To stop tight inlaws cooking sad Xmas dinner

[Kiwilime]

Inlaws are early 70s, they're pretty wealthy but so TIGHT. At Christmas their priority is booze. The last time we went to theirs for Christmas we stayed for a few days. MIL was banging on for weeks about all the prep she was doing and how she couldn't wait. Told us explicitly not to bring a thing (we did still bring a few bits including a tub of chocolates we never saw again). But they had barely any food in the house. Bottles and bottles of wine and sherry. But nothing to actually eat, and no Christmas treats, except for a bowl of about 4 humbugs (ironically) in the hallway. We basically ate bran flakes and cheese on toast for four days. Xmas Dinner was sparse (no vegetables because MIL doesn't like them) and all value freezer stuff. It was a bit sad tbh. If that's all you can afford then of course that's fine, but if you're rich and having guests over, I don't understand why you'd serve people that? I'm from a much poorer background and if we had guests we'd at least offer them chocolates/biscuits, and make an effort over Christmas dinner. They're also anal about heating and have a very strict schedule and only heat certain rooms - basically being both hungry and freezing cold is not my idea of a nice Christmas.

So I've offered to bring the turkey/meat and even offered to cook dinner this year, and do some veg, but MIL insists on cooking her usual stuff because that's what they've done for 40 odd years. I've offered to do a nice cheeseboard or a dessert, but even that's been declined.

I've had a shit year and don't want an unecessary Dickensian Christmas. AIBU to bring meat, veg etc for Xmas day and just start cooking?

Maybe not, but staying for several days seems excessive.

Maybe not, but staying for several days seems excessive.

It certainly is if you are going to be cold and hungry all the time.

She called me selfish and told me I wouldn’t be welcome again, fine by me! My children were so cold and she refused to let me light the fire or turn the heating up. I was a single mum of 2 back then and was really scared of spending Christmas on my own but we left at 8am on Boxing Day. The next few years we spent Christmas in our warm house in PJ’s, I’d rather have been alone with cosy children who were fed than be in a baltic house with someone who was miserly. I still shudder thinking about how cold we all were that year.

IKR! I chuckled at how @LookItsMeAgain stated she'd read the whole thread, as if she had carefully considered all angles (unlike other pps) and had come to save the day!

I particularly enjoyed the instruction "become bubbly and vivacious" 😂🤣😂🤣🙄

buy the food you want to eat and take it round- what’s she going to do?

If you say you are 'bubbly and vivacious' and keep repeating it, then people will believe you 😏

I'd stay at home.

They've declined your offers of nice food and treats, I'd declined their offer of an invite.

This thread made the Daily Record yesterday

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/my-rich-mother-law-hosts-31603606

That's one way to get disinvited!

Then surely just stay the one night?

Id rather drive home than stay, but that’s me. I know I view distances different than most in the UK. I’ll drive 4hrs there and back in a day.

Send Trading Standards round.. How is it christmas dinner with no veg? Send dh on his own if he wants to see them.. He needs therapy imo.

Are you sure they're not just inviting you & your family just to keep the peace as well? If they don't make the effort to get some decent food in etc. maybe they can't be bothered with the situation either but feel obliged to invite you just as you feel obliged to go? I would do everyone a favour & say your having Christmas at home but they are welcome to join you. Of course they will decline the offer & then it's a win - win result!

If you must go then prepare.
Take christmassy snacks and put some in your room some out. Make some food and take it and if they get offended just keep saying I just wanted to help contribute and play my part. Get some warm hoodie PJ's and fluffy socks and hot water bottles or thos toys you heat up and hot drink supplies. I'm an arse I'd just outright say I don't understand why you won't do a proper dinner but then moan when I want to help and that they seem to buy booze over food and then your both hungry. The heating thing I can sorta get but not to the point your all freezing. Just because they are his parents dosnt mean he should put up with it.

Take A Turkey ( already cooked and chilled) And hide a Hamper of goodies in your suitcase to nibble on when needed.
When you arrive Yell Loudly " I ve got the turkey!!!!!!!!". If she frowns and makes a fuss say you misunderstood that you thought you had to bring Turkey...etc. This guarantees some grub for yous.( Drastic measures)
If the atmosphere goes downhill a lot then you have confirmation for not trying to flog anymore dead horses and won't feel guilty about future decisions.

@Vonesk a turkey is the one thing that ILs actually provide so it would be bizarre and unnecessary to bring another one, plus it wouldn't give OP any of the vegetables that she actually wants.

I'd be inclined to buy those chilled packs of vegetables that supermarkets do. They can be microwaved easily and shouldn't cause any offence.

The suggestion to take some snacks to keep in the room and some to share is a good one.

They haven't been round for 5 years!

I mean maybe they've got the hint? Take food just I case though, and I'd stay the minimum amount of time.

This post ended up on an Australian website. Kidspot.com.au
Well done media, go find your own stories.

You do know that 'findin' includes researching stories on the internet, right? because how else are they going to find stories that they wouldn't know about otherwise?

The only alternative is people running to the media with every little annoyance in their lives, which would be much worse.

Journalists research stories. Where do we all do our research these days?

Scraping anecdotes about a family spat from anonymous posts on an Internet forum, and turning them into a clickbait piece of copy on a 'news' website counts as neither journalism nor research.

If a journalist read posts on a website, thought there was an actual story of public interest there, contacted the people involved or did some related investigations then that would be research and actual journalism.

For example, if a journalist read on here about someone's dire experience of having a child with special needs in the education system or trying to get doctors to take seriously some symptoms relating to to women's health, and took that as a cue to find others with the same experience, interview people in the health/education system, find relevant statistics etc and then write an original article based on all of that - that is research and genuine journalism.

Unfortunately the real thing also takes time and money, and these days most 'newspapers', or at least their webpages, are staffed by underpaid, inexperienced people who have to churn out multiple pieces of copy a day with no creative input of their own at all.

Lots of it is already AI crap too that is pushed as journalism while laying off more people.

All sounds a bit shit to me. I'd say this was a perfect time to endure a bit of emotional pain to avoid a lifetime of discomfort.
You dont have to go. Tell them you'd like a real OTT 'proper' xmas at yours.
Invite them over if you like. Even if their xmas was fine, you're not committed to going their every year. What will happen if you decline?

AI is more effort than just lifting an existing thread off here. Neither one is journalism, but they don't need to use AI when they can just get an unpaid work experience kid to pull something about class wars or bridezillas off AIBU.

I pointed out that I had read the whole thread, not because I wanted my post to appear to others as though I had considered all angles or any angles at all.
No, I posted that I had read the whole thread because I've seen posted on countless other threads "Have you read the OP's posts??? Have you read the whole thread?????", a particular favourite of mine would be the "Cancel the cheque" thread where hundreds posted "Have you cancelled the cheque?" without having read ANY updates or ANY other posts. So, I mentioned that I had read the whole thread in my message.

The "become bubbly and vivacious" suggestion was clearly a tongue in cheek moment or did the irony escape you on that one too?