AIBU to not want to keep our dog away from us on Christmas Day?

[Buddytheboxer]

We have a 4 year old Boxer dog who is very much part of our family. We don’t have children yet and both WFH so he is with us all the time. He’s lovely and absolutely no bother, everyone loves him.

We are hosting Christmas Day this year, both sets of parents, my sister and her partner and DH’s brother and his girlfriend.

DH’s brother and gf recently moved back to the UK after living in Australia for the last 10 years so we haven’t seen them in person for a long time, but have FaceTimed and WhatsApped regularly. Earlier today he messaged me (not sure why me and not DH or both of us) and asked if our dog could stay with friends over Christmas, or if we could book him in at a kennels, as his gf is wary of dogs. They are supposed to be staying with us for 3 nights. They have seen our dog loads of times via FaceTime, they address Christmas cards to us and the dog etc and have never mentioned this wariness.

I’m swinging between feeling a bit miffed at the request but also not wanting her to feel nervous or uncomfortable, I like her and was looking forward to seeing them after so long. However there is no way I could send our dog away at Christmas. He’s not ‘just a dog’ we adore him and he is our family.

I haven’t had chance to speak to DH yet as he’s travelling home from a work trip and won’t be home until late. I haven’t replied to the message yet as I really don’t know what to say, it’s a bit of a lose lose situation:

a) If we don’t send our dog away BIL and gf might decide not to come which would be a shame, especially for DH and his parents. It would seem that we are putting our dog before BIL and gf which I guess we would be, but as I said he is our family.

b) If we do find somewhere for him to go (unlikely, as everyone who would normally dog sit on the rare occasions we’ve needed it will be at ours, and he’s never been in kennels so I definitely wouldn’t do that) it doesn’t feel right for him not to be with us over Christmas, it’s unfair on him and us, and a very big ask for anyone to look after a dog over Christmas.

c) If they accept we can’t send him away and still come, I’ll be on tenterhooks the whole time worrying that she is feeling uncomfortable and trying to make sure he stays out of her way (he is not a nuisance dog, he loves a fuss but isn’t ‘in your face’) it won’t be a relaxing time.

I feel like this request has really put a downer on things. AIBU to not want our dog to be sent away to accommodate BIL’s gf’s ‘wariness’?

I completely agree. I don't like dogs but they are being totally unreasonable. I don't stay at my DB's house or my friend's house as both of them have dogs. I will go and visit (then come home and have to wash my clothes as they're covered in dog hair 😑) but I won't stay overnight as I wouldn't be comfortable and their dog is a loved family pet.

I would never dream of asking someone if the dog could be put in kennels. What CFers.

@XenoBitch yes they're devastated. And then they get another dog. So not really like family at all.

It doesn’t work like that. Dogs are as irreplaceable as children, no two are the same. And everyone who has dogs has The One that captures their heart like no other.

Dear lord YANBU. My ds1 is wary of dogs so if we were invited to stay overnight with a family with dogs then I'd have to give it serious consideration, possibly we'd stay elsewhere but no way would I expect the dog to stay elsewhere. That's bonkers.

tell them to stay at home and enjoy their new surroundings.
I wouldn't even invite them for the day & keep the dog confined to certain rooms, given their attitude.

You absolutely should have your dog with you in your home. However, as a parent of a child who has a massive dog phobia, I recognise the challenges for some people of going to a house with a dog. My question to you would be, what would you be prepared to do to try to make it work? Eg- if they got a cheap hotel room, would you make any adjustments whilst the girlfriend is at your house?

Nope! Your dog is part of your family I know some people think dogs are 'just animals' that can be moved around from pillar to post but it's your dogs home and you are its people. No bloody way would I prioritise someone who was 'wary of dogs' over my four legged family member.

You are entitled to your opinion, but I really hope you keep that to yourself when you encounter anyone experiencing pet bereavement.

My dog has her own personality, experiences, likes/dislikes, memories, quirks etc. To think when she is gone, I can just "replace" her, is offensive and hurtful.
She is my family, and you do not have the right to say otherwise, because you are not me or my dog.

People who lose children at a young age, or to miscarriage... do you say the same about them too?

So they knew you had a dog but said they would stay with you over Christmas and then asked you to send your dog away.

My response would be, it will be great to see you shame you can't stay with us, I believe there are lots of bnbs around but best be quick!

No way would my dog be sent away for Christmas. I would not discuss with anyone else and not comment, I would shut down any comments about them having been away. Start as you mean to go on OP.

So what? The vast majority of people realise dogs aren’t humans but they are allowed to love them endlessly for their short lives.

People have new relationships after their long term partners sadly die, even in their old age. Nothing and no one is replaceable. It’s ok to move on.

I used to be terrified of dogs (not any more and now I have one) and I think she's being unreasonable. I'd never have expected someone to send their family pet away to accommodate me.

I'd respond and say unfortunately it's too short notice for you to source someone to watch your dog (any kennels or pet sitters who work over Xmas will be fully booked by now) so you can't accommodate it. Then it's up to her to feel she's fine going, or they need to stay at an airbnb. If they do stay with you I would make a considerable effort to keep the dog away from her though.

I’m also guessing the bil has never hosted several people for Christmas.
Op will probably have lots of things to do like sorting bedrooms, picking up food.
Drive dog to kennels on Christmas Eve is probably last thing Op will have time for.

Dogs ARE family.

Simple solution,they book somewhere else to stay.No way would I entertain sending my dog away!! Bloody cheek!!

Absolutely not. Our dog is part of our family, she doesn't get sent away to be sad.

Get a couple of stairgatesvso that the dog can easily be segregated from the nervous family member. Tell them it is too late to send the dog away but you have made arrangements so that she is unlikely to need to have contact with the dog if she doesn't feel happy about it.

OP , I'm so glad you're not sending your lovely dog away. They probably knew you'd say no, but thought it was worth asking on the offchance. You never know, even though she's wary of dogs she might overcome it. I used to be petrified of dogs myself as I was bitten a few times by various strays,and also a couple of my friends dogs as a child. When I became an adult I met friendly dogs in safer situations and then I realised that I loved them and became a dog owner. Our dog comes first, lots of people on this thread have said " he doesn't know it's Christmas" but you do and you wouldn't enjoy it as much without him . Have a lovely Christmas with your family including your dog !

No let them find somewhere else to stay he tried to put you on the spot by asking you and not his brother.

I hate dogs, I’m really scared of them (even my nan’s poodle 😂) and even I think YANBU and they are being unreasonable. You can’t send someone’s pet away. I’ve stayed at friends’ who had a dog (ironically also a boxer) and I was scared shitless but put up with it to spend time with my friends.

Dear sis. We have no understanding of your request....we wouldn't put mother in a home or at a friend's house for three days so don't expect us to put our much loved dog in a home or a friends house. At least Mother would understand where she was, etc. My dog wouldn't.

You haven’t said what your dog is like. My niece has a jumpy dog and she does seem much harder to train than her previous little dog who was a very calm and well behaved dog. But it can’t reach above your knees and won’t knock you over.

They cant ask for the dog to be removed but the stair gate solution some have suggested seems a good compromise. I would say that people just go off on one about dogs but dog behaviour varies considerably just like humans. Plus what a dog owner has as their set of rules for a dog, some people let them on sofas and some do not, all that kind of thing.

The OP has said what the dog is like. In her OP. The GF is "wary of dogs", a generalised attitude. Their very late request is a general one, i.e. get rid of the dog for the duration, unrelated to the dog's behaviour, just its being a dog.

I'm beginning to understand why so many families end up no contact .

Alternatively " I have checked and no dog sitters have any spaces left. Pixie isn't a jumper and we'll try to keep her in a different room most of the time. Or the Premier Inn down the road has still got rooms.
Really looking forward to seeing you and Lulu, hope we get a solution that works."

I was going to say you were being unreasonable until I read that you had a boxer.
Of course you can't send himm away!

Alternatively " I have checked and no dog sitters have any spaces left.

Nooooooo.

1. Why lie? Why is everyone's default position to fib nowadays? The plain truth is always better.

1. OP must not indulge this request by entertaining it at all. It is not remotely reasonable. SIL is being completely foul.