To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

The issue schools have is whatever date/time they pick will not suit someone, regardless of the notice they give. Schools don’t do productions on evenings/weekends as teachers and other staff aren’t contracted to work weekends (it also costs extra to heat/power the school) . Our school does the fair during the week (running on from the school day) because working parents can’t volunteer their time, so things have to happen during the school day. The PTA should get advance notice of key productions (nativity, christmas carol performance etc), or reach out to the school in early November - if that’s how your booking annual leave works?

You’re right to feel personally disappointed because of your situation - it drives me mad too as it’s the same for me albeit I do have more flexibility than you by the sounds of it.

But you’re also being massively unreasonable! you’re suggesting they ought to give you 6 weeks advance notice of your child getting an award - totally takes the entire point FOR YOUR CHILD of celebrating The Moment.

its also insane to suggest they happen ‘out of hours’… when is that exactly? Out of YOUR hours and therefore In the Work hours of someone else?

The events need to be in school time for all
the reasons given before, but YWNBU to feedback to your school the need for a calendar with event dates given far in advance. This is standard practice in many schools, and it’s helpful for staff planning too.

I agree with you about the notice.

I also think there should be 2 dates ideally to give parents an option and it also means lots of children wont have a parent in any given performance.

I dont agree about evenings. Lots of parents dont bring their child back, some people work evenings (i do), others have babies to put to bed. Some primary children have early bedtiimes themselves so they are over tired and useless..

Basically there isnt a time that works for everyone so they might as well pick one that works for the teachers and when the children legally are supposed to be there.

The heat gets turned off at 3. The staff are freezing by 5. There's no way it would be an adequate temperature for an evening show and we can't afford to put it back on. We can't afford to pay the caretaker extra to lock up later. Many parents wouldn't bring their children back for many reasons for an evening show.

Can see both sides tbh.

It's unfair for teachers to have to work so late to accommodate an evening performance. (And their child care probably closed by 6)

If they give a list of dates in advance that works better so many people can get leave with notice.

When you're a teacher yourself you miss most things like this. My last school adopted as sensible approach and you would be allowed to go if you could get a colleague to cover you.

It's tricky.

I'm a teacher. Schools often don't schedule events in the evening simply because parents don't or can't bring the pupils back in the evening for performances.

For certificates in assembly, they are often decided at the end of the week based on the children's effort and behaviour that week. It's annoying for working parents (like me too) but it's not a conspiracy.

When pupils in my class realise that their parents can't make it to events, I always remind them that its because their parents are working hard for their families.

I did not see a single school performance, sports day or awards day in the entire time both of my children were in school.

I was a teacher and there was zero chance of being allowed to have time out for our own children. My school, on the other hand expected all such events to be held in the evenings so I worked many days beyond 8PM after a 7AM start.

Lost out both ways.

When I was in primary school "40 YEARS AGO" there was only one production each year and it was a whole school thing. Nothing like the multiple performances for each celebration and for each school year/class/activity group you get now.

Mine tends to give 2 or 3 weeks notice, which isn't enough for me to book holiday either. My kids know I can't come to everything because of it, which is fine, it is what it is. But my issue is the way they build it up so my youngest gets so disappointed when I can't come. They could be told in class parents are invited but of course not everyone can come, but instead it's a 'your mummies and daddies are all so excited to come and see' built up every time they practice whatever it is, or lovely hand written invitations that are so sad to have to turn down

The lack of notice would really annoy me too.

When you can't just WFH or take leave at the drop of a hat, you need schools to give you enough notice to make arrangements. At my work, that's 6 weeks in advance to stand a good chance of getting your leave approved. Anything less than that and it's unlikely to get approved because rotas will already be finalised.

Realistically, schools can't put on every event out of school hours, but a couple per year seems reasonable, and with enough notice for parents to arrange to come if they want.

@Stormy900

Most schools give long notice of dates as its set at start of year and run an early evening show too. Teachers don't get to see their children's events either. You can ask for half days compassionate family leave ffs.

Teachers already work lots of unpaid overtime. They have kids too, who they need to parent. They also miss school events, and can't even book leave to attend, if they do have datws in advance. Kids are tired after school, and many wouldn't be brought back to perform,for lots of reasons. It's totally reasonable for school events to be in school time. If people want to have children, but be guaranteed to be able to attend everything, they need to plan their own lives/jobs to enable this. I'm a 9 to 5 nurse, so can't even request a 1/2 day, or late shift - but I chose to have a child and I chose my job. I agree more notice would be great though.

The short notice is not on. But a school day is long enough without doing performances outside of school hours.

It's a sign of the times, and sad, that so many parents choose/have to work so that they can't attend these things. Not so long ago there would often be a parent at home (usually mum).

When I was a SAHM I would say the majority of mums were as well.

I think that’s your school. My kids school has dates for major things - like Christmas or class performances, sports etc at the start of the year - so there are often months to sort time off work. Smaller things such as seeing kids’works has shorter notice but I get there for the big things ( I accept I can’t do everything if I’m also to work to put roof over our heads!) I’m so sorry you and your child have experienced this. If you approach the school about this, can they help, so you have adequate notice to book leave for some school events?
sending you a hug xxx

They might understand that mummy and daddy work, but at primary school age they can't reconcile that with wanting to see them in the audience or the fact they NEVER see them "like everyone else in their class"

Obviously depends on the school I think. Mine used to do nativities and other celebrations during the evening, as well as daytime. And usually gave plenty of notice. Maybe feedback to the head teacher? Change might come on the back of it, especially if it’s been mentioned by other working parents.

My kids school once told me i would have to find someone else to collect my child from school within 20 mins (my work is 1 hour away, typical around london). I couldn't!! Mine & DH parents live over 2 hours away, my siblings and friends all work and not locally. I'm not sure who they thought I'd be able to call on. You can't ask a working friend to take annual leave to collect your child simply because their workplace is nearer the school than yours!

It's rubbish and it must be upsetting missing out on your childrens events, you can't get these moments back.

Is it perhaps worth emailing the head (not a complaint, just to discuss) and pointing out how disappointing it is for many working families that they have to miss out on these things. I mean obviously there are things like end of week presentations which do generally have to happen during school hours, but Christmas plays, performances etc surely these can be held outwith school hours. And other events, if the dates were given out at the start of the school year then you could plan accordingly.

I do hope that all parents with children in schools that do put on events in the evening remember to thank the teachers and other school staff for putting in countless hours of unpaid overtime.

It would make a pleasant change from all of the RAGE and criticism that teachers get on MN and in real life.

You can't be the only one struggling with the lack of notice. I would definitely ask the school to give more notice - they MUST know the dates.

I didn't know after school performances were less common now. My youngest left primary 4 years ago.
As well as being easier for many parents/grandparents both children have fond memories of those out of the ordinary days - the sense of it being a big event.

I'm 53 and I have very strong and good memories of all the evening performances we did at school.

But they can’t do it evening when parents finish work and then get to the school, as you’ll have four year olds performing at gone 6pm, they’ll be exhausted! I would never go back to the school at night for performances, what a faff! As a nurse presumably you don’t work 9-5 anyway? But yes, they need to give you more notice, we got our tickets and notice about the nativity in October. In future I would email the school and explain your situation and ask for the provisional dates for all the key events like sports day, harvest festival, Carol concerts etc.

It’s really hard. Most of the teachers don’t get a say. Remember none of them can see their own kids either - no annual leave allowed in term time.

You need to take this to the school, it's not remotely ok. I don't think this is across the board, all my son's schools plan so far in advance I forget stuff so this is down to your particular school & it's not on. I'll be surprised if you're the only parent in this situation.

Take it to the head as an official complaint - all in writing! They then have a set period in which to respond. Then it's the governors if that's not satisfactory.

For your daughter to be so upset you must have a good relationship & be an otherwise very present mum which is why she feels it so hard. If you weren't, there would be no reaction at all. So a sad silver lining, if you will. You sound lovely & this is clearly heartbreaking for both of you, understandably so.

(edit - all 3 schools did/do all plays after school hours - afaik that's normal. Nativity on the last day of term an hour earlier than finish but tonnes of warning.)

I remember attending a play for my child as fortunately I was on maternity leave at the time. At the end, the headteacher said to the children, You can go and see your parents now and to those who haven’t got a parent here, don’t worry as we are all a family in this school…

Nearly all the children ran off to their parents in the audience and the three little children left without a parent burst into tears!