To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

This.

IMO the only thing the school has done that could and should be improved was to give more notice when it was going to take place.

And the same thing happens with teachers, shocker! They have to get childcare for their own insets and that of their kids school! So double the amount that others have to and with no leave time to take for that either.

I'm a teacher, who works in a school an hour away from home. I have never seen any of my DCs nativity plays, or sports days. That's the nature of the job.

And I never expected primary school teachers - many of whom have their own families - to extend their working hours into an evening so that I could do so. It's not like they can take time off in lieu, like in other jobs. It's just an extended (very long) working day for them. No extra pay, generally very little gratitude offered.

I really don't think school staff should be forced to miss out on time with their families, with no overtime pay, so working parents can attend, though. Nor do I think kids should be routinely made to stay late or go back to school in the evenings to facilitate this.

Teachers are working parents too and they are not allowed time out of school to watch their kids in plays either, just so you know.

Can her father or grandparents attend ?

Yes most people with professional salaried jobs work outside their typical working hours without paid overtime.

I'm an actuary turned academic, friends are lawyers, doctors, engineers, academics, other financial services roles, one works in sales. Every single one of us works late or goes to the occasional weekend event.

I really appreciate my daughter's teachers and the fact that they come to evening events, but I also think it's just part of the job, especially for the big things like nativities. Parental engagement with the school is a good thing for the school and the children.

I didn't want to spend my birthday at a Saturday open day last year but I slapped a smile on my face and repeated the same information time after time all day long because that's the job.

That may be the case?

It is the case.

That sounds really shit OP, I'm sorry :(

At my DD's school they recognise that so many parents work so can't come to school events during the day so they don't have much - there's one day a year that's the school-home day where parents are invited to come to school and see their child's classroom etc. (and they always arrange it on the Be Active day so sports activities happen too so for the children whose parents can't come they are distracted by the activities and hopefully don't feel so left out). Christmas show is in the evening always, and the end of year celebration is always on the Saturday after the last day of term so as many parents as possible are able to attend (and the date is known from the beginning of the school year so parents that work weekends have plenty of notice to book that morning off).
There needs to be a balance for teachers too, can't have too many evening events otherwise its not fair on teachers either but also teachers with children in other schools would appreciate being able to see their children in events which would only be possible if its in the evening.

As a teacher, I didn’t object to the evening performance. It was one of the several things- parents evenings, open evening, meetings, summer production, that you do because it’s part of the job, even though it’s unpaid. I didn’t mind buying Christmas cards and small gifts either. For one or two children, a card from the teacher was the only one they got at school. I didn’t mind sourcing costumes and accessories for the performances either. It’s part of the job.

I became a school governor fairly recently and noticed, on my first visit to the school, a big notice reminding parents that the school day would have an earlier start time in the new term. So many people ignored it, or didn’t see it, just as they ignore or don’t see or don’t remember, information about inset days, theme days, outings. I get that lives are busy. I get that we don’t remember everything and things go wrong. But I don’t think there are huge amounts of people who spend their own time and their own money for others, whilst not being paid for that either.

They sound terribly disorganised. Mine are in senior school now and there is a calendar online of all key dates for the year ahead. Of course they add a few things now and then and throw in a few curve balls but it allows you to organise yourself. When mine were in primary, the nativity had a day time performance and a couple of evening performance so all parents could come. They used to have music concerts right at the start of the school day in assembly which meant I could go then dash off to work having prearranged a later start. Always felt a bit stressful but it was doable.

I was a nurse and a single parent and I feel your frustration. Sometimes I could get a grandparent to go, but yes the short notice was my bugbear too. Letters home on Friday saying you have been allocated parents' evening time slots for the following week. I worked in the ICU. I couldn't even put my breaks together and slip out or get someone to swap shifts with such short notice.
Thankfully once they moved into seniors we got dates for the year, but also they were older and understood why I couldn't attend everything. It really mattered to them in Primary though.

I’m so glad my children are at secondary school. It was difficult trying to factor in all the endless school events and demands for money when they were at primary school.

An alternative perspective is that as a kid my mother never came to primary school anything, not because she was working, but because parents were not invited. I also don’t recall doing a nativity play ever.

I do understand that if other parents are going and DD’s would feel left out - but broadly I do not feel in anyway bereft for not having these experiences.

It is completely different though when most children do have a parent attending.

I'm not a teacher, but my goodness, I'm getting fed up with people being annoyed at our open hours (9.00 to 6.30), and saying, when they are making an appointment, 'but I work you know!'!

Yes luv, so do I, and like you, I enjoy my evenings and my weekends, and need to get stuff done in them. Sometimes I have to interrupt my working day for shit that needs doing.

Sorry, OP, not having a pop at you, I sympathise with you and your child, especially over the lack of notice. But it's something that's really been grinding my gears lately!

Oh, and as a child I don't think my parents ever came to events - either they were busy working, or couldn't be bothered, because I was the 'been there, done that' unplanned whoopsy child!

Which is why I do sympathise with OP and their child.

I think what annoys me is when the expectations are way beyond what the people working at the given service would be able to comply with.

The obvious example being GP appointments. We can no longer book an appointment in advance, it has to be the 8am call to get on a list for a callback and they can't tell you when that will be. There's no way a GP would be able to do that if they needed something as a patient.

Likewise my DD's preschool teacher being judgy about us not being at school every Wednesday for pickup - as if she could be anywhere other than her workplace at 1pm on a weekday.

As a teacher, I didn’t object to the evening performance. It was one of the several things- parents evenings, open evening, meetings, summer production, that you do because it’s part of the job

Me neither, but it's pretty disheartening when parents' reaction to these time-consuming things is just to criticise and complain that they're not tailored precisely to their individual preferences.

@Mirabai My children were often very upset that I could not be there. I was upset at their upset. No one wants this for their children.

Not really sound advice when sickness records end up bad and then people end up been let go

Which I acknowledge in my second para. But given the numbers of working parents it’s unlikely to be most just some.

IME most families can work it so that the children have someone at most things, but the problem is that it's the same families every time that will find it more difficult and it will be very hard on those DC.

The school should give notice. Nativities are not a surprise.

We had lots of evening concerts. Every evening parents’ evening and every evening event, I always spoke to their teachers and started by thanking them for giving up their evenings. I said, ‘this must be your idea of hell!’ They denied it but must have agreed inside ;-)

Shame about your pre-school. Ours is from 0845 to 1515 with wraparound breakfast club (from 0700) and after-school club (to 1800) if you want to keep your pre-schooler at school for longer.