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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
Sparticle · 03/12/2023 19:53

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 03/12/2023 18:49

I really dislike dogs, but I think they're being unreasonable to ask this. They accepted the invitation knowing about the dog.

If you were taking the dog to someone else's house (like your in-laws'), then I'd be more sympathetic to them. But it's your house, your dog, and they shouldn't have accepted the invitation if it was an issue.

This is pretty much what I was going to post. I'm not keen on dogs at all and DD is definitely 'wary' but if we were going someone else's house and had accepted the invitation then that's on us.

Mariposista · 03/12/2023 19:58

No way!
Provided that your dog is generally well behaved and doesn't bark excessively, launch himself at people, eat their possessions etc, they are the ones with the issue. The GF is a grown woman and should be getting therapy for her 'wariness', not expecting people to pander to it.

OldTinHat · 03/12/2023 19:58

That's very cheeky of them.

Could you compromise? Find them a cheap travelodge or Airbnb and offer to go halves, maybe?

autienotnaughty · 03/12/2023 20:00

Yes I'd suggest they get an air bnb. And when they visit the other put dog in another room with a bone or something. Or have him on a lead and

echt · 03/12/2023 20:01

OldTinHat · 03/12/2023 19:58

That's very cheeky of them.

Could you compromise? Find them a cheap travelodge or Airbnb and offer to go halves, maybe?

Why on earth should they pay for them? Apart from anything else, they'll still meet the dog at the OP's home.

Kdtym10 · 03/12/2023 20:02

Obviously they’re cheeky fuckers- who in their right mind would visit someone snd expect them to send their dog away.

if you join a dog owning family then you really need to sort out any phobias you can’t expect everyone to be sending away the dog every time you see them.

Laguiri · 03/12/2023 20:02

I have a very good friend who is phobic about dogs. She has an absolute horror of being touched by them. I have two, one of whom is an excessive greeter. I keep them on leads when she arrives, and once they’ve calmed down, let them off but remain vigilant to ensure they don’t approach —let alone touch— her (which of course they want to as she’s always the only person who still hasn’t greeted them 🙄). She trusts me to be vigilant, I am, and there’s never been any problem. It can be managed with very little trouble, and would be even less trouble with someone who’s “wary” rather than outright phobic. Good luck with your Christmas!

bellac11 · 03/12/2023 20:03

I havent read the thread

You're not unreasonable to want your dog with you. She is not unreasonable to be frightened by dogs

They are unreasonable by wanting to stay at a house where the owner has a dog!!

So best all round if they stay elsewhere and visit for the day, thats reasonable.

quitefranklyabsurd · 03/12/2023 20:06

surely just reply to say you have no friends that you feel comfortable leaving him due to Christmas/kids/whatever with and that your usual dog sitter (is fully booked/away/) and that you’ll try (don’t try) and find an alternative but at this short notice it might be tricky. They don’t find an alternative. And leave it at that.

bellac11 · 03/12/2023 20:08

Ohdearohdearohdea · 03/12/2023 19:40

Just say there's no where that would have your dog . All the dog boarding places have been booked. There's no way I would send my dog away at Christmas.

I dont think this is the right answer

Its not about whether there is space in kennels or not, its about whether OP feels its appropriate to do it or not.

And she doesnt.

Meowandthen · 03/12/2023 20:08

She’s getting free accommodation, free meals, in your home. She doesn’t get to dictate what happens to your pets.

If she is incapable of staying in a house with a docile dog, she can stay elsewhere. It’s your dog’s home, not hers.

LessonsInPhysics · 03/12/2023 20:09

ExtendingLead · 03/12/2023 19:37

I understand that bond. It’s intense and loving. But there is something wrong in a life where a relationship with an animal is better than that with any other human being.

Show quote history

Would you place your dog in kennels over Christmas if a family member asked you to today?

CallmePaul · 03/12/2023 20:10

I'd be telling them to bugger off, but if you don't & in the unlikely event that we live locally I'd be temped to say I'd have the dog for the day for you.

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2023 20:10

That's a bit cheeky of them. They can stay in a hotel. I wouldn't out my dog a kennel when I'm at home, nevermind the cost

charmedtomeetyou · 03/12/2023 20:12

I'd rather have my dog than any of my brothers over on Christmas Day. She has been kinder, more loyal and funnier. Don't send your wee guy to a kennel OP! He should be getting turkey din dins leftovers !

NameChange259 · 03/12/2023 20:13

It’s unfair to ask so close to Christmas.

could you compromise and let her stay the first night without the dog so they can settle in? Assuming the first night is not Christmas Eve/Day

Pinkelephant66 · 03/12/2023 20:15

How rude of them to ask! There is no way I would accommodate this

Cosyblankets · 03/12/2023 20:16

Definitely one of those occasions where no is a complete sentence.

Bolloxforsure · 03/12/2023 20:18

That’s a big ask. I’d have to decline and try and find some sort of compromise.

As an aside, what does treating your dog like a child look like? Mine’s just turned three and I haven’t even considered looking at schools yet. Or does it just mean loving them, keeping them safe, considering their needs and treating them every now and then? If so, I’m in.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 03/12/2023 20:19

Might be different where you are but any decent kennel/dog sitter, I expect will be fully booked now. Dog sitters are in high demand and are booked well in advance. Just use that excuse and let them make the decision although they sound like a pair of cheeky fuckers.

Gillypie23 · 03/12/2023 20:19

Absolutely no way. She's staying at your house. She accepts the dog.

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 20:19

NameChange259 · 03/12/2023 20:13

It’s unfair to ask so close to Christmas.

could you compromise and let her stay the first night without the dog so they can settle in? Assuming the first night is not Christmas Eve/Day

And where do you suggest the dog goes? Sod that, if you're staying in someone else's home, you accept the inhabitants of that home. If you don't like it stay elsewhere

jellybeanathome · 03/12/2023 20:20

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

Absolutely not. My dog is part of the family and there is no way that someone being 'wary of dogs' would make me send her away at Christmas. If she can specify the behaviours she is wary of, you can reassure and make sure to keep your dog from doing those things until she settles in.

Or they can stay somewhere else.

Pizdietz · 03/12/2023 20:20

I'm nervous of dogs, so if I were her I'd stay in a B&B nearby and visit you.

Asking for anything different is a bit self-centered, I think.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 03/12/2023 20:21

ThreeB · 03/12/2023 18:34

Don't do it. I made a concession last year and sent my dogs to my Mums to facilitate a guest who was nervous. It was the last Christmas for one of them and I'll regret it for ever.

Last Christmas for the guest or last Christmas for the dog??

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