AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

Your dog
Your house

Ok here’s the update - DH spoke to his brother and told him we can’t relocate Buddy for 3 nights. He reassured him that we would be very mindful of his gfs wariness and that Buds doesn’t jump up and is a chilled dog, and we can pop him in another room periodically and out for walks. He offered the suggestion put forward by my mum, or that we can help find an available Airbnb if they really don’t feel comfortable staying. BIL said they really do want to come so he’ll chat with gf about what she feels most comfortable with. Hopefully it’ll work out 🤞

Regarding the timing of this request, Christmas at ours has been arranged since last Christmas. We usually host both our families, and it was last Christmas Day that BIL told us all that they were moving back from Australia and couldn’t wait to be with us all this year. The ‘sleeping arrangements’ were confirmed in August (PIL usually stay at ours, and my parents offered them their spare room so BIL and gf could stay with us). No mention has ever been made that his gf is wary of dogs so it really is last minute!

Thanks again for all your comments, I’ll ignore the one from the person who said that the way I talk about my dog is ‘strange’!

Here is a pic of my boy for those who have asked 🐶❤️

^ This.

Gensola, I totally agree with you, would never put an animal before family.

He’s gorgeous!

Oh Buddy is adorable , I love boxers never had one though . I do admire their sense of humour 😍.

Couldn’t PIL swap & stay at yours?
Then BIL & GF stay at your parents?

The very first response, from @Flickersy, was exactly right. It's stupid to accept an invitation to a doggy household if you can't cope with dogs. They need to stay elsewhere.

Buds is adorable.....❤

No way in hell would I send my dogs away it’s their home. We have friends who are wary of dogs and if we have them over we make changes like baby gates so they can get away from the dogs.

Then you probably have never owned a dog.

He’s beautiful. I had a boxer called max who was the spitting image ❤️

Ignore the “it’s just a dog types”. What do they know!

He is just adorable 🥰
Your solution sounds very kind and measured. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and please give Buddy a big hug from me!

Aww he's lovely! As for the "strange" comment, I tend to find some people stranger than any animal!!! I really do hope you all have a fab Christmas ❤❤❤

Then I guess you’re not a dog owner/lover, so you just don’t get it.

He is "just a dog".

But regardless of that he also is a sentient being with feelings and I never put my dog into kennels as they are horrible places (imo, many may differ) and it was part of the commitment I took on when I got a dog that I would make sure they were cared for properly for the next 10-15 years of their life even if that would make occasions like Christmas or holidays difficult. Our dog would have been quite distressed in a kennel. We only had him away from us a handful of times, first was my dads funeral and we managed to find a dog walker to take him into her home - she then also walked him for nearly 10 years with her dogs that he really got along with and he stayed there for any occasions.

If you can find a family environment to dog sit him for a day or two perhaps consider it, but it will be expensive and likely fully booked for Christmas.

Otherwise tell them you are sorry to hear that but the dog will not go to kennels, it is a well behaved dog, and the options are the gf gets over it tries to get along with it and/or they stay at an airbnb and visit and when they do you will put dog in bedroom for short periods and/or keep him settled next to you while she is there.

This.

I couldn't imagine putting an animal before family tbh. As much as I like dogs, I don't like them in the house.

Your dog is part of your family, your brother & girlfriend obviously don’t appreciate the bond between owners & dogs so don’t realise what a big ask they are making.

let them know your dog isn’t going anywhere for practical and, more importantly, emotional reasons, so maybe she can use this opportunity to overcome her fear of dogs or, as someone else suggested, they can book into a nearby B&B or hotel so they can limit their time with your dog to just a few hours daily.

What a handsome boy. Can I come and stay?

They both sound horribly precious - something tells me we can look forward to some justifiable venting from you at Christmas, OP.

Your post is too long. My reply would simply be no!
If I was hosting someone's girlfriend they could either lump the dog or stay at home ff's.

Why are people banging on about putting dogs before family? It’s just saying I can’t accommodate your last minute request, let’s find a solution that works for everyone.

Would you accept an invitation to stay at a dog owners house and then 4ish months later, just a few weeks before Christmas, declare the person should find alternative accommodation for the dog?!

How rude! I would never ask someone to do this & never would I contemplate removing our dog from his home for anyone especially at Christmas time ,
no way!