To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

I work in a primary school. There will always be parents whose working lives don't fit in with the school daily schedule. That's just the way it is. Our school tries its best to give plenty of notice to parent for the bigger events but there is so much that goes on that for the smaller events it's not always possible to give huge amounts of notice for every single thing. YABU to expect them to work around your working hours but they SHOULD try their best to give as much notice as they can so that you can fit in with THEIRS. I think parents forget that an event that they just walk out the door from does involve a lot of work afterwards from the staff after the children and parents have left the building - tidying up, cleaning etc. Before I worked in a school I don't know who I thought did all this extra work for the nice things that go on at school, I suppose I didn't think about it. But honestly, staff work so hard to put on all the non-academic stuff that goes on in schools for the parents' sake.

Plenty of parent nurses and police etc in my family. They get around things like this by swapping shifts with other team members, as they would need to do for other things. Doesn't always work if no-one is available or willing to swap. In those cases they send a grandparent or aunty or family friend as a "cheerleader". Most kids are just glad to see someone in the audience they are close to that are there for them and that they can smile and wave to. I do feel sorry for the kids that have no-one at all there, so if you are a parent with a difficult shift pattern and can't attend an event try and send someone else for them. Most school are happy with this.

It's rubbish. Thankfully I have a decent manager and work somewhere that I can dip out of for a hour if I needed to attend these things. I'm actually covering a college next week to allow her to go see her kids nativity. I will have double the patients but we will make it work as it's one of those things that I don't think she should miss. Little extra work for me but will mean the world to her.

No money to pay teachers overtime

It wouldn't matter if there was money in the budget. There's no mechanism for it. There is a form in our school office that TAs can fill in to request overtime pay if they've stayed for something (most of them don't though). But there's no similar mechanism for teachers.

It's just 'noted' if you don't. So it's not even voluntary.

The only time we're not required to attend an evening event is of we have something like parents evening for our own child or an actual prior commitment. But it's always 'noted' who does and doesn't attend.

HT always emails afterwards though to thank us and remind us how much the children appreciate it and that everything we do, we do for them. It's a pity that parents don't recognise the same...

This is one of the reasons I left teaching. I was there for concerts of other people’s children but absolutely NEVER my own. At least you will be able to make some of them as you can actually book annual leave.

Teacher here and I agree with you. I can’t get time to go and see my children’s assemblies and concerts.

The thing is the moment my school have suggested doing something after school or in the evenings we then get even more complaints about parents working shifts or children attending clubs and even it ruins younger children’s bedtime routines.

Sadly
the school can’t win no matter what they do. I’d suggest letting the school know you’re upset you can’t make it due to short notice and maybe join the parent council and help choose days to work for the majority.

Anyway, I'm going out today to buy a Christmas tree and decorations for my classroom and Christmas cards and small presents for the children.

I won't be paid for the time I spend doing it or be able to claim back the money I spend on it.

I'm not technically required to do it in that it's not in my contract but I want it to be as nice for the children as possible in the run up to Christmas, and everyone is doing the same so the unwritten expectation is there. So I will do.

Well for its worth, I appreciate you and your colleagues - thank you 😊

It makes me laugh I do not know a school that doesn't share the information about such events in good time. There are the odd events that are planned with a shorter notice but almost all have online calendars and newsletters with this on. They just send out more information nearer the time like duration and for ticket sales. However the parents have to read it and be arsed to read it. We can tell who has read ours as it tells us and that is always quite a shock when parents claim not to know and we check the system and say, you did read it our system says you did! They then claim the truth - they forgot!! Or if they don't know, there is a thing called an email or a telephone you can use it to ring the school and ask! Learnt helplessness is alive and kicking!

Sadly too many need spoon feeding these days.

We're lucky that our school publishes key dates for big events at the start of each term. However, there are always several parents on our class WhatsApp group who are completely surprised (and then grumble at the lack of notice!) when we get the reminder that the school play is next week, or that it's the school trip this week so drop-off is early.

We've even had parents turning up with kids on inset days and then messaging the group at 8:20am outside the gate to ask, "erm, so why is school closed today?".

Thank you ❤️

and even it ruins younger children’s bedtime routines.

clearly you don't have a ND child that needs a strict routine

when I worked full time we had to ask for leave 2 weeks in advance, no exceptions . This meant anything last minute during work time - I couldn't attend.

I told the children if the school gave me notice I could possibly attend but due to the let us know with days to go about everything, it wasn't possible.

Eventually the school put on evening performances and I was able to go and watch a few things.

You chose a job that has shifts and therefor impacts on your personal life. I’m sure you’ve also missed Christmas days or special events because of rotas.
its just the way it is. You can’t expect teachers to do everything outside of normal working hours on top of their regular working hours all the time.
If you’re a nurse, still a good chance you might miss an eve performance, no? And no, schools can’t give 6-8 weeks notice on dates for everything, if they did they would be constantly having to change them which would annoy even more parents.

My kids’ school was like this. They put loads on but with hardly any notice. It was a catholic school so maybe they thought all the mums were good little catholic wives staying at home (apologies to catholics for generalisation - I’m one too but am working out of house mum)

I kept mentioning it to them and so did DH who was a governor, and it did change eventually so that they circulated a term’s programme of events in advance. Keep mentioning it to them, and get other parents to mention it too.

YABU to expect stuff to not be in school hours, as that is literally the hours that school operates. Doing things in the evening requires the goodwill of already exhausted school staff, who have their own DC and childcare issues, as well as paying other staff/people to lock up/ ensure safeguarding leads can be contacted, first aider on site etc. Teachers don't get to see any of their own kids stuff either, it is part and parcel of the job you choose to do sadly.

YANBU to expect dates for big things like performances further in advance. Our school give them out as early as possible, most of them we get at least a term in advance.

Btw I don’t think you should expect them to put on stuff out of school hours, but you are very reasonable to want more notice.

That's ridiculous, we get the dates for at least the whole term at the beginning of the term. For big events they usually inform parents at the beginning of the year

When my kids were small I felt the same op, that not all working parents were in the same boat, and it was assumed that I had flexibility, could make up hours in the evening. No. I wasn't even supposed to have my phone on me.

With those school Christmas plays you have to accept missing some of it. Single parents like me needed to save holidays for dentist/doctor/sick kids.

You sound so upset and I understand the feeling. As the mother of grown children, the memories of those childhood school events are so sweet. They are insignificant in the scheme of things but not to you or your children. It’s a shame, too, that teachers can’t attend their own children’s events and I wish there was a solution to that. Teachers work hard and are so important to the children in their care.

I always try to cover in work for parents of small children as I know it lasts for such a short time. Just the primary school years really. If you ask, you may find an understanding colleague.

Speak to the school or parent rep about the lack of notice for big events. That’s something that can change without imposing on anyone.

Of course school events are during school hours...and yes as PP have said its your school thatvis the problem. Our school gives us 8 weeks notice of nativities etc. Obviously awards in assembly are only a days notice as that is when they decide who wins the certificate. You need to explain to your child that you won't be able to attend a lot of things, same as your childs teacher can't attend any of their of their own childrens activities if they are at a different school

I managed this by

• swapping shifts
• getting into work later or leaving work earlier
• using annual leave
• calling in sick

And if all of that failed I'd ask family to attend instead.

When my children were young they used to get so upset about this, They very rarely had anyone there. I have to give a minimum 4 weeks notice for leave, DP 6 weeks. My parents both worked as does my sister - and she used her annual leave for her own kids.
We found it hard enough to cover sick days and inset days.

We found it hard enough to cover sick days and inset days.

Inset days are just part of the kids' holidays, they are not extra days off for the kids, they are part of their leave time. Teachers had leave time taken off them to create inset (baker) days.

@RheaRend that may be the case. But they are odd days not easily covered by paid childcare. Holidays there is childcare even if you pay a small Kings ransom for it.

Exactly.

Teachers have working hours too and quite likely their own children to look after in the evening. Sometimes grandparents can go to performances, assemblies etc. instead of parents. You can't suit everyone.