AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

Nope! Your home is the dogs home. If the girlfriend isn’t happy with that then they can stay in a local hotel or b&b.

Or she can suck it up and deal with the fact that there will be a dog in the house she is staying in - presumably FOC - for those few days.

Very unreasonable request but you have come up with some excellent solutions

I've got a boxer (my 3rd), he's definitely a member of my family and I wouldn't put him in kennels to please anyone! Tell them NO!

Her being wary of dogs is very much her problem, not yours.

The dog doesn't understand Christmas though? How can you put an animal before a human? It's pure madness!

It doesn't matter that the dog doesn't understand Christmas. The point is that the dog also doesn't understand why he's being left in a kennel for three days, away from everyone and everything he knows, and will likely be scared and miserable. He will not understand that the OP is going to come back for him.

Also, it's not about 'putting an animal before a human'. It's about the fact that if people come to stay in your home, they do that on your terms and if there's something they don't feel they can cope with, then it's up to them to find somewhere else to stay. My aunt is scared of dogs and last time she was in the UK and my sister offered her a bed for a couple of nights, she said 'That's lovely of you but we'll get a hotel because I know you've got big dogs and I'd be on edge around them'. That is how, if you are scared of dogs, you deal with other people having dogs.

OP sounds like a great solution. I wouldn't put my dogs in kennels either. It's my dogs home.
Vast majority of my family and friends are dog lovers, however I still put my dogs away when people come in as one is especially overexcited.

Once he calms down, he's allowed back in and will go to his bed and not annoy anyone

Your proposal seems very kind and fair given they have rudely just dropped this bombshell 2 weeks to go. I’m sure it will all work out.

Can I just add that the GF might not even have any idea that her partner has even asked this request? For all we know, he's aware she's a bit scared of dogs as she's made passing comments and then he's taken it upon himself to send a cheeky request? The fact that the GF didn't mention this on video calls etc. backs up this point as I imagine she'd feel too rude to mention it as you love your dog so much...

So basically, blame the brother not the gf for the message!

The OP hasn't said when the invite was issued, just that the relatives have only recently moved back to the UK after ten years in Australia.

I'm just surprised that it took posting on MN to suggest discussing options with wider family - usually that would be the first port of call.

As a life long animal owner I take fear of animals seriously when guests come. I also that relatively few of the dogs described as "well trained" are actually well trained and that even then, the fear remains.

Ultimately much as we love our pets they are animals and deserve to be managed and cared for with those expectations. The anthropomorphism fostered by pet company marketing departments distorts that relationship.

I’m guessing you’ve never had a dog!

I wouldn’t stay anywhere there’s a dog, however I wouldn’t expect someone else to put their dog into kennels or somewhere to accommodate me, I would accommodate myself by staying somewhere else.

YANBU. They’re coming to your house. They knew in advance that you have a dog. It’s undoubtedly too late to find kennels for Christmas at this stage anyway.

I don't like dogs but NEVER wouid I dream of asking anybody to do this that's WILD

What a shame for everyone involved. Obviously you can't send your dog away. Even if you could get him into a kennel at this short notice, the cost alone and the impact it might have on the dog, it isn't a fair request (my dog didn't do well in boarding kennels)
But as somebody previously scared of dogs, I get why she's anxious.
I think the best you can do, is reassure her that the dog won't jump up or bother her (if that's the case) I'd try to think of ways to put her mind at ease about the dog. Don't be upset with them for asking. A phobia isn't something you can control.

Agree that you shouldn't send the dog away. Also, your mum sounds lovely to give up her house for your in-laws!

Can you keep the dog in a separate room to everyone over the Xmas period / do you have a garage space you could make cosy for him.

With respect you are the worst type of dog owner with your gushing that everyone loves your dog. No, they really really don't they just tolerate it because it's seen as sacrilege to say you don't like dogs in this country 🙄 I expect you're the type not to apologise when your dog jumps up and covers someone in filthy muddy paws and instead says "oh they're so excited they're just so friendly!"
Anyway, dog rant over, lock them in another room. It should not in any way be a priority over family and the way you talk about the dog is strange

Glad you found a solution OP.

It would be hard to kennel over Christmas, could be expensive, the dog hadn’t been before - you could even end up having to collect him.

The are being unreasonable, it’s too late in the day and it’s YOUR home not theirs.

You're so kind and accommodating, OP - with that sort of attitude, you're BOUND to have a fabulous Christmas!
Cheers to you and Buddy!

Dogs honestly have no concept of Christmas.

It's far too late for them to ask that now anyway - any decent dog sitter or kennels will have been booked up for months.

I think that's really rude of them tbh. Your house, your rules.

Send the GF to the kennels for Christmas. Your DB is a twat.

Great update OP, now all we need is a picture of the lovely Buddy!

Ive read page 1 and this page so apologies if ive missed a MN dogs bunfight in-between.

Hell would freeze over before I would remove my dog from my home in order to satisfy the request of a guest.
Get to absolute fuck would be my response.

Nope. AirBnB for them.

You can just say 'no'

• and then (since you do want to see them) soften this by adding sadly that it is too late to book anywhere suitable now.

Terrifyingly add '...but not to worry - he is no trouble and she'll love him' :)

Dismissing someone as neurotic because they don't like dogs, is such a typical dog obsessive answer.

It's just a dog. Dogs don't trump people.
I don't like dogs, they smell and I don't trust them
Doesn't make me neurotic, just my own personal preference.
I wouldn't be going to someone's house ever again, family or not, If they put their dog before my request for it to just not be there whilst I was.

Jeez, dog people are on a different planet sometimes.