To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

@beforethecoffeegetscold I do not think a lot of teachers do get it. A lot seem to assume there will be another family member who can attend. I got asked about grandparents and Aunts a lot. My in laws were very elderly and could not go anywhere without carers, and even that was extremely difficult. My parents were both working full time and also had to give a fair bit of notice for annual leave. I did not have other people who could just attend something in the middle of the day with 2 weeks notice.
And I think a lot of teachers do not get this because apart from teaching they are used to family who do more middle class jobs that inherently have more flexibility.

It really isn't that teachers 'don't get it'. They invite parents, knowing full well that not all will be able to come. If you complain that you can't come, yes they might make the suggestion that another family member might be able to come. It's just a suggestion, they're being polite and letting you know that relatives other than parents are allowed to attend. Obviously it might not be possible. What else do you want them to do? As has been pointed out, teachers do get it, because they often can't attend their own dc's events. Ultimately it really isn't the school's fault or their problem if you can't attend.

Whilst I get it is really hard with late notice your expectations are unreasonable. You would like class teachers, support staff and leadership to spend multiple nights a year(on top of parents evenings) away from their family so you don’t have to miss work. These staff would most likely not be paid to do so while being in the same position of not being able to see their own kids. Educators are there to educate and will always try to support parents where they can but they are people too and shouldn’t have to work masses of overtime for performances/events.

Schools are staffed by real people you can communicate with. And no working parent has enough annual leave to be at every single precious event. Work out what you really want to be there for and communicate with the school. Look at your a/l and any ability to swap shifts and then make choices. Also look at wider family - dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, childminders - to be there on occasions, when you can't. You sound a bit like you want everyone to run to your rescue and organize their life around you, instead of working out what you can do. The primary focus of a school is to teach and support children - not parents. And if you're a single parent without any family nearby, build a small team around your child, with parents of your child's friends, so your child gets recognized and cheered on by a team. Your child shouldn't be crying. Because the majority of children have working parents who obviously can't be there for everything.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft yep it is nothing to do with the teachers that multiple daytime events leaves some children upset.
That is what I mean when I say teachers really do not care about the crying and upset kids. Its always not my monkey.

I’m a teacher and the school I was working at didn’t let anybody know staff or parents when events were happening! It’s my constant bugbear as a teacher, these things have been in the mind of the headteacher for ages, but he has never bothered to let everyone else know!

What could they do to show you they care?

@mantyzer you totally ignored my point where I said I was a teacher with no family around (not even in the same country when my DC were little) and a DH who also can't work from home. We just explained to our kids what our jobs were and why we couldn't go. Surely by early primary most kids are capable of understanding that? Sometimes I'd ask a classmates parent who was going to take a pic or video or whatever for me and say "X's mum or dad is watching you for me"
Your school does sound extreme but I think it's an opportunity for parents to come in rather than an expectation. I mean a whole school event for every class that parents are invited to sounds quite...implausible... The staff must spend an awful lot of time planning those!

op- I hear you. I’m so pleased primary days are behind us. It’s not the fact you can’t go- it’s the fact you should be able to go but the school’s disorganisation or lack of communication- means you can’t now go. It was the same at my children’s school-asking when school leavers was going to be, and then telling me they couldn’t tell me until it was ‘announced’ despite them booking a theatre in town. It meant it was too late for me to be able to arrange to go.

The dates will be set for xmas, sports days etc at the very start of the year. In September you can ask for these dates. I work in a school.

Our Christmas nativity is on 12th December. Nine days away. They still haven't given us the times for it (there's two performances). I've thankfully managed to book two hours off work but only because I'm guessing what time the performances will be based on last year. If I've guessed wrong then I'm stuffed.

So schools should do what, then? Accommodate everyone possible working pattern?

The school do not owe you any duty to acccmmodate you. I get your DD would like you to be there , but that's life. You should tell her you are at work earning money to keep a roof over her head and food on the table.

You need to feed this back though. I’m
often ‘that parent’ who tries to do this to make
schools etc more inclusive. Possibly because my daughter has extra needs/is in a minority so it’s more apt for us, but I get sick of hearing others moan and not feeding back to those who make the decisions!
Our school is definitely better than this though and our Carol concert is at 6pm.

My son's school is the same, everything is short notice and Xmas performances are during the day. They're never on a Mon or Fri either, the days when part-timers are more likely to be off. It's fine for me as I mostly work from home but I always wonder how others manage. A few of my son's friends have parents who are teachers at other schools and they have to miss everything. It sounds as though some schools are more considerate than others tbh. You're definitely not being unreasonable.

I had to work so never could attend anything except sports day. I didn’t blame anyone it was just a fact of life and my children had it explained to them and understood. I had some good friends who were also at the school so made sure my kids got cheered and clapped etc.

Seems things haven’t improved for working parents In the 80s and 90s I worked nights so it was easier but on days it was a nightmare and at that time in South Somerset(still poor if you work )things like breakfast club after school.club I used to take mobile phone and bleep and pray it never went off as I was only one of a few parents that worked

I’m a teacher and come from a working class family (not even working actually, poverty). My parents are dead. Assumptions teachers are middle class and don’t care - this thread is getting crazier!

I am a grandmother. I attend all the school events because the parents are at work. Many grandparents do this.

@AllProperTeaIsTheftyep it is nothing to do with the teachers that multiple daytime events leaves some children upset.
That is what I mean when I say teachers really do not care about the crying and upset kids. Its always not my monkey.

Oh don't be so ridiculous. If teachers didn't care, they a) mostly wouldn't be teachers in the first place and b) wouldn't bother organising these extra, fun things for the children at all. 'Caring' should not mean that you have to put in yet more extra, unpaid hours out of work time than you already do, when a) parents all have different requirements and working times do you can't please them all anyway and b) complain whatever the school does.

I've seen first-hand the smount of effort that goes into organising these things and preparing the children for school performances etc. People who don't care don't do this kind of thing.

Have you asked them?

I don't recognise all these children crying at daytime events anyway. I was a Reception teacher and children were able to understand if a parent couldn't come. There were occasional tears but about a variety of things and we were able to comfort them as we did every day because we do care.

The tears I remember most were a couple of occasions when non-resident parents came and the emotions ran too high. Nobody's fault and I helped the children as best I could.

So what about the children that would be upset about not being able to take part in an evening performance or not have a parent there because that doesn't fit in with their work pattern? Or what about the children of school staff who get upset at their parents having to spend yet another evening where they don't get to eat with them, play with them, bath them or put them to bed? Do they not matter?