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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
wjpa · 03/12/2023 19:33

Gensola · 03/12/2023 18:33

I can’t imagine putting a dog over family 😨

The dog is family.

anyway it’s not putting a dog over family - it would be pandering to an unreasonable request from someone who is not actually family - she’s a GF. The dog is well behaved. There isn’t a problem, apart from in the GF’s head.

they’ll just have to stay in air bnb or not come. It’s their issue.

kitsuneghost · 03/12/2023 19:33

Yants · 03/12/2023 18:56

An idiotic reply from someone who is probably just as neurotic and anti-dog as the batshit family member the OP is unfortunate enough to have.

Show quote history

Disliking dogs is not neurotic
Buying your dog chtistmas presents and treating it like a child is neurotic.

That being said. Their home their choice.
I am perfectly capable of saying no to an invite if i dislike the fact a dog will be there.

Londonrach1 · 03/12/2023 19:34

It's your dogs home.....the guests stay elsewhere....

Atethehalloweenchocs · 03/12/2023 19:34

There is no way in hell you will be able to find a place for your dog this close to Christmas and they are massively unreasonable to ask you so close to coming. If she is really uncomfortable, she will have to stay elsewhere.

Elspethelf · 03/12/2023 19:35

I use baby gates to either have my pups at the front of the house or back of the house. I use them when we have guests or workmen. Would something like this work?

Alternatively if they stay somewhere nearby could you use a pen while they visit?

You are NBU to keep your dog with you. It seems to me like they left it pretty late to raise this concern.

Floralnomad · 03/12/2023 19:36

YANBU it’s your dogs home , they can stay in a hotel . Any half decent dog boarder or kennels will have been booked by now so even if you wanted to do this it’s unlikely you’d find somewhere .

Dentistlakes · 03/12/2023 19:37

I would tell them that it’s not possible to send the dog away, but that perhaps the best option would be for them
to look for alternative accommodation for their stay. Mention that you are happy to ensure the dog doesn’t jump all over them, but that he will be present in his home for the duration of the proceedings.

ExtendingLead · 03/12/2023 19:37

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 19:24

The only sadness is your total lack of understanding of the depth of the unique relationship between a dog and their human.

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I understand that bond. It’s intense and loving. But there is something wrong in a life where a relationship with an animal is better than that with any other human being.

Wineaddict · 03/12/2023 19:37

Pluvia · 03/12/2023 19:27

They stay in alternative accommodation — your parent's place, maybe — and visit you for from, say, midday to early evening. You walk the dog in the morning, put it in a bedroom or the car or wherever it's likely to be most comfortable, take it out for another walk later in the afternoon with anyone up for it, and wave goodbye to your dog-averse guest in the evening. The Australian GF is going to find life in the UK extremely challenging: there are dogs absolutely everywhere. She needs to take steps to get over her aversion.

You’re suggesting leaving the dog in a car in the middle of winter?

jc12689 · 03/12/2023 19:38

YeahIsaidit · 03/12/2023 19:07

The dog also wouldn't understand why it's being booted out of it's own home to accommodate unreasonable guests

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Well dogs get put in kennels etc for all sorts of different reasons when it suits the owner, and the dog won't understand why they're there, will they.

Stop anthropomorphising dogs

It's funny how a dog is 'one of the family', until the family decide they want to go on holiday and leave the dog behind.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 03/12/2023 19:39

Almondmum · 03/12/2023 18:55

To me the whole people are more important than dogs thing is missing the point.

If someone offers to host you for Christmas day you don't ask them to inconvenience themselves to that level - begging favours of friends or paying loads of money for kennels. That's really really rude. You graciously decline as a pp said.

As someone who really strongly dislikes dogs, I agree with this.

alliscalmish · 03/12/2023 19:39

Do you think they are just looking for an excuse not to come? Perhaps they've decided they really want a Christmas alone and this gives them the get out, because they must know that the likelihood that you'd get pet care at this short notice is slim.

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 19:40

It would be if anyone had said that.

Pogpog21 · 03/12/2023 19:40

Londonrach1 · 03/12/2023 19:34

It's your dogs home.....the guests stay elsewhere....

This!! No way should you send your dog away.

Prescottdanni123 · 03/12/2023 19:40

@kitsuneghost

Buying a dog Christmas presents does not equate to treating it like a child. But then again, this is mumsnet, where if you don't make your dog sleep outside with no blanket and feed it more than just potato skins you are treating it like a child.

ExtendingLead · 03/12/2023 19:40

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 03/12/2023 19:39

As someone who really strongly dislikes dogs, I agree with this.

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Yes. You don’t get to tell your host what to do. If they want to accommodate you that’s fine. But can’t make them change their domestic arrangements.

Ohdearohdearohdea · 03/12/2023 19:40

Just say there's no where that would have your dog . All the dog boarding places have been booked. There's no way I would send my dog away at Christmas.

Nonoatchristmas · 03/12/2023 19:42

ExtendingLead · 03/12/2023 19:37

I understand that bond. It’s intense and loving. But there is something wrong in a life where a relationship with an animal is better than that with any other human being.

Show quote history

Of course a dog, who is an integral part of the family it lives with, comes above most other humans outside that home. Especially ones who have not been in the same country for the last 10 years. ‘Sorry Fluffy, we know we brought you into our home with the intention of always looking after you unless absolutely necessary to put you in alternative care for a bit. But Jane and Mike Suntan have decided to grace us with their presence so off you fuck and a load of our money with you just because she’s a bit iffy about the dog she knew we had for 4 years…’. As the Aussies say, ‘yeah, nah mate’.

JacklynBlue · 03/12/2023 19:43

The usual mad Mumsnet responses.

My dog isn't more important than my humans. But I am. So I won't be making arrangements for my dog to go into kennels because I don't want to. Family members are very welcome but are also free to choose other accommodation if they don't like my home, which includes my dog.

choccytime · 03/12/2023 19:43

No sod that , the dog stays

FrancisSeaton · 03/12/2023 19:44

I'm not a dog person and cannot believe the CFery of this
It's your dogs home! No way should you do this

AutumnLeaves333 · 03/12/2023 19:44

You won’t get a boarding space for your dog this close to Christmas so the choice is already made! Your brother is the unreasonable one for agreeing to come fir Xmas and then leaving it until the last minute to mention this issue!

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 03/12/2023 19:47

I wouldn’t be sending my dog away. They knew you had a dog when they accepted your invitation, that was the time to say about being nervous around the dog, not now.

my mum is nervous of dogs. We’ve always had dogs (often 3 at a time). She’s fine with the small ones now, but is still a little nervous of the larger one. We compromise as my dad actually loves the larger dog and wants to see her. Basically mum comes, the dog is there, but I just don’t let her bother her in the way that I let her bother my in laws or my dad who enjoy the interaction. If your dog is well trained it shouldn’t be a huge deal to not let the dog be in her face and annoying.

RendeersDancingTowardsChristmas · 03/12/2023 19:49

We all love our dogs but the comfort and well being of guests, particularly as the dh hasn't seen his db for years, comes first

That's ridiculous. I have dogs and everyone who comes to my house knows that. I would never move them out for several nights. The costs and faff would be to much for me. If its that much of an issue, guests will have to look for alternative accommodation.

(Luckily it hasn't come to that yet.)
However, I do accept that not everyone is keen on dogs. I keep them in a separate room, when guests are eating or there are small children visiting. That's as far as I go in my own home.

Jaxhog · 03/12/2023 19:52

Flickersy · 03/12/2023 18:31

They stay in a nearby air BnB or hotel, come to you during the day, during which you can keep the dog to certain rooms.

It's daft to accept an invitation to stay at a house which has dogs if you're scared of dogs.

This. I can be nervous about dogs, but I wouldn't expect anyone to send theirs away.