitation where a dog lives then maybe a reasonable adjustment would be to introduce the nervous visitor the dog in a calm setting just so they get to know it. The 'wariness' might be from a bad experience in the past of over excited dogs jumping and nipping her.

Penguinfeetteal · 03/12/2023 21:13

Definitely wouldn't be paying for kennels or a dog sitter. They can pay for an air b and b and you'll keep the dog away when they are over for Xmas dinner etc.

WhenLoveIsDone · 03/12/2023 21:15

She sounds a complete arsehole

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 03/12/2023 21:18

Gensola · 03/12/2023 18:33

I can’t imagine putting a dog over family 😨

The dog is part of her family. Dogs can mean much more to people than human "family" they only see now and again.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 03/12/2023 21:20

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

Ah, the Mn dog haters have arrived. You haven't a clue what a dog can mean to people.

CrebillionFils · 03/12/2023 21:22

@WhenLoveIsDone what?! Because she doesn’t like dogs? I love dogs but I’m wary of dogs owned by crap owners that are badly behaved/untrained/dangerous.

I have friends who are phobic of dogs, I don’t judge them, my fear is claustrophobia. Neither of these fears makes us a arseholes..

Also this is probably going through the brother rather than the GF, he wants both his family and his girlfriend for Christmas and is trying to make it work. OP clearly wants dog over DB and girlfriend so she just needs to tell them so they can make alternate plans…

Notonthestairs · 03/12/2023 21:26

It will be far too late to get a good home boarder booked. And I can't imagine you'd want to trial kennels over Christmas (even if you could find one with space).

They shouldn't have ignored their reservations until 3 weeks before Christmas.

AdoraBell · 03/12/2023 21:27

Definitely get your DH to say they’ll stay in a B&B. I’m sure that all kennels will be fully book for Christmas now. When we used to use a kennel we had to book Christmas by about March/April. Any later they were fully booked.

MochaFrappe · 03/12/2023 21:29

I don't like dogs and have been invited to my DH's uncles house for Christmas dinner on a couple of occasions, they have dogs. I've always turned down the invitation because I won't enjoy my Christmas being uncomfortable around the dogs and it's not fair to expect anyone who has dogs to accommodate me in their own home.

I think they should just have made their apologies rather than asking you to temporarily relocate the dog.

Headinthesand21 · 03/12/2023 21:29

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

In your opinion

Many people have dogs who they consider to be ‘part of the family’ and certainly not ‘just a dog’, whatever that even means.

How awful to be asked to send your dog away over Christmas and for the dog to be sent away from his home.

Could you offer to keep them apart over Christmas and maybe use a stair gate or even keep him on a lead when she is there?

Or could they stay elsewhere?

LakeTiticaca · 03/12/2023 21:29

Not a snowballs chance in hell would my dog be put out of his home to accommodate someone else.
Tell them to book a hotel

steppemum · 03/12/2023 21:30

Flickersy · 03/12/2023 18:31

They stay in a nearby air BnB or hotel, come to you during the day, during which you can keep the dog to certain rooms.

It's daft to accept an invitation to stay at a house which has dogs if you're scared of dogs.

sensible solution.

It really isn't about putting family before dog or dog before family. It is about what is or is not practical in a household with a dog on Christmas day.

Nowhere like kennels will have spaces left now.
Many dog owners prefer not to use kennels, but have a network of people who help out with dog. All those people will have their own christmas to worry about, so not convenient to take your dog
Even keeping the dog in another room is a difficult ask, many dogs are used to being where the people are and will get distressed shut out.

I am paying for a housesitter over Christmas so that we can go to my brothers.
The dog doens't care, he doesn't know it is christmas. I can't take him, so we're paying.
It is costing us an arm and a leg, but worth it so we can have a nice Christmas day.

toolate2 · 03/12/2023 21:35

I would consider it very rude if a relative asked me to send my dogs somewhere so they could come to me. Your dog is part of your family, if they dont like dogs they can book somewhere else for the day.

dogvcat · 03/12/2023 21:38

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

”just a dog”!!
My kids and grandkids come first. They are the only ones, who I would put before my pets! Luckily none of them have an issue with my pets. I normally live alone, my pets are my company. They are the ones who snuggle up to me and keep me warm. If a sibling asked me to put them in kennels, as they didn’t like them, they would be told that I would rather put them in the kennels than my pets!

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 21:39

TitsInAbsentia · 03/12/2023 18:49

But the dog is your family!

The dog will be dead in a few years, the brother hopefully not.

Dogs are part of the family but only in the short term.

ohdamnitjanet · 03/12/2023 21:39

Hell no, cheeky fuckers. They could ask you to not take your dog to their house, that would be perfectly reasonable, but to ban your dog from YOUR house? Nut jobs.

Schooldinner2 · 03/12/2023 21:43

Maybe not for a boxer but if it were an xl bully?
I would say that would be a reasonsble request.

FinallyHere · 03/12/2023 21:44

Flickersy · 03/12/2023 18:31

They stay in a nearby air BnB or hotel, come to you during the day, during which you can keep the dog to certain rooms.

It's daft to accept an invitation to stay at a house which has dogs if you're scared of dogs.

This

Staying in other people's houses is hell , do would be a great excuse you have their own space.

Codlingmoths · 03/12/2023 21:44

I’m a bit wary of dogs and I would never ever ask this if someone, especially with so little notice! Totally unreasonable.

XenoBitch · 03/12/2023 21:44

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 21:39

The dog will be dead in a few years, the brother hopefully not.

Dogs are part of the family but only in the short term.

Show quote history

What is the point of your comment?
Yes, dogs tragically live less than humans. Every dog owner knows that. So does that mean dog owners should not give a shit whilst their dog is still alive?
For some people, pet loss is felt greater than when they lose human family.
When you lose a human family member, the loss is reverberated throughout family and beyond. Pet loss, it is often just and you alone that deals with it, and it can be very lonely.
Have a google about how pet and human loss compares. You will be surprised.