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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My (so called) friend is telling outrageous lies about me!

223 replies

wtafluv · 02/12/2023 08:27

Absolutely horrified! Just found out that someone considered a real longtime friend, has been texting people to ask if they've heard the rumour that I'm sleeping with a colleague (high profile as he's the CEO of a very well known company).

A close friend today showed me the messages. Couldn't believe it.

This is absolutely fiction. I barely know this man.

What on earth do I do how? I'm horrid and shocked.

This woman had text me today about a play date with our doggies!

OP posts:
AyrshireTryer · 03/12/2023 20:59

Do the forest thing, but have a spade across the back seat and maybe some duct tape and bin liners.

momonpurpose · 03/12/2023 21:02

brokenbics · 03/12/2023 20:33

Please do this!!

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Yes! This is perfect

Oriunda · 03/12/2023 21:05

I second telling the CEO. Is the company listed? Rumours of this nature can sometimes have an impact on share price and public perception. I’d be concerned she was out to cause reputational damage not just to you, but him and the company.

YouOKHun · 03/12/2023 21:39

wtafluv · 02/12/2023 13:51

This is exactly what I think happened.

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It’s also a way of starting a rumour while displaying faux shock and concern and implying you’re not the source of it.

An innocent party to that kind of information who is also a genuine friend would be going straight to OP to let her know a rumour was circulating, without repeating it elsewhere.

Whether she is the source or the person publicising it she isn’t genuine and needs tackling directly face to face.

Lazydomestic · 03/12/2023 21:47

I had a similar issue a few years back. I picked up the phone & calmly asked her side of it - she went bat shit crazy, it was a lie & threatening to beat up person who told me. I rang her husband & said any more threats & the police would be turning up to her work as I couldn’t remember her home address.
I soooo wanted to fight back but knew it just gave her more to talk about so blocked and said nothing. She was far too grateful for any attention for me to let her have it.
Anytime it came up again just rolled my eyes & said she was bat shit crazy, usually got a laugh and a nod of agreement.

Guaranteed she will have form for being a nasty gossip & most people will just write it off for what it is - complete b#llsh1t.
Karma is the biggest bitch - she’ll get hers in the end

Charmatt · 03/12/2023 22:42

It's an offence under the Malicious Communications Act (1988)

2021x · 03/12/2023 22:52

Ask her face-to-face or by phone, then dump her.

You can't trust her so whats the point.

monsteramunch · 03/12/2023 23:35

Charmatt · 03/12/2023 22:42

It's an offence under the Malicious Communications Act (1988)

I don't think that asking if someone has heard a rumour would be covered under that legislation. If someone was stating as fact that X was sleeping with Y then I guess there could be an argument for it, but asking if the recipient has heard the rumour is very different.

OP's mate sounds like an absolute arsehole and I wouldn't see her again, but I don't think it meets the threshold legally of that offence.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 04/12/2023 00:07

Charmatt · 03/12/2023 22:42

It's an offence under the Malicious Communications Act (1988)

Almost certainly not. Any case law to prove me wrong?

ClairDeLaLune · 04/12/2023 00:12

What happened @wtafluv did you go on the walk?

FictionalCharacter · 04/12/2023 00:34

YouOKHun · 03/12/2023 21:39

It’s also a way of starting a rumour while displaying faux shock and concern and implying you’re not the source of it.

An innocent party to that kind of information who is also a genuine friend would be going straight to OP to let her know a rumour was circulating, without repeating it elsewhere.

Whether she is the source or the person publicising it she isn’t genuine and needs tackling directly face to face.

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Exactly. And there are plenty of people who will say there’s no smoke without fire. This could cause real trouble for OP and this man.
What a horrible thing to do. She’s no friend. Imagine if this man’s wife got to hear about this gossip.

Original poster
wtafluv · 04/12/2023 01:37

I did not! I haven’t approached her about it yet. I’m reluctant to do so because it’s such insane behaviour that now I feel like I can’t predict how she’ll react.

OP posts:
Original poster
wtafluv · 04/12/2023 01:43

The thing that makes no sense about this is that she only knows two people I work with (the CEO and the friend she sent the text to) and has no other connection with it whatsoever. It seems like nothing but shit stirring viciousness.

OP posts:
Original poster
wtafluv · 04/12/2023 02:03

Hmm1234 · 03/12/2023 17:47

She’s not actually spreading the rumour she’s heard elsewhere and obviously doesn’t want to ask you directly. How about asking her who started the rumour?

It would only have come from her. She doesn't know anyone else that we all know. There's no one that would've started this rumour, it's so so random.

OP posts:
Zonder · 04/12/2023 06:38

Just ask her what's going on. And tell the CEO she knows it's not you spreading rumours.

BusyMum47 · 04/12/2023 06:42

@wtafluv I would DEFINITELY call her out on it! Ask your other friend to share the nessage with you, screenshot it & tackle this weirdo ASAP! I'd just be blunt - show/send her the message & ask WTF?!

LAMPS1 · 04/12/2023 07:55

When you say she’s texting people to ask if they’ve heard ……., how many people do you mean exactly that you know for sure about that she’s sent the text to ?

Obviously you know there are no grounds for such a rumour about you with him but could it be possible there are rumours about him already out there ?

Meet her face to face today and ask her about this very serious suggestion/allegation she has made. Let her know how far and how seriously the CEO will take it. It’s the only way to get the info you need to put this all straight with all the people she has texted. Ask her for their contact details even if you don’t know these people and even if she says she will text them again to put them straight. Don’t trust her to do that.
Get right to the source of the rumour. And then act appropriately, only when you know the full facts from her of what she has done.

Ollifer · 04/12/2023 08:02

I dunno how you could stop yourself from just confronting! I'd be calling her up straight away or going round and knocking the door to ask what the hell she's playing at! Definitely don't just leave It op!!

Original poster
wtafluv · 04/12/2023 08:06

LAMPS1 · 04/12/2023 07:55

When you say she’s texting people to ask if they’ve heard ……., how many people do you mean exactly that you know for sure about that she’s sent the text to ?

Obviously you know there are no grounds for such a rumour about you with him but could it be possible there are rumours about him already out there ?

Meet her face to face today and ask her about this very serious suggestion/allegation she has made. Let her know how far and how seriously the CEO will take it. It’s the only way to get the info you need to put this all straight with all the people she has texted. Ask her for their contact details even if you don’t know these people and even if she says she will text them again to put them straight. Don’t trust her to do that.
Get right to the source of the rumour. And then act appropriately, only when you know the full facts from her of what she has done.

As far as I know, she's only messaged one person about it, as she only knows one person who works with he (CEO) and I.

OP posts:
Original poster
wtafluv · 04/12/2023 08:18

Ollifer · 04/12/2023 08:02

I dunno how you could stop yourself from just confronting! I'd be calling her up straight away or going round and knocking the door to ask what the hell she's playing at! Definitely don't just leave It op!!

Honestly because it's so random and unexpected that now I worry she's unpredictable or nuts.

OP posts:
LAMPS1 · 04/12/2023 08:43

If it’s only one person (as far as you know) it’s far easier to control.

You really have no option but to confront her with what you know and to put her on the spot. . You can’t let this go unchecked.
Stand up for yourself …you have every right to know where this madness has come from. You can’t keep wondering and going over it without knowing.
And you need to put a stop to it before it goes any further. You have a right to know and also a duty to tell her, in no uncertain terms, to retract this untruth before it spreads. And then to ensure she has done so.
Now that you know about it, it’s not fair on him to do nothing about it.
It has the potential to be very damaging to you both if you leave it unchecked.

Picturequestion · 04/12/2023 08:53

wtafluv · 04/12/2023 08:18

Honestly because it's so random and unexpected that now I worry she's unpredictable or nuts.

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I have changed my mind.

Of you are sure it’s gone no further than her and your friend then tell the CEO so that the three of you that work together are clear and just ignore her. Just be too busy to meet.

If the rumour can’t have come from elsewhere and she has made that up then it’s deliberate and hideous. Bad enough if she had heard the room out from elsewhere but to have made it up then she is not someone you want in your life!

If there is any chance the rumour has come from elsewhere it might be worth keeping her inside to try and find out a bit more.

CloverHilla · 04/12/2023 09:10

What I don't understand is why you think anyone would believe her? She texted one person, they say no... rumour shut down.

astarsheis · 04/12/2023 09:17

I think you do need to call her out on it because of what she might come up with next.
At the end of the day it is defamation of character.

BlueGrey1 · 04/12/2023 09:36

Does she know the CEO well?
could there have been a situation where he was singing your praises to her and speaking well of you and she jumped to conclusion and thought he fancied you / were sleeping with you?

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