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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours banging wall at night

267 replies

beebumble552 · 02/12/2023 09:14

Just looking for opinions on this, I don’t think we are in the wrong but I’m struggling to understand why neighbours are acting this way.

My 16 month old is going through a bad sleep regression and teething. It means 2am and we are awake with lots of tears. I go straight in and try to calm things down but it can take a while at the minute so it might go on for about 30 minutes and worst case scenario an hour on and off.

im trying everything I can to settle them but now my neighbours have started banging the wall, I presume to let us know they have been woken. Which I understand is frustrating but I’m not sure what they are wanting to achieve.

are they just horrible people, should I say something? They haven’t liked us since we moved in due to Diy during the day in the first month we moved however not during unsociable hours.

aibu to be annoyed or are they?

OP posts:
lanthanum · 02/12/2023 14:05

Is it the parents banging on the wall, or the teenage children? If the latter, then a word with the parents may be all that's needed.

cornflower21 · 02/12/2023 14:08

Murpe · 02/12/2023 13:57

There is a way to help alleviate the neighbours' sleep deprivation, and that is to go downstairs. It won't be forever, I did this all the time when DS was a baby. It's not ideal, but why not reduce the amount of people losing sleep where possible. Keeping good relations with neighbours is a worthwhile investment, and you might find it hard to object noise they make in future.

Absolutely this.

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 14:13

Mercurial123 · 02/12/2023 09:40

Why are they horrible people because their sleep is disturbed? It's annoying.

They're not horrible people because their sleep is disturbed, they're horrible people to be banging at the wall at a crying baby.

They should live away from normal life.

OP, just ignore them.

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 14:14

NoTouch · 02/12/2023 10:12

They do have older teen children so I’m sure they went through this in the past themselves

That doesn't mean they need to endure listening to someone else's crying toddler every night for an hour at 2am. Wrap your dc in a blanket and take them to another room that isnt directly next to ndn bedroom to settle. We used to take ds into our bed as he would settle quickly there.

It's not every night and it's not always an hour?

Did you post on the wrong thread?

LaurieStrode · 02/12/2023 14:19

@Makkacakka

Her noise can be helped, by removing the child and taking it downstairs. She just doesn't want to.

If she can't be bothered, why should they curb their noise?

In their shoes I'd consider banging pots and pans or having loud shouting matches until the crying is properly controlled.

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 14:19

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 02/12/2023 11:24

But her neighbours are not showing any empathy for her so why should she show any for them?

Because she's the problem.

You need to move YOUR child away from the adjoining walls op. This is your problem to solve, and minimise the disturbance to your neighbours. Waking them every night because you chose to have children is not acceptable and they don't have to suck it up.

If you came with that attitude to me, I'd be ordering jamo speakers and tapes of crying babies and waking your household at 5am every morning your child slept through.

Oh you sound lovely!

Makkacakka · 02/12/2023 14:25

LaurieStrode · 02/12/2023 14:19

@Makkacakka

Her noise can be helped, by removing the child and taking it downstairs. She just doesn't want to.

If she can't be bothered, why should they curb their noise?

In their shoes I'd consider banging pots and pans or having loud shouting matches until the crying is properly controlled.

I suppose, as a mother of a toddler, I know that taking them downstairs would not help the child to understand that it's time for sleep. My child certainly would wake up and think it's playtime! It might take the noise away, but will just lengthen the time this will get sorted in the longterm.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 02/12/2023 14:27

Mercurial123 · 02/12/2023 09:40

Why are they horrible people because their sleep is disturbed? It's annoying.

Who has said that they're horrible people because their sleep is being disturbed? People have said that they're horrible people banging and banging on the wall at a baby crying. A baby.

Makkacakka · 02/12/2023 14:27

Mercurial123 · 02/12/2023 13:54

Thanks, I understood the post, but thanks for your input. Banging on the wall doesn't make someone horrible it means they are annoyed and sleep deprived. Is that better?

Show quote history

No.

Duckeggbluebutton · 02/12/2023 14:31

Gerwurtztraminer · 02/12/2023 10:06

No banging on the wall doesn't help the situation but surely you can see it from their point of view?

Being woken nearly at 2am nearly every night for weeks by a crying baby that isn't theirs. Not being able to go back to sleep while the noise goes on, lying there not knowing how long the crying will last, awake and stressing about not sleeping, worrying about facing another day at work tired and grumpy. You chose the baby, they didn't. You don't know what's going on in their lives right now that makes your baby screaming them awake at 2am is the last straw. I cried a few times from sheer exhaustion & frustration due to next door's screaming kids.- it's been absolute hell in the past especially the 5 years when there were kids aged 3months - 10yr in a 2 bedroom flat with no regular bedtime and lots of night time wakings.

Objectively they know banging on the wall won't change anything but they must be at end of their tether. I dread the day another neighbour with young kids moves in next door/above me Current ones are child free/have one older child and I hope they never leave.

This.

Tiiredofthiss · 02/12/2023 14:32

Take baby into another room until they settle. I would also have a polite word with the neighbours, apologise to them and explain that you're doing your best and baby isn't being left to cry.
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason - your neighbours are probably not thinking straight when banging on the wall because your toddler is disturbing their sleep.

TheThingIsYeah · 02/12/2023 14:34

Just ignore it OP.

We had a neighbour who used to bang on the walls all the time when the kids were babies. But she seemed quite happy to let her yappy little shit of a dog bark all day or play her Best of Pan Pipes CDs at full volume.

Ultimately if folk are going to be that sniffy about noise they need move to a detached house.

minipie · 02/12/2023 14:36

If I were the OP I would be giving the baby medicine (nurofen works by far the best for teeth IME) then taking them downstairs while the medicine kicks in - probably 15-20 minutes. No fun playtime downstairs just cuddles in a blanket/their duvet - same as what they would be doing upstairs I imagine.

Yes there is a small risk that this prolongs the waking period but this is not certain. It will definitely help the neighbours though.

OP you are giving medication aren’t you?

Makkacakka · 02/12/2023 14:36

If the noise is that frustrating for them... ear plugs. They do work!

Mercurial123 · 02/12/2023 14:38

Makkacakka · 02/12/2023 14:27

No.

Show quote history

Shame

Mrsm010918 · 02/12/2023 14:52

I swear half of the replies haven't actually read the OP or updates.

So baby usually sleeps through the night but is currently teething and struggling with sleep. Since it sounds like this isn't a prolonged thing it's hardly like the neighbours will have had months of end of being woken.

And I'm wondering where all these magical babies that instantly soothe can be found. The OP says she tries to settle the baby when she goes in straight away, understandably it doesn't always work.

I don't agree with taking baby downstairs for the same reasons OP hasn't. It's confusing for the child and they will want to play and then get further frustrated if they are not allowed. Speaking from experience of falling into that trap with my first baby when trying to make sure exh sleep wasnt disturbed and having a year of sleepless nights. Needless to say my mental health was in the pan by the end of it.

I'd ignore the neighbours, it's probably the older child banging, but if it isn't then it's a cowardly attempt at intimidation since they haven't actually said anything to you.

Chipsahoyagain · 02/12/2023 14:55

I say this as someone who's has a 1yo and teething badly. - this is my problem and nobody else's. I too would be highly pissed off at being woken through the night. I think you need to move your baby to another room, it's inconvenient but that's for you to manage.

Herecomestreble1 · 02/12/2023 15:03

Bang back and tell them to fuck off. They can complain until the cows come home about how sleep deprived they are, but I'm sure you're getting much less sleep than they are. It's so unkind of them.

waytooearlyforthis · 02/12/2023 15:04

Herecomestreble1 · 02/12/2023 15:03

Bang back and tell them to fuck off. They can complain until the cows come home about how sleep deprived they are, but I'm sure you're getting much less sleep than they are. It's so unkind of them.

You have literally no idea what their circumstances are, you expect empathy from them but demonstrate absolutely none yourself.

WoollyRosebud · 02/12/2023 15:15

FrenchandSaunders · 02/12/2023 10:14

This is just one of the downsides of being attached to someone else. You aren’t hosting late parties or playing loud music. It’s a baby and it can’t be helped. They need to wear ear plugs or move rooms themselves.

I wouldn’t dream of banging on someone’s wall like that …. absolute arseholes.

Why on earth should they move bedrooms? Your baby your responsibility.

re banging back when they knock on the wall Don’t do that. My NDN tried that trick. It didn’t end well for them

SgtBilko · 02/12/2023 15:17

Of course it can’t be helped but it must be really annoying for the neighbour. I would take round a box of chocolates or some wine and say you are aware the baby is waking them at night but they are teething and it will be over soon. Being very nice to people when you’ve disturbed them and they are angry takes the wind out of their sails. You’ve acknowledged the problem, they get a chance to tell you face to face how they feel and hopefully things become bit easier between you both. Nobody wants to be on bad terms with their neighbours surely.

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 15:23

re banging back when they knock on the wall Don’t do that. My NDN tried that trick. It didn’t end well for them

Aggressive much?

NoTouch · 02/12/2023 15:24

Behindyouiam · 02/12/2023 14:14

It's not every night and it's not always an hour?

Did you post on the wrong thread?

Show quote history

Do you think that last sentence made you look clever?

It didn't.

fluffiphlox · 02/12/2023 15:29

There’s a few on here that I wouldn’t put in charge of the Middle East peace process.

gotomomo · 02/12/2023 15:32

A child starting to cry at 2am is fair enough, 30 minutes of crying just is unfair on them. I have a toddler next door and they never leave her to cry for 30 minutes. Mine coslept so we didn't have tears at night