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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
Chicheguevara · 04/12/2023 15:18

Perhaps your DH’s Brother and GF could stay at friends this Christmas. Anyone who suggested that my dogs did not stay in their own home at anytime of the year would get short shrift.
I would be telling these people that they could sod right off, to sod off as far as they can and just keep going. When they reach a gate with a sign on saying ‘you cannot sod off any further’ to just live the dream, climb over the gate and to keep right on sodding off.
I might be a cow though.

StarDolphins · 04/12/2023 15:22

Absolutely not. Dog stays in his home & they stay in kennels🤣 or a hotel if they’d prefer! No way would my dog be booted out if I was hosting!

telestrations · 04/12/2023 15:36

I think you should probably vacate the property so the new couple can feel truly comfortable over the holidays

You can still come in to do all the cooking and cleaning as long as you're discreet and don't intrude, and for the family meal to take place (that you'll cook and clean up after) but only if that's ok with them.

TommyNever · 04/12/2023 15:39

BIossomtoes · 04/12/2023 08:10

This is such an offensive thing to say for those who have lost dc.

It’s nothing of the sort, don’t be ridiculous. You might see a dog as replaceable and think they’re interchangeable but most people who love their dogs certainly don’t.

Not true at all in my experience. All the hard-core dog lovers I know have enjoyed the company of many dogs, bury them when they die and get another one.

In fact they've had so many dogs they tend to be much less sentimental about it than most people.

Montegufoni2017 · 04/12/2023 15:39

I really don’t care for dogs and I eye roll people that are obsessed with them but she is acting entitled.
I would never accept an invitation to stay at someone’s house knowing they had a dog if I wasn’t able to be there with the dog and expect them to just cast it aside for me for a lengthened period of time.

I think you should reply that sorry you won’t be placing dog elsewhere for the Christmas period for many reasons (finances/unfair/don’t want to/too last minute) but when they’re over you’ll do your best to keep dog away and accommodate if she gets nervous (place dog in bedroom for a bit/take in turns to walk for ten mins/bring in for a cuddle-back to room) but you won’t be able to do that for several days so they’ll have to stay elsewhere, such a shame was so looking forward to it but totally understand etc…

selfish request from them. Doesn’t even matter that you see dog as family, they’re coming to your home, they can’t expect you to banish anything out of it!

sounds like he has said ages ago he will sort it with his brother and then hasn’t and now he’s hoping you’ll sort it for him.

Tracker1234 · 04/12/2023 15:40

God another entitled person thinking the world revolves around them. I do have a dog - a silly daft one who always gets in the way but the UK is full of dogs. She needs to get over it!

Boxers are my favourites although I dont have one. Look like clowns and that they are having a jolly good time until they go off to Rainbow Bridge. dog will love Xmas with you all and no decent kennel will still have vacancies.

Any pictures?

Lesserspottedmama · 04/12/2023 15:45

Can’t you just reassure them that the dog can be kept out the back - utility room?- for much of the visit. It’s ok for her not to like dogs, it must be a big deal for them to mention it. I wouldn’t fancy a bulldog slobbering around me all day for three days (I don’t mean that horribly, I believe you when you say he’s lovely). I don’t think it’s fair on you or the dog for him to be sent away. But seems a shame to upset the apple cart with your family set up, can’t they just be heartily assured the dog will be out of the way much of the time. Dogs are not really family, but I know they can mean a lot.

Sausage1989 · 04/12/2023 15:47

Gensola · 03/12/2023 18:33

I can’t imagine putting a dog over family 😨

Why not? How strange

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/12/2023 15:49

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 04/12/2023 08:31

It's just a dog and it has no concept of Christmas. Of course it should go into kennels to make a guest feel more comfortable.

No he really shouldn't. Even if he did go why should OP pay the kenneling fees rather than the CF she hasn't seen for 10 years?

Lavender14 · 04/12/2023 15:49

Just to say a stairgate is a really good solution. We have one between our kitchen and living room so we can manage our dog who is big and bouncy along with a small toddler. It works very well. It's just a pressure one so doesn't need drilling into the wall.

Iloveshoes123 · 04/12/2023 15:50

I chatted to my mum about it while waiting
for DH to arrive home and she has offered an option of BIL and his girlfriend staying at their house on Xmas Eve and Xmas Day (just coming to ours during the day). My PIL are also staying at their house on those nights so it shouldn’t be too weird for them. My parents would stay at ours on those nights. On Boxing Day, they could have Buddy for the day/night at theirs and BIL and gf could stay at ours. I’m sure my dad would go along with this This seems like a good solution if they go for it and would save them £££ on staying at a hotel/Airbnb.

That's a brilliant solution and so kind of your mum. It is really cheeky to ask someone to send their dog away. I wouldn't ask someone to do it but I do sympathise with her as I would be really uncomfortable around a dog and it would really worry me but having said that yours does sound well behaved.

Miyagi99 · 04/12/2023 15:56

Gensola · 03/12/2023 18:33

I can’t imagine putting a dog over family 😨

The dog IS family.

belly0788 · 04/12/2023 15:56

Tell them to stay somewhere else or not to come the dog comes first end off. how rude of them to ask.. Dogs are better then people!

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2023 16:02

This is insane of course they cannot dictate what happens in your own home. I have the other issue people wanting to bring dogs to ours for Christmas, we have two of our own already and I wouldn't dream of taking my dogs to others houses unless they specifically asked me to! People are so rude!

stepintochristmas1 · 04/12/2023 16:03

Miyagi99 · 04/12/2023 15:56

The dog IS family.

Show quote history

The girlfriend isn't family anyway ' just a girlfriend'.

MenopauseSucks · 04/12/2023 16:05

I'm with a PP - are they using this an excuse not to come?

Anyone with half a brain cell will know that it's far too late to get a dog sitter or kennels booking plus hotels, etc will be fully booked as well.

So as the GF is wary of the dog they have a great excuse not to visit!

Let's see how they react to the workarounds your family are suggesting...

itsallabitofamystery · 04/12/2023 16:07

Please don't put the dog in kennels. We had a similar situation a few years ago, at which point we had quite a stocky staffi. Daft as a brush, but did look a little menacing. We had family staying who had a toddler and therefore (although they never asked directly), we all felt it best if dog went to another family member over Xmas. Unfortunately, this fell through with a few weeks to go and a lot of our local kennels were full. We ended up driving him over two hours away. Honestly, what I saw when I picked him up broke my heart. He had a small heat lamp, a small bed and thin bed sheet. The top of his nose was actually blue from how cold he was. I went mad at the kennels but it was too late by that point. I was so saddened that I had put him there, and for the dogs left behind who must have been staying until the new year.

If you must, find a home from home. I'm sure some kennels are lovely but I'd never ever put my fur babies in one again. I have two Lhasa's now and they spend Christmas where they belong - at home:

MeridianB · 04/12/2023 16:07

They are being totally unreasonable! Keep you me dog at home and send your entitled BIL and SIL somewhere else!

Suddenlychrimbo · 04/12/2023 16:12

I can't imagine being invited to someone's house, then making demands or even suggestions on how they should undergo an expensive and upsetting upheaval just to accommodate me.

If I hated dogs, and someone with a dog invited me to stay, I would politely decline and make another arrangement.

If I was just a bit wary of dogs, I'd probably suck it up to be with the family.

Strange situation, I wonder what other demands DB and GF come up with once they are there, given that they think this is an acceptable request.

ManchesterLu · 04/12/2023 16:13

It's your dog's home. Your guests are invited knowing you have a dog. If they don't like dogs to that extent, they can find somewhere else to stay. It's really not that difficult (and I can't believe I've read some people with the opposite opinion!)

Casperroonie · 04/12/2023 16:15

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 18:33

Cheeky fuckers. The answer from me would be a hard no.

Yes very cheeky! So last minute too

Sunandsea26 · 04/12/2023 16:16

Definitely so unreasonable, she obviously doesn’t get it cos she doesn’t have a pet :( you should want to be with him on Xmas day and I’d be saying no the dog is with us as the dog is our family. They can find alternative accommodation if needed. Get him to sort it with your husband!

Casperroonie · 04/12/2023 16:17

Miyagi99 · 04/12/2023 15:56

The dog IS family.

Show quote history

Definitely, if you have a dog, it's part of the family.

Suddenlychrimbo · 04/12/2023 16:18

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 04/12/2023 14:25

Dismissing someone as neurotic because they don't like dogs, is such a typical dog obsessive answer.

It's just a dog. Dogs don't trump people.
I don't like dogs, they smell and I don't trust them
Doesn't make me neurotic, just my own personal preference.
I wouldn't be going to someone's house ever again, family or not, If they put their dog before my request for it to just not be there whilst I was.

Jeez, dog people are on a different planet sometimes.

Show quote history

With someone as selfish as yourself, I wouldn't be surprised if some people pretended they had a dog so they wouldn't have to put up with your entitled behaviour.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 04/12/2023 16:42

@Buddytheboxer

i woukdnt even say you trued to find a boarding place for Buddy, that signals that you'd find it acceptable!

it's Buddy's house, if she doesn't want to be near the dog she can book alternative accommodation and a Christmas Meal.

maybe she's prepared to give it a go & BIL is interfering??

DH needs to tell his DB that's it's not an option (if he says he won't I'd say fine 'I will then'