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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop tight inlaws cooking sad Xmas dinner

630 replies

Kiwilime · 02/12/2023 22:22

Inlaws are early 70s, they're pretty wealthy but so TIGHT. At Christmas their priority is booze. The last time we went to theirs for Christmas we stayed for a few days. MIL was banging on for weeks about all the prep she was doing and how she couldn't wait. Told us explicitly not to bring a thing (we did still bring a few bits including a tub of chocolates we never saw again). But they had barely any food in the house. Bottles and bottles of wine and sherry. But nothing to actually eat, and no Christmas treats, except for a bowl of about 4 humbugs (ironically) in the hallway. We basically ate bran flakes and cheese on toast for four days. Xmas Dinner was sparse (no vegetables because MIL doesn't like them) and all value freezer stuff. It was a bit sad tbh. If that's all you can afford then of course that's fine, but if you're rich and having guests over, I don't understand why you'd serve people that? I'm from a much poorer background and if we had guests we'd at least offer them chocolates/biscuits, and make an effort over Christmas dinner. They're also anal about heating and have a very strict schedule and only heat certain rooms - basically being both hungry and freezing cold is not my idea of a nice Christmas.

So I've offered to bring the turkey/meat and even offered to cook dinner this year, and do some veg, but MIL insists on cooking her usual stuff because that's what they've done for 40 odd years. I've offered to do a nice cheeseboard or a dessert, but even that's been declined.

I've had a shit year and don't want an unecessary Dickensian Christmas. AIBU to bring meat, veg etc for Xmas day and just start cooking?

OP posts:
Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 02/12/2023 22:23

Don't go!!

thedukeofbuckinghamshire · 02/12/2023 22:24

Just don't go!

Raindancer411 · 02/12/2023 22:24

Stay home?

OhwhyOY · 02/12/2023 22:24

I agree don't go. Or if you do bring the stuff you want and just say Christmas is about giving and sharing and that's what we wanted to do.

flexigirl · 02/12/2023 22:25

I think I would stay at home tbh op ! Make your own and have the in laws over to you instead . You never know when any Christmas will be your last and I wouldn't want to waste it eating shite food

Mojolostforever · 02/12/2023 22:25

I would have a very bad cold on Christmas day.

MargotBamborough · 02/12/2023 22:25

Another vote for don't go.

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 02/12/2023 22:25

If I really had to go, I'd be taking a spare bag of snacks I wanted to eat and keeping them in my room. Thats sounds absolutely miserable to me

SausageAndEggSandwich · 02/12/2023 22:25

I wouldn't go and your DH should be enough of a grown up to explain why.

They are rude, bad hosts and Christmas should be fun, not an exercise in endurance.

user1471556818 · 02/12/2023 22:26

Thanks for the lovely invite but doing our own thing this Yr is the correct response

Kiwilime · 02/12/2023 22:26

I've avoided going for about 5 years now (thank you Covid) but I sort of need to go to keep the peace!

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 02/12/2023 22:26

Invite them to yours and show them how to host Christmas properly

jesterdourt · 02/12/2023 22:26

Don’t go, it sounds miserable

Letsgocamping67 · 02/12/2023 22:26

Why the hell would you go. Nothing on earth would make me endure that. Nope there is no reason to, they obviously think it’s normal

Cherrysoup · 02/12/2023 22:26

Why have you agreed to go? Sounds totally miserable. Would they not come to you? If you have dc, that’s the perfect excuse, particularly if you went to them last year.

Caroparo52 · 02/12/2023 22:26

Yes I would.
Have your suitcase packed with goodies which your periodically bring out and open yourself so they can't be stashed away.
Munch on ......

3smallpups · 02/12/2023 22:26

Quick bout of covid should do the trick Grin

BornIn78 · 02/12/2023 22:27

Does your DH actually want to go?

I honestly don’t know why anyone would subject themselves to this more than once. Don’t go. It’s really that simple.

Haydenn · 02/12/2023 22:27

Some people get rich by earning it; some get rich by not spending it.

id just invite them to yours and have a nice Christmas at home.

Uurrjb · 02/12/2023 22:27

Do not go!

Sapphire387 · 02/12/2023 22:27

What does your husband think?

jesterdourt · 02/12/2023 22:29

I've avoided going for about 5 years now (thank you Covid) but I sort of need to go to keep the peace!

Go after dinner at yours or say you will come Boxing day.
I would be honest and say I’d rather stay at home & have a proper meal. They may be offended but when they retell the story to others their audience will be like “wtf, I’m with Kiwi”.

Littlestlargest · 02/12/2023 22:29

No way would I willingly go hungry on Christmas day! Can't stand stingy and selfish hosts.

Either go and bring your own food and snacks for sharing, or you stay at home and actually enjoy yourself.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/12/2023 22:29

‘Thanks so much, dear MiL, but we’ve decided to stay at home this year. You’re very welcome to join us.’

crispcreambun · 02/12/2023 22:29

Why is everyone on mumsnet so fucking wet? Just don't go. If they make a fuss, tell them why.

You don't win any points constantly martyring yourself for people who don't care if you're happy.