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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

643 replies

Buddytheboxer · 03/12/2023 18:28

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 04/12/2023 14:26

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 04/12/2023 08:31

It's just a dog and it has no concept of Christmas. Of course it should go into kennels to make a guest feel more comfortable.

Where is OP going to find a kennel with availability for Christmas now that it's 3 weeks away?! Any decent kennel will have been booked up for months!

Guest knew about the dog being in the house when they accepted the invitation, this is on them.

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 04/12/2023 14:26

Allthenamesaretaken0 · 04/12/2023 13:41

Can you keep the dog in a separate room to everyone over the Xmas period / do you have a garage space you could make cosy for him.

With respect you are the worst type of dog owner with your gushing that everyone loves your dog. No, they really really don't they just tolerate it because it's seen as sacrilege to say you don't like dogs in this country 🙄 I expect you're the type not to apologise when your dog jumps up and covers someone in filthy muddy paws and instead says "oh they're so excited they're just so friendly!"
Anyway, dog rant over, lock them in another room. It should not in any way be a priority over family and the way you talk about the dog is strange

Edited

A thousand times this 👏👏👏

IHeartBiscuits · 04/12/2023 14:26

It would be a no from me. Dog is a family member too.

IHeartBiscuits · 04/12/2023 14:29

There's no such thing as "just a dog" to someone who loves a dog. Same for cats.

OhYeahOhYeah · 04/12/2023 14:32

I wouldn’t be putting our Boxer in kennels over Christmas, plus at this short notice, you’d be hard pushed to find anywhere to take them.

I’d explain that the hound is family and there is nothing you can do at such a pinch for time.

MrsWimpy · 04/12/2023 14:34

I don't like dogs and my DC is very scared of them.

However, we just wouldn't stay somewhere rather than asking them to kennel the dog.

It's a bit odd that they didn't say something sooner. Like "oh thank you but we won't be able to stay as X is scared of dogs".

skyeisthelimit · 04/12/2023 14:36

It sounds like you have come up with a good compromise so far.

I would say that if the dog has to be in the house, then perhaps you could contain it to another room, and talk to the gf and see if you could bring it out to introduce her so that she can get used to it slowly.

I understand that it's the dog's house, but I would put humans before people and ensure that it was shut away so that they could come.

A friend of mine was bitten by a dog as a child so understandably was very nervous around dogs. It would have been a shame if her family had put dogs before her in later years.

DangerousAlchemy · 04/12/2023 14:39

Thats a crazy request OP! Also who are these mythical friends who would welcome your dog when they are also, presumably, cooking a huge roast & entertaining guests of their own?? Plus it's already December so really short notice.

Feraldogmum · 04/12/2023 14:42

They want you to incarcerate your dog because she's a big girls blouse and hasn't thought about getting therapy for this phobia. They are totally unreasonable. Yes people put dogs in kennels when they go away on hols and they delude themselves there happy,newsflash they're not. Fido doesn't know why he's removed from his warm home and family and stuck in a cage for 23 hours of the day, or if mum is ever coming back to get him.My dogs are rescues and have been damaged by being abandoned and stuck in kennels so I will never put them in a cage again, unless at vets. Tell them to get a hotel, it's unfair of them to even suggest you kennel your dog and very rude and inconsiderate to put this pressure on you.

tkwal · 04/12/2023 14:42

I'm not a "soppy over dogs" person but it's your (and his) home. I'm assuming he's reasonably well trained and not prone to leaping all over visitors so I'd expect any guests to accept he will be around.

Verv · 04/12/2023 14:43

This reply has been deleted

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YouJustDoYou · 04/12/2023 14:45

Cheeky bint

Shewaswanton · 04/12/2023 14:51

CharityShopChic · 03/12/2023 18:40

They have voiced concerns, you don't want to accommodate, they won't come.

Depends if you value the human relationship over the one you have with your animal. You say "everybody loves him" - clearly not the case, is it? And however you feel about your pet, it is very much "just a dog".

Well no, @CharityShopChic , it is clearly stated in the OP that this is very much not "just a dog".

OP, the request is unreasonable and that may be why it was addressed to you and not your DH.

Under no circumstances would I send my dog away in these circs. What I might say, if I wanted to show willing, is "how unfortunate, there are only two places I would entrust my dog to, and both are fully booked".

As it happens, our dog goes to friends' houses. Ten years ago we formed a small, very casual "syndicate" of four households whose dogs know each other and get along well. When one family goes away somewhere they cannot take their DD, it is farmed out to one of the other families. Works a treat every time. We are all from the same friendship group too so there are zero concerns about how well the dog will be treated.

But no way would I be sending my dog away in the circs you describe.

LimitIsUp · 04/12/2023 14:53

Oh dear @onlyoneoftheregimentinstep, no of course they don't but their humans do, and that's the point

LimitIsUp · 04/12/2023 14:54

Beautifully put @Verv

BIossomtoes · 04/12/2023 14:55

LimitIsUp · 04/12/2023 14:54

Beautifully put @Verv

Indeed. Couldn’t have put it better myself.

Liamgallaghersparka · 04/12/2023 14:57

Bugger that! That's your dog's home. Tell them to book a B&B.

Shewaswanton · 04/12/2023 14:59

LadyGrinningSoul85 · 04/12/2023 14:25

Dismissing someone as neurotic because they don't like dogs, is such a typical dog obsessive answer.

It's just a dog. Dogs don't trump people.
I don't like dogs, they smell and I don't trust them
Doesn't make me neurotic, just my own personal preference.
I wouldn't be going to someone's house ever again, family or not, If they put their dog before my request for it to just not be there whilst I was.

Jeez, dog people are on a different planet sometimes.

Show quote history

I should imagine, @LadyGrinningSoul85 , that there are a lot of people whose houses you would not be going to, on that basis. Me included.

Feelinadequate23 · 04/12/2023 15:01

Hmm, it's a tricky situation. My family hate dogs but we wanted to visit my aunt every year who has two large "lively" dogs. The compromise was that they were kept in the kitchen / diner for most of the day and we stayed in the living room. They were allowed in the living room later in the day once they had "calmed down" about the fact there were guests in the house.

apostrophewoman · 04/12/2023 15:07

I think you're totally reasonable, I would never have sent my dogs away, and I wouldn't have gone anywhere that they weren't welcome either. Last year was my boy's last Christmas and this year will be very different.
However, for info, in case it might help anyone, I have taken up dog boarding with an app called 'Rover' - sort of a dating app for dog lovers who don't want to put their dogs into kennels. Everyone has a profile and you can send requests to prospective human boarders to see if they have space if you like their profile, and then go and meet them in their home to see if you get on/your dog likes them. I've very much enjoyed all my boarders and they have filled a little bit of a huge hole that I'm not ready to fill permanently yet.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/12/2023 15:07

Op’s solution of them staying at her mum’s house with his parents and just visiting for lunch with dog not on furniture or near them when eating then her mum taking dog all Boxing Day so they can come over and relax sounds very thoughtful.

Pugdays · 04/12/2023 15:09

Nah ..I'd not have that
Your house ,your dog
Don't make any changes for them , because it won't stop at the dog ,it will be sleeping arrangements and food ect
Tell dB ,you will monitor introductions and help his girlfriend become more confident with dogs

Loubilou23 · 04/12/2023 15:09

An absolute FLAT NO from me, would rather the visitors didn't come.

I would never put my dogs in kennels, however fortunately for me, I don't think I would be put in this position as don't have anything to do with people who can't tolerate my dogs in my home.

At a push, if someone was really terrified and I couldn't get out of them visiting, I might put the dogs behind a baby gate in another room whilst someone was visiting, that way they can still see what is happening (one of ours would scratch the door down if we shut them in).

DoloresDelEriba · 04/12/2023 15:10

Absolutely not. it's your home, your dog, your rules. They are being utterly cheeky and frankly hilarious asking you to remove the dog. If I have nervous visitors (I have JRTerrier) I keep her on a lead in the house and keep her away from them. Possibly a bit of segregation in the house might work - mine sometimes gets shut in the bedroom or kitchen if she is being too enthusiastic - but that is up to you, not them. People really are astounding. And bloody rude frankly.
Stand firm. Good luck OP. 💪

Loubilou23 · 04/12/2023 15:11

Dixiechickonhols · 04/12/2023 15:07

Op’s solution of them staying at her mum’s house with his parents and just visiting for lunch with dog not on furniture or near them when eating then her mum taking dog all Boxing Day so they can come over and relax sounds very thoughtful.

I wouldn't bow to it.....because they'll expect it everytime and you'll end up in some merry go round stupid situation from now on.

She may be wary, but I am sure once she realises the dog is nice and friendly she will get over it.