To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

@ColleenDonaghy and no one cares about those families

In fairness we had no childcare issues, as the private daycare nursery down the road did wraparound as well as pickup and drop off, the problem was just the expectation that parents would be able to pickup and come in and look around the classroom. And again, fine to do that, but don't make a big deal about it to the kids as preschoolers are far too little to understand why some mummies can do it and others can't.

I agree that it goes with the job. But I will add that the lawyers doctors and engineers I know all get paid more than me and most considerably so 😉

As I said upthread, one day a year, I do 9 hours unpaid overtime and, do you know what? I still don't mind doing that!

What I do mind is giving up my time and coming on her to read threads, or going into work to hear, complaining that we don't do enough. I never see threads complaining that engineers, doctors and lawyers aren't accommodating enough or don't care about their clients, patients or customers.

I don't even expect thanks, tbh. Just a bit less of the constant criticism would be greatly appreciated though!

Teachers can’t win.

firstly night time shows are out of their working hours, secondly most young kids would be knackered doing it at night and thirdly most kids have other clubs/commitments at night so it would clash.

surely you knew this would be the reality of having kids? School things happen between 9-3 and always have.

Fully agree with you about the criticism of teachers on here, it's really weird and not something I see at all in real life where teachers are viewed with esteem.

I think criticising school organisational practises that makes life unnecessarily hard for parents is in fair enough though, and OP is very reasonable even if everyone else hasn't been.

I vaguely knew a TA at DDs primary. She told me the main hall was always booked months and months ahead as everyone wanted it. So they knew the dates of performances ages before, but only bothered to tell parents the week before. It was part of the general poor management though.

Her school did do night performances in years 5/6. They had issues if the child was in the choir the parents would only bring them the night they performed. I can’t really blame them.
DD didn’t attend the year 6 performances at all as it clashed with her being in an actual show, not just in the ‘choir’ for the 6th year in a row. Actually caused quite a argument with school.

Ive worked in HR for a MAT, we allowed teachers out for some performances, especially the first nativity (as long as it wasn’t too far away). However support staff were never allowed to go.

I had this 10 years ago! Not all schools. Some give more notice. They say that out of school hiurs is tiring for the kids and teachers. Lots of crying! It's kind of true. I got angry too and then the school added in extra sessions in the evening. Now it seems a bit ridiculous it at the time I was fuming.

Can you swap that day with a colleague? When I was single with no kids I swapped lots of shifts for working parents..

@Gophergoesham I am not criticising parents, but that is not true. When I was a child anything parents were invited to happened afterschool.

@LeggyLegsEleven I used to be support staff in a school. We were always treated worse than teachers. I would never do that job again.

The irony is that many schools do not allow time off for staff to go to their own children's trips/plays/events at the schools they attend🤔... yet expect 100% support from their parent/family community.

All the goodwill in schools has gone.
I always make sure the support staff in my department go to nativities etc. it's a thankless and low paid job so it's the least I can do.

Do they? None of the schools I've worked in have expected 100% parent attendance for anything. I am assuming you meant attendance. 100% support is a really low bar tbh. If you aren't supporting your child 100% that's neglectful. Being unable to attend a performance doesn't mean your not supportive.

We always do evening performances and nativities. Dates for these are provided for these on returning to school in September. Our issue is that increasing numbers of parents don't return their children to school in the evening to perform.

What I have written is what I meant.

I have seen teachers on MN saying negative stuff about parents who do not attend anything during the day and assuming they just do not care. So some teachers do judge us.

so the staff should work out of their hours to accommodate you! Ok then….

Evening performances are a pain for teachers and school staff, as they are expected to be there. After a long day in school, possibly having to arrange childcare for their own kids. I understand as a working parent it's difficult, but teachers are often working parents too.

In which case, yes, 100% support is a really low bar. Of course you are expected to support your child 100%. It is neglectful not to.

You're honestly annoyed that schools expect you to support your child???

Just another point of view. We had a new head few years back who pulled all tasks from teachers (plays etc) from occurring outside school hours. Her rationale was that she didn't think they should have to work any extra hours beyond what they already do. I agreed so much with her. I'm a working parent (full time and cannot wfh). It's tricky sometimes but I want staff stability in schools so I suck it up.

YANBU about the Christmas show and sports day, they should have an evening performance of the show and inform you about the date of sports day further in advance. Are you sure you’re looking at the school calendar though, my school puts all of these dates in well in advance and then reminds us closer to the time.

Everything else though, sorry I think you are a bit U. They have to decide who to give certificates to a week max before it is presented, so they’re not going to be able to give you 6 weeks notice. Also bear in mind that teachers don’t get overtime or flexitime so anything they do do in the evening is unpaid overtime, plus obviously schools’ budgets are absolutely stripped to the bone- teachers are leaving in droves or going off with stress, OFSTED are horrific, Child metal health is in crisis, safeguarding and SEN through the roof, and most good schools remain good only through the unpaid goodwill of staff. So to some extent the needs of working parents when it comes to extra curricular stuff do come second to the absolute shitstorm happening elsewhere.

I am sure they would be happy to try to make some changes but you might actually have to help them make it work through volunteering etc.

I have never seen this as teachers are often parents with the same issues.

Not on MN, but I certainly have judged non-working parents that don't attend anything. I have also judged a parent who turned up for 100% of DC1s events but none of DC2s events. I don't think you could really not-judge in those instances when you know the dc, care about the dc and know the family background.

@Heronwatcher I used to volunteer with the school. The sky high expectations alongside how some parents behave means I would not do it again. I only do things now if I get paid. And I am nowhere near as well paid as teachers.

Feed back to the school as ours gives us dates at least a month in advance.