To kick dh out after he invited an 18 yr old girl to our house last night and sha""ed her in my bed while I was on a night shift?

[totaleclipse]

Of course he says he only nearly did, but changed his mind at the last minute......yeah yeah whatever!!!!!!

YANBU

@ lulumama

I would empty the joint account and change the locks.
Given that he's done what he wanted, he can now go away and give you some breathing space to decide what you want.

The trouble is that to do something so audatious as actually shagging in your bed makes me wonder whether he has misbehaved before. It definitely makes me wonder whether he'll do it again.

Hope you're ok, totaleclipse.

oh, if nothing else at least burn your sheets

Totaleclipse so sorry, that's just appalling

Can you get someone else to take the children for a few hours so you can sort out some practical things? e.g. get some advice

very good point winnie
maybe she should, or at least her mother with a note saying

'your daughter borrowed this from my husband, have decided she can keep it'

OK, I don't know you TE, or your situation but have read your posts and the responses and want to offer an alternative option...

It is awful, insulting, fucking horrible but you could ...Do nothing drastic now. Kick him out but or a while, to think about it. And then settle down and work out what you want. You know, some people believe that such affairs can be got over. I've known two such couples with children where one party had an affair and they worked it out. And their relationships were much better and stronger, actually, afterwards.

You have children together and for some people that would be a reason to at least see whether the relationship is rescuable, however horrendous the betrayal.

I would suggest not making any dramatic decisions (or at least, just play them out in your head for now, including all the revenge fantasies!) and then get some financial advice, some counselling (Relate might see you quickly if you're in a crisis) and give yourself some time and space to think about it.

YANBU

So sorry you are going through this

goodness this is awful for you.

((hugs)) for you and your children

im so sorry to hear this total, you deserve so much better

Bloody hell

YANBU at all...

Give yourself some time to think about what YOU want, and get as much professional advice as you can - agree with Monkeybird.

What does he say - does he want to go? Is he worried you'll kick him out? I know his opinions don't count for diddly now (or possibly ever again)

And can you get some support in RL - friend, relatives, even if it's just to help out with the mundane for a few weeks, like school runs etc - get as much practical help as you can as this must be an awful shock!

You can talk to the docs if you need support to help sort your head out - I know you're OK, but docs can help get counselling if you feel you need it.

((hugs)) to you and kids - whatever YOUR decision, it will be the right one in the end.

Agree with every one who has been appalled by your dh's terrible behaviour. Can quite see how you would lose all trust in him.

But I'd like to ask: has he expressed the slightest bit of remorse? Is this an isolated incident or has he showed disrespect for you and your relationship before?

He is begging and pleading with me to come back, he says he is sorry but only did it because I dont show him enough attention

We dont have joint accounts, but I am in huge debt so am considering bankruptcy.

I really dont think I want him back, and I have no idea how he will react.

I have lots of support thankfully from family, my step dad is great, though he scared me when he said "you have never seen my temper, if you did you might see me in a different light" he is not at all voilent so not sure what he meant by that.

You poor think. What an utter bastard, he should be grateful to have left with his bits intact.

Glad you've got rl support. Don't let him worm his way back, give yourself time to get some perspective.

and for you

thing

Thoughts are with you.

agree with nab3 & monkeybird,
relationships recover from affairs - this sounds like a stupid mistake
could be unforgivable but could be saved after a hell of a lot of work on his part
NOT excusing him at all, just saying don't make any hasty (irreversible) decisions
so sorry you are going through this

just read your last post, sorry, you do sound like you want to end things, wasn't arguing with you iyswim

TE, how horrible. I'm really sorry. Do you have copies of all your important documents and passports etc.?

OK hang on a minute

Was this a drunken one off or an affair?
Has he admitted to it?
Was there any ..ahem..evidence in the condom to show he had gone through with it?

He will be lying obviously to cover up but it sounds like you have enough evidence

If this is just a silly and awful and damaging one night stand, a one off, is it worth throwing your whole marriage away over?

I agree with whoever said kick him out just for a bit then work on it together.

Something must be wrong for him to do it in the first place, unless you try and work it out together then you have no hope.

and I really feel for you
You must be going through hell

total eclipse- I don't think that I could ever forgive and forget if my dp did the same thing.
I think you are right- once that trust and respect has gone, everything else is tainted.
And he is still trying to blame it on you- why didn't he speak to you about you lack of affection before shagging a teenager??
Sounds like your better off without him tbh

Suddenly realised my post could be mis-construed - I meant don't let him worm his way back in until you have had some head space and can decide what you want to do.