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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

honestly, would you think badly of me for this?

202 replies

snowsnowsnow1 · 02/12/2023 22:43

just wondered would this honestly put you off, or make you think negatively at all?

Im in a profession where I see clients and I sit approx 1.5m meter away from them. But I have horrendous psoriasis which flares up and down and unfortunately right now is very much a flare up. Im covered all over my neck, scalp, ears, edge of my face and across my body with it. Its just the typical psoraisis plaques and it looks pretty awful. I've been under dermatology for years but am stuck between a rock and a hardplace with treatment- we have tried everything available topically and nothing controls it, but its not widespread enough to merit biologics etc. Phototherapy didnt helping either and can't be carried out over my scalp anyway because of my hair. The only thing that helps in the short term is oral steroids so I usually get prednisone to take. anyway, im digressing and ill probably make another thread about treatments etc, but ill get back to the original point of my thread now.

as a client, would this put you off seeing me? or would you honestly think anything negatively at all? im self conscious but thought it was something people would undoubtably notice but not say anything about but ive had quite a lot of stares and grossed out looks in public at the shops and ive had a few comments too unfortunately recently

it doesn't affect my ability to do my job and I usually sit about 1.5m from patients so near enough to for them to notice but its not actually near them IWSIM. and its not on my hands or arms.

would this put you off seeing me or make you think negatively about me? suppose I just wondered what people would honestly think (I promise im not going to get all offended if its not good)
Thanks x

OP posts:
MaidOfSteel · 02/12/2023 23:52

I have Psoriasis, too. No, I wouldn't think negatively or be put off from seeing you. Not at all.

Firey · 02/12/2023 23:59

I’m going to be honest… yes, it probably would put me off if I didn’t know you.

I have no idea what psoriasis looks like compared to something contagious, so I may be taken aback.

But as to whether it puts off your clients - you probably know better than us. What do you do?

Is there possible contact, do you get within breathing distance (eg opticians) or are you across the other side of a desk?

Are they understanding people who will think of possibilities and be ‘charitable’ in their assumptions… or are they people who will assume the worse?

Skin conditions suck, and you have my every sympathy in battling this one.

QueenBean22 · 03/12/2023 00:01

No it wouldn’t

spuddel · 03/12/2023 00:02

No I would definitely not be thinking negatively of you or anyone with a skin condition!

Whalewatchers · 03/12/2023 00:06

I have rosacea and I'm often very self conscious of it. I would not judge you, beauty is skin-deep.

CBAMumma · 03/12/2023 00:12

Firey · 02/12/2023 23:59

I’m going to be honest… yes, it probably would put me off if I didn’t know you.

I have no idea what psoriasis looks like compared to something contagious, so I may be taken aback.

But as to whether it puts off your clients - you probably know better than us. What do you do?

Is there possible contact, do you get within breathing distance (eg opticians) or are you across the other side of a desk?

Are they understanding people who will think of possibilities and be ‘charitable’ in their assumptions… or are they people who will assume the worse?

Skin conditions suck, and you have my every sympathy in battling this one.

To be totally honest, I’d be the same.

I appreciate it’s not something you should have to do, but it would immediately disarm me if you briefly mentioned it. Eg ‘please excuse this, I’m having a psoriasis flare up, I assure you it’s not contagious’
For me personally, that would make me not notice it any further.

tomatoontoast · 03/12/2023 00:18

I wouldn't think twice about it.

NotAStrongFemaleRoleModel · 03/12/2023 00:22

I've suffered with terrible acne tha and dermatitis to my face & hands.

I've had all the cruel comments and looks of disgust. Ive been given tons of unhelpful advice to just "wash properly" or "not eat too much chocolate" and other such shit. I've had people recoiling in horror upon touching or seeing my hands and exclaiming "eurgh, what's wrong with your hands!"

So as a skin condition sufferer myself, no I wouldn't judge you or be put off. I understand how confidence shattering it is, extremely difficult to control, as well as physically painful to boot.

Your skin would never be an issue to me. As long as you do your job in the way it should be, that's all that matters.

OhIlovetosew · 03/12/2023 00:24

weatherheather · 02/12/2023 23:08

I would really try and push for methotrexate or other types of drug - I've been there since age 11 - and after everything this has worked - good luck - it's such a painful, stressful, soul destroying disease x

OP definitely this. Personally I know nothing about the finer details but I have a male friend who is on this and it’s changed his life completely.

id really push to find out more and see if it were the sort of thing you could take.

mimiku · 03/12/2023 00:24

It wouldn’t bother me no, I’d just feel sympathetic. My dad and grandad both have moderate psoriasis, both have scarring on their legs, when it’s bad it’s sore and uncomfortable. I’d just feel for you really having it so badly.

cattygorically · 03/12/2023 00:26

Nope, wouldn't bother me 😊 I hope you find some successful treatments soon though as sounds awful for you. Good luck!

HowDidThisHappenDinesh · 03/12/2023 00:34

Have just googled what it looks like (am sure I’ve seen it before, but couldn’t recall) and no, it wouldn’t bother me.

Sendhelp101 · 03/12/2023 00:39

It wouldn't bother me and would still be happy to see you Xx would have to stop myself asking if you were OK though!

Trumpetpants · 03/12/2023 00:41

Wouldn't bother me at all. I've got severe eczema and recently started Methotrexate and have to take rescue courses of oral steroids.
I'm covered from top to toe :( it's everywhere except my face.
Hope you get some relief soon x

RethinkingLife · 03/12/2023 00:41

snowsnowsnow1 · 02/12/2023 23:17

I’m really keen to try methotrexate! I mentioned it but was told it wasn’t widespread enough for it as apparently it needs to cover almost all of the body for it 😩 I’ve heard so many good results about it though. Wondering if it’s possible to have it prescribed privately if I could see a private dermatologist? I’ve only ever been under NHS x

It's comparatively cheap as interventions go so it's worth trying to see if you can have a private consultation that your GP will fulfil.

I'm surprised your immunologist isn't considering that your public-facing work might be a justification for trying a biologic tx but if you haven't tried methotrexate, it's worth going through that step.

NB: I've had people back away from me when psoriasis has been visible and bad. But, I mean the skin suppurated, broke, leaked and stuck to my clothing and bedding, broke more and would bleed.

cerisepanther73 · 03/12/2023 00:44

It wouldn't bother me either,

All i am interested in when i see a proffessional who's working on my behalf is are they reasonable good at doing this 🤔 or are they not so good or crap no good that's it.

As for the people who comment on your looks your skin disorder,
they are just "Arseholes" shitty individuals unfortunately in life come across those types too,
thankfully there are some , more better people than ones like that out there,

no wonder some people prefer their pets, to fellow human beings,
when you come across 💩ones like that.

smilesup · 03/12/2023 00:48

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Most people wouldn't and if they did honestly, fuck 'em. Business or not they aren't worth worrying about.

As an aside I know several people because of my job as an HCP who have had their psoriasis massively helped by completing cutting out every molecule of dairy. Worth a go if you haven't
. But you have to be really strict for at least 8 weeks

oakleaffy · 03/12/2023 00:50

Definitely wouldn't think badly of anyone with psoriasis.
It's not even catching, so why would anyone be worried?

Stress is well known for bringing it on- Hope it eases for you @snowsnowsnow1

mapletreecottage · 03/12/2023 00:50

People tend to think it's contagious. I had a friend who I met up with sometimes at a swimming pool who had a really quite small patch on her thigh, and she told me she was commented on and criticised for going into the pool every time she went into the change rooms and I saw the looks of disgust people gave her as she went in and out of the water. To be honest, before we started chatting and she told me about it, I was a bit alarmed by it and worried it was contagious.

VashtaNerada · 03/12/2023 00:56

I don’t know anyone with psoriasis so I might be curious what it is tbh. If you’re comfortable with it, you could mention it at the start of the conversation eg “sorry, I won’t shake your hand, I’m having a psoriasis flare up”. That’ll stop people wondering what it is so they can actually concentrate on what you’re saying!

AngeloMysterioso · 03/12/2023 00:56

As someone who used to suffer with eczema so badly I looked diseased, the only thing I would feel is sympathy.

Museum10660 · 03/12/2023 01:06

@snowsnowsnow1
For me what matters the most is your knowledge, skills and expertise , not how you look.

CharlotteRose90 · 03/12/2023 01:12

Nope I definitely wouldn’t think any differently of you. One of my team leaders at work has it and while it’s obvious what it is I don’t think any different of her.

BlueEyedPeanut · 03/12/2023 01:26

Sadly, there are a lot of ignorant people out there. I am another psoriasis sufferer and I have had comments. Usually second-hand because people don't have the balls to say them to my face. Even management can be ignorant ("maybe try wearing a scarf").

Jom222 · 03/12/2023 01:52

It wouldn’t put me off at all but to be honest if the flare up is as bad as described I’d probably look a couple times during the appointment, wonder if it was itchy or painful then mentally get back to our business at hand. I wouldn’t question your competence or think negatively about you!

Anything physically out of the norm can be distracting initially but I’d like to think most adults wouldn’t let it interfere with things.