To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

Schools can't win. They will never lease everyone.

Several parents asked f the schol could record a recent play... no because of data protection. The requests were for a relative in End of Life care for cancer and a Father abroad with the Army. But still no. There is a recording but it can't be shown to parents.

They should give as much notice as possible though.

I work in a school and we give all the dates at the start of the year so 2 weeks notice is not enough.

But from the other side, we do 2 performances for Christmas plays. One in the afternoon and one at 6pm. We have so many parents saying they are not bringing their children back for the evening performance which then ruins it for everyone else. We do one at that time for those parents who are working but seems we can't win with that either!

YANBU. Have you say our primary school are pretty good - and the parents recognise it so there's a very good community around the school, I've been really impressed.

Our nursery school on the other hand... It was over one of the covid years and as things eased parents were invited into the classroom every Wednesday at pickup. They made such a big deal of it with the kids as well. Fortunately our work is flexible so we were both able to make the occasional one, but we'd get a patronising heat tilt "so good to see you here" from the principal. She was surprised I was walking DD from school to day care rather than going home! As if she would let her staff out to see their kids in school at 1pm on a Wednesday. Utterly clueless.

You need to bring this up with the school. I’m a full time working parent and governor and often brought this stuff up when my children started school. The school have listened and are generally pretty good. There are still a few short notice things but on the whole loads of advance notice and they are even doing one day performance and one night performance of the Xmas play. But unless parents talk to schools they won’t change

I do hope that all parents with children in schools that do put on events in the evening remember to thank the teachers and other school staff for putting in countless hours of unpaid overtime.

It would make a pleasant change from all of the RAGE and criticism that teachers get on MN and in real life.

Well quite. I just took a group of (lovely) kids on a residential trip abroad for a week. Massive amounts of extra work to organise it, and I was on call 24hrs a day while away (including over a weekend). Not a word of thanks from any of the parents on pick-up.

.

The school should be able to tell you the dates further ahead than that.

I'm a single parent and couldn't take time off for things like that anyway. It's as much as I could do to cover school holidays. I suspect only a minority have their parents attend so your dd won't be the only one. But it is annoying..

It does sound rubbish. My primary school did evening Christmas concerts as well as day ones and this was 30 years ago! But have you actually told the school about this and given them a chance to change things?

Not all schools, we get a timetable of events at the start of each term for the major things (with reminders nearer to the time) and then the nativity also has an evening show. As PPs have said with evening performances a) it's an extra ask of teachers and b) lots of people don't bother to bring their children back in for it- fine if you live local but if you don't then you have to travel back in and don't always get tickets to that particular show. For the other stuff personally I don't think they shouldn't ever do it because they can't always give masses of notice.

Can their father attend anything? You realise that people who work from home can't just pop out to all of these events as they please? I'm a nurse and you win some lose some- working shifts I've been able to attend plenty of the day time events as it's been on an off shift; if I've missed stuff they have another parent who tries to go, if neither can then we explain why.

Schools are under immense pressure as we are in the NHS, schools don't have funding to keep the school open beyond 3pm most days and teachers have enough they do in their own time. If you feel passionately I'm sure you're lobbying the government for better funding for schools. Wouldn't be unreasonable to ask if they could send out dates for big events though like the nativity in good time.

Yabu to want evenings. Yanbu to want more notice. Speak ti the school

I feel you OP. I have no holiday left so can't go to my little girl's first nativity play

Luckily my DP is going one day and the MIL the other

I have a slightly different view on this. Employers should be more flexible to working parents (or employers with caring responsibilities for anyone!) in my opinion rather than expecting the schools to put events on in the evenings or at weekends. As previous posters have said you're never going to please everyone - so having them during school time makes the most sense.

If employers want a happy workforce and they should - they should allow parents time off for events like this. I know I would happily cover for a colleague so they could take the morning off to see their child's play. It can be done - for instance workplaces manage when people are sick.

I agree with you - when my DC were little the amount of invites to things was unbelievable!
Even sports day - morning was everybody then break for lunch 'picnic with parents on the school field' then afternoon were the final heats
ALL day!

Filming things like nativities is a good idea - the school would do this and sell the DVDs

Our school is the same!! Got told a week before about parents evening, I was lucky I could swap with someone in work! My son’s play is coming up, only got told yesterday!! And again I’m panicking about how I’m going to get it off to be able to see it.

they should have to give the dates out in my opinion 2 months before they are due to go ahead.. I have to give 4weeks notice in work to book it off. It’s shit tbh!

Agree we can't expect teachers to have to work extra hours in the evenings, but at DDs primary plays would often be at 11am. Why not at 9.30 so parents might be able to go to work after?

We also had the same issue with notice. Once got told about an inset day a week and a half before and when parents complained we were told it was because they were waiting on an outside trainer to confirm. As if most people can take a day off at such short notice! Never put anything on the website either

Secondary is so much better- less events for a start but also they put the term / significant dates at the end of every email

We had one per year group and there was a “matinee” performance of it and an evening performance.

Surely the responsibility here should be on employers to offer more family friendly/ work life balance flexibility for such events as for the reasons many posters have pointed out (and some have completely ignored) schools can't please everyone and there are many valid reasons why evening performances are not viable.

If you feel it's unfair go to your employer and say there should be a policy in place to allow people to be present at one off events for their kids and if they say no take it higher, lobby your MP etc (this includes teachers the ones in my family are where possible allowed to use PPA to go and see their own kids in stuff)

We have the power to change the way we are expected to work to better suit the modern world and how we live but this responsibility doesn't lie with over worked stretched to the limits head teachers and staff.

Where has OP gone btw

Yanbu to expensive the school to give you notice of events, our school has a calendar on their website that mentions everything big that's happening this academic year (nativity, sports day etc) months in advance.
YABU to suggest evening appointments though, I personally work in the evenings and Im Sure a lot of people wouldn't take their children so a play wouldn't be possible

I can only speak for our school, but of course we do. And we make sure our kids are there on time and in costume, and volunteer to help on trips or at the school fair etc.

The hatred for schools and teachers on here isn't something I see in real life though, everyone appreciates the work teachers do IME.

I'm not a teacher but agree with this. I've purposely set my hours so my DC get a day off from before/after school clubs but not everyone can do that.

Don't get me started on the unfair waiting lists for before and after school activities. They always seem to be filled with the kids from nonworking parent households who can jump on the notifications and book their kids in.

Op is a nurse. The school tell her about things one day in advance. If you needed a blood transfusion would you be happy with it being cancelled so the nurse could go and see an assembly they'd been told about one day ago?

You're being unrealistic

My DC’s school always did an afternoon show and an evening one.

We get the dates a year in advance. Mix of late afternoon, 5pm and 7pm starts. Private school: but that shouldn’t mean they have a monopoly on forward planning and thinking about different work patterns.

Calendars are usually on the school website. Have you checked?

Teachers rarely get to see their own children perform.

Evening performances require teacher good will. They also require attendance by Hildenborough and many parents don't bother.

We also don't get to see our children in anything unless they are in the same school we are teaching in. When my children were Reception/ year one age ( 25 years ago) I worked as a supply teacher so I just pretended I was booked somewhere if a school asked me to work and it was nativity play day . I was a single parent with no support and needed the flexibility if they were ill but I was absolutely, painfully skint.