To stop tight inlaws cooking sad Xmas dinner

[Kiwilime]

Inlaws are early 70s, they're pretty wealthy but so TIGHT. At Christmas their priority is booze. The last time we went to theirs for Christmas we stayed for a few days. MIL was banging on for weeks about all the prep she was doing and how she couldn't wait. Told us explicitly not to bring a thing (we did still bring a few bits including a tub of chocolates we never saw again). But they had barely any food in the house. Bottles and bottles of wine and sherry. But nothing to actually eat, and no Christmas treats, except for a bowl of about 4 humbugs (ironically) in the hallway. We basically ate bran flakes and cheese on toast for four days. Xmas Dinner was sparse (no vegetables because MIL doesn't like them) and all value freezer stuff. It was a bit sad tbh. If that's all you can afford then of course that's fine, but if you're rich and having guests over, I don't understand why you'd serve people that? I'm from a much poorer background and if we had guests we'd at least offer them chocolates/biscuits, and make an effort over Christmas dinner. They're also anal about heating and have a very strict schedule and only heat certain rooms - basically being both hungry and freezing cold is not my idea of a nice Christmas.

So I've offered to bring the turkey/meat and even offered to cook dinner this year, and do some veg, but MIL insists on cooking her usual stuff because that's what they've done for 40 odd years. I've offered to do a nice cheeseboard or a dessert, but even that's been declined.

I've had a shit year and don't want an unecessary Dickensian Christmas. AIBU to bring meat, veg etc for Xmas day and just start cooking?

That sounds rubbish OP! You say you feel obliged to go, as you haven't been for 5 years, but you shouldn't feel obliged to go when they are such mean hosts. Just stay home.

Can't you host instead?

If you get any pushback just be honest and say, "We don't really like to eat the same food as you. Obviously if you come to us we will make sure there is food that you will enjoy as well as the food we want to eat though."

So if going is the requirement, I'd be turning up with prepped / frozen veg, biscuits, a large cheeseboard, snacks, nice bread, whatever and just bloody presenting it as a done deal each time. Take over in the areas they are lacking and just serve it up. They don't have to eat it

Fuck it if they don't like it, you don't have to assimilate

Thatx sounds awful. Bollocking to that!!!

How far away do they live?

Well it might be too late to do anything about this year.

But I think now is the time to start alternating which family you visit plus having Christmas in your own home. Then it's only once every 3 years.

Take supplementary food. You could go out on long walks without them and have furtive picnics, or have midnight feasts - which might become good memories. They're plenty of booze, so you can always take the edge off it hat way

Don't try to force your way in to the catering when it's been declined by the hosts - whatever the motivation it would be horribly rude to impose yourself in someone else's kitchen against their wishes.

Make it a 6th year that you don't go 🤷‍♀️

Ideally, don't go but if you feel there is no choice then bring along a heated throw and a large stash of treat food and drinks. Don't offer to share more than necessary or you will find things mysteriously vanish and you are left with distinctly unfestive bran flakes yet again.

I'd deffo not be going
But if you feel you really must
Take a plug in heater
Take loads of snacks and hide them in your bag
But seriously don't go

Don't go.

You may want to keep the peace but they don't return the favour do they? Such poor hosting. Who wants to hungry and miserable at Christmas? It sounds joyless.

Can they not come to you? Show them how it's really done.

Great minds!

Tell them to come to yours , if they decline job done . If not just feign illness on the day you leave and stay home . No way would I go away for Christmas to be hungry and cold .

Bring lots of food and a wear a coat and hat indoors.

That sounds rubbish. Don't go! Enjoy a feast at home

Can't they come to you
Or
Turn up with all the things you believe are missing
Or
Make sure you have the number of good takeaway for supper.

There is no way that I would do that again.

I would just bring the food that you would like including the veg for Christmas Dinner. Or if you don't feel okay doing that then plan to have Christmas Dinner another day at home during the festive period.

You are going to HAVE to take the food you want to eat and explain you aren't happy when Hangry, just cook the food. You're married into the family, they'll get over it and the hungry people will thank you and your sprouts !!!

'So if going is the requirement, I'd be turning up with prepped / frozen veg, biscuits, a large cheeseboard, snacks, nice bread, whatever and just bloody presenting it as a done deal each time. Take over in the areas they are lacking and just serve it up. They don't have to eat it'

Yes to all of this. You've been 'politely offering' to bring stuff, and it's all been declined. So stop offering and just do it. Bring all the stuff you feel is missing, offer to share it of course, and then crack on. The alternative is suffering all over Christmas over politeness / martyrdom. It sounds really awful by the way, and I would be making this the last year I put up with their miserable ways

They can't really come to us this year because we're currently in a tiny temporary rental while we sort out trying to buy a house. They wouldn't come anyway because they prefer being in their own home for Christmas. They're quite old before their time.

Take food/treats that can be kept in your room.bring them out when you want them. Don't hand anything over to be put in a cupboard and never seen again. But the best option is stay home & ask them to yours and uggest they can bring the booze.

To keep whose peace?

Theirs? Why?

The only peace you should be keeping is yourself!!!!!

Do not go!

Totally take food and is there an opportunity to sneak out for one meal? Even a drive through somewhere.
after enduring one particularly horrendous Xmas meal at in-laws, DH and I came home and cooked a massive Christmas dinner for ourselves on the 29th. It was amazing. We didn’t have Xmas dinner there again.

Tell them you prefer to be in your own home. Two can play at that game.

Again, how far away are they?

Yeah I think I'd just turn up with lots of stuff in a cool bag in the boot of the car - and just keep getting more stuff out as and when you feel like it - and actually open it up and plonk it on the table for everybody to dig in, rather than hand it over to old miserable guts never to be seen again.

Cheeseboard of the type you only have to unwrap and serve - maybe even bring your own cheese knife that you don't mind going missing
with a box of crackers and a jar of chutney that you can open and serve as is - heck, with paper plates if you want - remove any and all barriers they can put in your way of actually serving and eating it there and then. Present fait acompli, every time.

Plus hidden snacks for your room. I'd make a game of it to be honest.