To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

Schools are being inclusive to the children by arranging events during the school day. A high proportion of kids won't be able to come back in the evening. Schools are inclusive for the children, not parents.

This is it. There is no perfect. But ad long as most of the PTA is SAP there will be less influence.

OP is being a little emotional - its not like this is new. Talk to the school but remind yourself not everyone’s needs can be met. That’s life.

The schools do not give a shit about these children.

This is a ridiculous thing to say.

I'll tell you which kids I care about more though. The ones who have at least one parent at home and who ^ have no fucker coming to see them or attending parent workshops or whatever.

The children whose parents work might feel a bit disappointed but they know their parents aren't coming because their parents have explained it to them. They might be sad but they do understand.

But watching the children who know they have at least one parent at home scanning the room for their parent (or worse still, the ones who don't bother because they have just accepted their parent won't be there) and seeing no one is heartbreaking.

We've never had a parent complain that events are held in the school day because most parents understand that that is when their children are at school and when teachers are at work. Whenever we do things in the evening we always get complaints - it's too late; they're not coming back out; they have other children to consider; their children have clubs to attend... all reasonable points tbf but l, as others have pointed out there is no time that will suit everyone. The only perfect solution would be, as someone else has said, to do nothing.

If children don't have a parent there for something, I make sure that I'm watching them; that I'm smiling at them; that I'm giving them a thumbs up. To say we don't care is bollocks and insulting.

Might be an unpopular view, but I think there are too many events where parents are invited. I often wonder who is supposed to benefit from thrm. It's certainly not the children whose parents can't/don't attend. There are way more invites now than there were when I was at school. I can't help but think it was much fairer to the children then.

Do you check the school.calendar?
My school, my sons' schools (3 different schools) all put the dates on the calendar and 2 weeks before send a notice round for parents to who don't read the calendar and a reminder for those that do. Dates are always in the newsletter letter a term at a time.

@OldChinaJug I would never complain about all the daytime events I could never attend. What is the point?
If I said my DC were upset it was just dismissed, so what is the point of saying anything else?

My school only invites children to the xmas play and sports day, notice given in advance which I think works well, there's never been a stay and play sesssion. I wouldn't expect teachers to work (even more!) Hours for free.

Im a sahm atm but when i wasn't my kids had to accept that i wasn't there sometimes. If i had a friend who couldn't attend a school event i would happily go and watch their child in their place - something to consider perhaps.

What we're hoping to achieve by telling them your child was upset though?

Maybe they comforted your child at school but, realistically, what else could they have done?

Several issues with your OP:
Teacher here. We often can’t attend our own children’s plays and assemblies etc. In reality the assemblies aren’t very well attended or grandparents sent. Teachers rent aid to work extra evenings to d these performances. Some schools do put them on but have to find the time in their calendars fr teachers to get the time back. We are paid 1265 hrs a year but generally work more. Any time between 3:30 and a play starting at 6pm would also be classed as trapped Tim and would need t come out of those paid hours. Some schools manage it and many rely n goodwill of staff.

many parents who work do work shifts and can’t always get time off on an evening. So still won’t catch those parents.
My daughter’s school used to do evening performances but found not all kids actually came back on an evening so parts would be missing. Also younger children often can’t cope with evenings. My daughter missed her year they did evenings as she was poorly.

Evening performances would mean overtime for the caretaking staff.

@OldChinaJug not have constant daytime events that parents were invited to.

You could also suggest that some performances could be at 6pm, for example, so that parents who have little flexibility at work can attend

I work in a school, who is going to be looking after my children (and the children of my colleagues) while these evening performances are happening? Also wondering how many of those calling for school events to start at 6pm regularly work 2+ hours after they are supposed to have finished for the day for no extra money to facilitate other people's working hours? I suspect very few, and even fewer who would do so for the pittance that school support staff get paid.

The lack of notice is shit though, OP. We send texts and emails out about events a week or two before, and do occasionally get parents complaining about that so we have to gently remind them that these are just reminders and it's their responsibility to check the dates that are published in the termly newsletter, and on the school calendar at the start of the year. If that's not the case at your school though then you have a valid reason to complain.

It sounds like an issue with your school and also your work. My DD’s school publishes key dates two terms before, no parents are invited to certificate assemblies. Also all productions are twice a day (one in the evening) and each child is given two tickets for each performance. Have you approached the school prior to this with suggestions on making events more accessible for working parents?

Also it’s not the schools fault that your employers requests leave to be applied for six weeks in advance. It’s unreasonable to expect a school to take into account every companies annual leave policy before announcing dates.

You can thank Ofsted for that. They have a box to tick for parental involvement.

I’m a teacher and until a few years ago I was a single parent and missed everything. I could never understand why there couldn’t be an early evening performance. Yes, we teachers work ridiculous hours (I have been marking year 11 mock English Literature papers all weekend) but surely schools should be able to grant some time to teachers who give up their evenings to run performances. Of course schools can’t do this because of chronic money and staff shortages so please, I know it doesn’t help, but blame the bloody government and lack of education funding for this.

Schools really should give notice. I’m a primary school teacher and we send a list of dates (as far as possible) in the summer term for the next academic year.
But expecting all performances to be in the evenings is unreasonable. Teacher are not paid in evenings so would be working for free, children especially young children would be tired, it’s just not feasible.

It is common in many jobs where you have to be there in person and the work needs a minimum number of people there to only be able to request annual leave a month or 6 weeks in advance. It is not about inflexibility, it is simply the amount of work to arrange cover, cancel and rearrange appointments, etc. I do understand though that those in jobs that are naturally more flexible may not understand this.

I sympathise. The joy of teaching is that you can never ever have time off in term time apart from key events like funerals. And even then you have to apply to the governors to go. School staff understand this.

Complain to the school. Our school had the dates up months in advance. They also did a morning and an evening performance

It’s the same for a lot of working parents the fact you a nurse and managing blood transfusions is irrelevant
Lots of us mere workers aren’t even allowed our phones at work and have to give lengthy notice for A/L

This is why it's getting increasingly difficult to run extra-curricular activities, school residentials and other non-compulsory events. Staff are sick of giving up their free time to provide enriching experiences for kids, only have parents moaning that it's not good enough because the activity or event on offer doesn't cater to the individual preferences of them or their child. We are losing three very talented Teachers at Christmas and each of them has told me separately that the constant demands and unrealistic expectations from parents is a major factor in their decision to leave. Education runs on goodwill but it's rapidly running out as staff feel whatever they do they can't win.

I get it, I managed a few plays, but only because I had a job that finished at 2. For a couple of years, but I was only getting 8 hours of work, so I left for more hours and I then had to miss other plays, as again I didn't get enough notice to tell work.
Now my son is at college, it isn't any better, they sent a list of dates, 2 of which are for parents evening. So my partner books the dates off his work, for the 1st date, that said parents evening, wasn't for 1st year's but 2nd year's. It didn't say. We are approaching the 2nd date, 7th of December. But my son now says its an industry day, what ever that is, so it probably isn't parents day.
But we cannot keep asking for days off for parents evening, as work will think we are making it up. Why put give out dates, if you aren't going to stick to them, or why not put 2nd year's next the first one. We both work late, I finish at 6:30 and my partner at 10pm. So to make the parents evening that starts at 4pm. We need the time off work.

I agree parents expectations are unrealistic. I disagree that having an event every few weeks during school time where parents are invited is okay.
I am not asking for teachers to do more work, I am asking for less. There is no reason except OFSTED to invite parents in for example to look at the work your child has been doing on a particular project - with each child given the job of explaining to their parent what they are doing.

And the parents who attend are those not working or working part time and who are engaged. It does nothing to improve children's performance. It is about a tick box, and who cares at the children upset that their parent is never there.

Schools should just have sports day and a Christmas play that parents are invited to, and nothing else.

Our school had evening performances of seasonal shows. They also recorded performances. If you can't attend, invite grandparents, aunts, uncle, etc.
Generally speaking, when we make a choice to have children, we should think ahead to how school will work alongside our chosen career. It's a parents responsibility to adapt to fit school and your children. Schools cannot adapt to fit every parents individual needs and requirements when they struggle enough to meet the needs of children.
When my eldest were young, I changed careers to accommodate school.
Eldest all grown up, changed careers for a second time to facilitate home schooling our two youngest.