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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

honestly, would you think badly of me for this?

202 replies

snowsnowsnow1 · 02/12/2023 22:43

just wondered would this honestly put you off, or make you think negatively at all?

Im in a profession where I see clients and I sit approx 1.5m meter away from them. But I have horrendous psoriasis which flares up and down and unfortunately right now is very much a flare up. Im covered all over my neck, scalp, ears, edge of my face and across my body with it. Its just the typical psoraisis plaques and it looks pretty awful. I've been under dermatology for years but am stuck between a rock and a hardplace with treatment- we have tried everything available topically and nothing controls it, but its not widespread enough to merit biologics etc. Phototherapy didnt helping either and can't be carried out over my scalp anyway because of my hair. The only thing that helps in the short term is oral steroids so I usually get prednisone to take. anyway, im digressing and ill probably make another thread about treatments etc, but ill get back to the original point of my thread now.

as a client, would this put you off seeing me? or would you honestly think anything negatively at all? im self conscious but thought it was something people would undoubtably notice but not say anything about but ive had quite a lot of stares and grossed out looks in public at the shops and ive had a few comments too unfortunately recently

it doesn't affect my ability to do my job and I usually sit about 1.5m from patients so near enough to for them to notice but its not actually near them IWSIM. and its not on my hands or arms.

would this put you off seeing me or make you think negatively about me? suppose I just wondered what people would honestly think (I promise im not going to get all offended if its not good)
Thanks x

OP posts:
Strawberryshortcake90 · 02/12/2023 23:12

Absolutely wouldn’t put me off seeing you at all. Wouldn’t think anything other than ‘you poor thing, that looks sore’.

featherlampshade · 02/12/2023 23:13

Absolutely would not be put off! If anything I would have so much compassion for you as my partner has it, and I see what he has to go through

SoddingWeddings · 02/12/2023 23:14

Have you posted about this before? I'm sure I've read this same scenario in the last few months.

funbags3 · 02/12/2023 23:17

The only time mine disappears is when the sun's out. Obviously, I wouldn't think anything of it or any other skin condition for that matter.

Candleabra · 02/12/2023 23:17

No it wouldn’t.
Having suffered from psoriasis myself i would feel dreadfully sorry for you.

Original poster
snowsnowsnow1 · 02/12/2023 23:17

I’m really keen to try methotrexate! I mentioned it but was told it wasn’t widespread enough for it as apparently it needs to cover almost all of the body for it 😩 I’ve heard so many good results about it though. Wondering if it’s possible to have it prescribed privately if I could see a private dermatologist? I’ve only ever been under NHS x

OP posts:
funbags3 · 02/12/2023 23:18

I find the ones behind the ears the most sore. Do you also get them in your ears?

Loveandloveandlove · 02/12/2023 23:22

It definitely would not put me off at all! It’s nothing to do with your ability to do your job well.

BlowDryRat · 02/12/2023 23:23

It wouldn't bother me. Psoriasis isn't anything to be ashamed of.

LaurieStrode · 02/12/2023 23:24

No, it wouldn't put me off.

As an aside, several years ago as a writer I interviewed a dermatologist / immunologist at a major research university and he said that psoriasis patients got relief from flares by having their tonsils removed. Might be worth looking into.

Mariposista · 02/12/2023 23:25

Not at all. I’d just feel very sorry for you. Both my uncle and friend have had awful psoriasis and I know how painful they found it. There is nothing unclean or disgusting about it- it’s autoimmune, you can’t help it.

MrsHarrisAParis · 02/12/2023 23:25

I wouldn't think negatively of you but I would have a negative response to it iyswim. I have psoriasis and feel very negatively about it (it stresses me and makes me sad because I feel as though I'm constantly trying treatments and getting nowhere) so my automatic reaction to it is negative. But that's very personal to me and I know it's my issue.

OhHowTheDogsStackUp · 02/12/2023 23:27

snowsnowsnow1 · 02/12/2023 23:17

I’m really keen to try methotrexate! I mentioned it but was told it wasn’t widespread enough for it as apparently it needs to cover almost all of the body for it 😩 I’ve heard so many good results about it though. Wondering if it’s possible to have it prescribed privately if I could see a private dermatologist? I’ve only ever been under NHS x

It's quite a hardcore medication. I've taken it once and that was plenty! I've never felt so sick in my life.

NonPlayerCharacter · 02/12/2023 23:27

No, I've known plenty of people with psoriasis. I'd notice you have it in a neutral way and not think about it any further than that. It's a skin condition, that's all.

Pollyannamex · 02/12/2023 23:27

Not at all, I would feel sympathy for you that’s all.

Cravingsgalore · 02/12/2023 23:28

I definitely wouldn't be put off or think negatively of you. If anything I'd just empathise with you for having to deal with the flare ups. Just try to remember that this is something you have zero control over and anyone who judges someone for something that is totally out of their control, is actually quite nasty. I suspect 99% of people wouldn't even register it or take any notice.

CushionsAreForCuddling · 02/12/2023 23:29

I think it probably does depend a bit what kind of job you do, tbh. I wonder if you're like a therapist or something? (I can imagine that situation with the clients and the distance). In this case I can kind of see it as a potentially a 'thing' as there's such an intense need to connect safely so the smallest of things can be barriers. But generally, no - I'd notice, not say anything, and not consider it anything to do with whatever matters are at hand.

I just worry that a tiny bit of me might be ever so slightly more 'wary' than I should be about it - and I'd be telling myself of for being so.

Veryirritating · 02/12/2023 23:33

MeinKraft · 02/12/2023 23:11

I wouldn't, but I have it too. I can just about cover or control it everywhere but my ears, it's completely out of control in my ears for some reason. I know it must look gross.

As an aside, for anyone with psoriasis, one of my toes has swollen up like a sausage this last few months. Does this mean what I think it means Sad

I have psoriasis and also had painful sausage toe which was eventually diagnosed as PA. It has gone now.

wanttokickoffbutcant · 02/12/2023 23:33

Why would anyone think negatively of you? It is entirely out of your control and my only emotion would be sympathy. I have asthma - would you judge me for that? Only difference is mine isn't visible.

TeenLifeMum · 02/12/2023 23:38

I have eczema and would have nothing but sympathy.

have you tried sun beds and swimming in the sea (probably not something to do when it’s -1 degrees but salt water can really help).

i hope your find and answer but please remember you are much more than a layer of skin.

Curtainscurtains · 02/12/2023 23:40

Not at all.

VioletBeauregardeTheFirst · 02/12/2023 23:43

As a client of yours I would probably rather you referenced it if it really is having those reactions from strangers. Something along the lines of 'I suffer from psoriasis and as you can see I'm having a flare up at the moment. It's not contagious. So, do you have any questions before we start our (conversation/consultation/chat)?
Pretty much every person will say no. And you can start having addressed the elephant in the room. It would help me relax and I'm assuming it would help you not to have that bit of your brain worrying about it.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 02/12/2023 23:43

Absolutely not! My Dad had very bad Psoriasis (he had the UV light therapy twice a week so had a permanent-tan!) so I understand it, in that I'm fully aware it's not contagious etc and not at all related to hygiene.
Anyway, it wouldn't put me off even if you were covered in scars, vitiligo or anything else visible. If anything - and I genuinely mean this, it would honestly make me admire you more. For keeping on and not letting it define you or hold you back.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 02/12/2023 23:48

wanttokickoffbutcant · 02/12/2023 23:33

Why would anyone think negatively of you? It is entirely out of your control and my only emotion would be sympathy. I have asthma - would you judge me for that? Only difference is mine isn't visible.

Believe me, people do. I've heard on multiple occasions of people being turned away from hairdressers until they have 'proof' from a doctor that's it not contagious. Disgraceful

MouseMinge · 02/12/2023 23:52

I have a friend that I've known since grammar school and she suffered from terrible eczema when she was younger. It's more under control these days. I'd notice it and just think how difficult it must be for you. I definitely wouldn't find it offputting, would be quite happy to shake your hand although if it was on your hands I would ask first if that would be uncomfortable for you, and, no, I wouldn't judge you. Frankly, anyone who would judge you would be an arsehole. I certainly wouldn't offer any comment or advice on how you might treat it because what in the name of all buggery would I know! I hope your current flare up ends soon. Please don't worry about other people. Most of us are fairly decent and those who aren't, that's on them, not you.