My (so called) friend is telling outrageous lies about me!

[wtafluv]

Absolutely horrified! Just found out that someone considered a real longtime friend, has been texting people to ask if they've heard the rumour that I'm sleeping with a colleague (high profile as he's the CEO of a very well known company).

A close friend today showed me the messages. Couldn't believe it.

This is absolutely fiction. I barely know this man.

What on earth do I do how? I'm horrid and shocked.

This woman had text me today about a play date with our doggies!

I would ask her why she thinks it's OK to spread untruths about you ? See her response Don't send the screenshot unless she denies it

For goodness sake, get a backbone!

What do you really think she will do? Attack you in the dead of night with a pea shooter? Leave a rabbit cooking on your stove?

Just ask her what she is on about!

As far as I can recall she's never even met him, she just knows of him via myself and the other guy!

Who cares what she might come up with next? Or what other people might believe?

Why do people attach such credence to idle, tedious gossip?

Ah hang on a minute, the other person is male?

Is it possible she's after him and wants to make sure you're out of the picture, by making you look a) bad and b) taken?

Is it possible that someone who doesn't like you has infiltrated her email/messages? A longshot, but not impossible.

Yep.

So male friend (J) and I work together.

Female (rumour spreading) friend (P) met him at my last birthday drinks and exchanged numbers as they have a common sport they both play

CEO is mine and J's boss. He and J work very very closely together and have done for 15 years.

P has either never met CEO or met him once very briefly. I can't remember which.

P does not know anyone else in the company or have any association with them.

P messaged J and said "did you hear CEO and wtafluv slept together after the last offsite?"

There is absolutely no where she'd have heard this, nor any basis for that rumour.

The whole thing still makes no sense to me.

But is it like her to behave like this normally (to other people maybe)?

OP, it won’t make sense until you ask her, face to face.
Why are you so scared of simply doing that.
Doesn’t need to be nasty … just ask her why she sent that text to your colleague. And why she thinks you can remain friends after having done so.
Make her send a follow up text retracting it and apologising.
Then keep your distance from her.

It’s the right thing to do …unless you don’t really care about it.

Maybe she fancied your male friend and wanted to start a conversation with him and that was the best idea she could come up with 😂 Or if she thought he fancied you, to put the idea in his head (that you liked the CEO) so he can turn his attention to her… I would definitely just ask her face to face. It doesn’t have to be confrontational.

Not to my knowledge but she's definitely not always the kindest and can be erratic, so it's not a huge surprise.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend
Would it be a great loss if you told her you'd rather not meet up again after the message she sent J?

Why on earth are you friends with this person???

It does sound more contained and specifically aimed at trying to divide and conquer you and your colleague (rather than general gossip). I wonder how your colleague has responded to her (if at all)? If I was “J” and in receipt of that text I’d see that as a red flag and keep my distance from the woman. I’d also be saying that it’s not an appropriate text to send me.

I still think you need to mark her card, politely but firmly. It won’t do her any harm to know that your colleague has informed you as it demonstrates he doesn’t take it seriously. She’s made a bit of a fool of herself really - and she needs to know that.

Sounds like she hasn’t caused any damage and can’t do much more so I’d drop the friendship. If she asks tell her why but you owe her nothing.

A lot of these rumours and lies are usually started by people as a deflection to hide what they are up to thereby taking the focus away from them . Take a good look at your so called friend/ What's she up to ?

She clearly fancies J, and wants to bod with him via secret sharing and smear campaigning against her rival.

And THAT is why you need to be proactive about tackling this, OP.

The longer you let this slide, the more it looks like you want it covered up and that screams complicity. She's bound to say you implied it so your only way to stop it is to go at her hard.

Did you confront her and ask why she did it?

I need to know what happened!

@wtafluv ??

That seems the smart thing to do.

Don’t know about the UK, but in US what she is doing is libel (if I remember correctly). Just writing “I heard blah, blah, blah” (derogatory statements) about another person who is not a celebrity or a well known person, can open the writer to a lawsuit. Studied as a paralegal and this was a big part of a semester - difference between libel and slander. If you are a celebrity, you would have to prove malice or that they knew what they were writing was false and did it anyway. Being an ordinary member of society, you don’t have to prove they knew it was false.

You are jumping about too far.
Please please speak to her.
You do not know where she is coming from.
For example in my last work place, there was one boss who was known to sleep with certain women(basically anyone who was pretty, with huge lips) and he did.
What then started happening was that each time a new pretty girl started, the rumours would start.
Why did they start?
He on purpose would set one on one meeting after work and weekend projects with these ladies. Praise them to the rest of the company about how hard working they were.
Create moments of having to go into their personal space. Then give promotions to 30 year olds for leading 60 year olds (btw such roles require at least 20 years experience).
These ladies were new and thought they were ace at their jobs.
Everyone knew what was happening but the girl.
Some lapped up the attention and attended more meetings to a point they would only come in after 5pm to their work until 10pm on days he was in.
Others, very rare though, would leave and not bother.
But most stayed. Flirted to get position and pay packages by wearing the extra lipstick and the tighter top and the shorter skirt.
It got to a point were honestly most of the staff were dressed in mini tight dresses with full makeup for non customer based roles.

So maybe your friend has seen this.
Just ask her.