To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

Gawd yes! All of this!

As teaching staff, we are told quite clearly we need to schedule doctors/dentists/etc appointments outside of working hours or during half term and term breaks or explain why we couldn't do so. Yet Parents are demanding we work outside our scheduled working hours to accommodate short notice meetings or put on school productions where a significant percentage of parents tell us their children won't be coming?

It really is a thankless job now.

I think a lot of people are missing OP's point - it's not so much about the timings of things, but about the lack of notice as she could book A/L if she knew in enough time. And I can't see how that would be a problem from the school's point of view - they must surely have worked out the timings for stuff like the Christmas play fairly early on in term?

Incidentally, this would also be a problem for lots of WFH parents. I WFH in what's a pretty flexible role but even so I can't just wander off somewhere in the middle of my working hours with no notice!

When I was a kid these things used to be in the early evening.

If you had read the thread, you would have realised that many schools do :-

give out details in advance
provide evening performances for working parents who can’t come during the day.
realise that teachers mostly miss these events for their own children because they’re caring for and teaching other people’s.

The issue is the lack of notice and the fact that you simply can’t please everyone. For every person who wants an evening performance, there’s another who doesn’t like it because the children will be tired, it interferes with the evening routine etc.

At my kids SN school we used to get a letter at the start of each term of all the dates planned for that term. As well as reminders or any changes.

I feel for you, our school is the same. I would edit this rant slightly and email it to the school. Many parents feel the same way and it isn't fair on them or on the kids. We recently got asked to fill in a school survey so lots of parents are sharing similar concerns via that but there should always be a way of emailing school

Lack of notice is an issue. But they idea of moving activities into the evenings is madness on so many levels.

Your only valid point is that they could usually give more notice, such as publishing the school calendar at the beginning of each term (assuming they don't already do that and have it on their website for you to see).

Other than that, teachers are very often working parents too. They have families of their own and can't get to their own children's school events during the working day either as they aren't allowed leave during term time.

Nor do they get paid overtime yet you are expecting them to work unpaid in the evenings to facilitate you coming to see the school play. That plus very tired young children and I am sure you can see the issue with what you are asking of them.

Your DD being upset is of course sad for you and for her, but as you are a working parent she needs to learn to accept from a very early age that you simply cannot be there for everything, and often for very little.

To be quite honest, I was very relieved when mine all reached secondary school age and the demands for school events suddenly became much less. Even virtually non-existent. It was bliss if I am honest.

Bloody hell calm down! Just tell your kid you have to work and work is important and hopefully she'll get some resistance because crying and crying isn't normal or healthy. My kids were gutted I couldn't go to their Xmas decorating event but they soon got over it because I didn't make a big deal out of it.

OP my children's high school is the same. I'm a nurse too, getting told about parents meetings/ parents information meetings less than 2 weeks notice.
I phoned the school this week to find out when DC's parents meeting will be, Was told a date middle of January but office has said this is the date at the moment and may get changed!! I've requested this day off so if it gets changed will be contacting someone senior. Have already missed other DC's information evening as working.
Not everyone has 9- 5 jobs or can just slip away from work for a couple of hours!

I hated the evening performances when mine were tiny, a four year old up on stage until 7pm after a full day of fun and school, expected to perform for a big crowd of adults. We’ve had plenty of over tired tears.

OP, I empathise with your sentiment and can fully understand how much harder it might be for parents that work in non desk-based jobs like healthcare, retail, manufacturing, construction, trades, etc. Your school should most certainly be aiming to give a bit more notice for significant events.

I sometimes feel jealous of my parent friends who either are stay at home parents, work part time or work in flexible jobs who are able to make time to volunteer on school trips etc. at relatively short notice, but I've made a choice to be in the kind of job that I'm in so I can't really complain.

Having said that, I'm a governor at my kids' school and have a teacher for a best friend and knowing what I know, I have huge empathy and gratitude for everyone that works in a school (teaching and non-teaching staff) and know first hand it's a thankless job, resources are pathetically limited, they're almost always short staffed and its a job with constant scrutiny from parents. Generally speaking, they're doing all they can. I know that teachers in my school already do a lot of unpaid hours preparing lesson plans, filling in endless paperwork and would not expect them to do any more than they already do outside their working hours.

I hope you're able to bring up your concerns constructively and the school tries to incorporate a bit more notice for events. But it might not always be possible or sufficiently in advance for every parent's requirements, that's just how things are unfortunately.

Yanbu, when I was a kid school plays were one in the day and one in the evening for this very reason but its not the case anymore which is frustrating.

People have been so rude! So privileged to have never have this problem. Of course the OP’s upset. She wants to go and see her baby but she can’t. School should get their shit together and give at least 6 week’s notice where possible.

Do you work for free? Teachers do every time they do an evening event.

I feel your pain.

Aww that’s rough. If I have something really important I need to attend I takes day off sick then there’s no danger of not being permitted to go. It will mean the world to your child and work will cope so I would just do that personally.

We are given the dates from the start of term. We find out with shorter notice if our kids performance is morning or afternoon.

OK.

I'm a teacher. I don't actually mind staying at school for evening performances because my children are older and I appreciate that not all parents can attend daytime events.

But... a large number of parents refuse (for whatever reason) to bring their children back to school in the evening.

I don't get paid overtime for it.

There's no gratitude.

Every year we take the children to the theatre to watch a major production for a fraction of the cost. I get to school on that day at 7.30am and don't get home until 11.30pm.

Of the 16 hours I work that day, I get paid for 7. And parents still complain.

And that includes all the other evening events we put on and stay late/come back for - discos, parents evenings, film nights, bonfire nights, school fayres, overnight camping in the school field etc. We work unpaid for all of them because they fall outside the directed hours we are paid for.

Anything and everything your child's teacher does after about 3.45pm is unpaid overtime.

And people saying “child has to learn etc”. The woman isn’t saying she’s so special she must attend everything, but that if the organisation was better, she could attend more things. God I need to got off mumsnet and never return. I literally hate 90% of posters. Wicked, Marcy old witches.

I can fully understand the frustration, especially with ad hoc dressing up days and performances with little notice. All that can be done is asking the school to publicise events far earlier; maybe a fully year calendar at the start of the year.

As an ex teacher with kids, don’t forget evening performances mean we’d miss time with our own kids on those evenings (and perhaps miss their evening performances to work on your child’s evening performance) and don’t think we’d be paid for the extra hours either! Most teachers are working parents so they have full sympathy, but they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

And as a few have mentioned above, it wasn’t uncommon for parents to fail to bring their children back in the evening for a performance, or parents would be raging that evening performances weren’t acceptable because they had younger children to get to bed.

Daytime performances - ranting parents;
Evening performances- ranting parents.

Satan would take up ice skating in hell before you’d time performances to suit every parent!

I completely agree with you about the lack of notice.

it is understandable events happen during school hours, but lack of organization is inconsiderate

Yes all these terrible old women. Perhaps you should try Reddit?

I'm a secondary school teacher...the only time I ever called in sick was to see my primary age daughter in her first school nativity.
As teachers we only get time off during term time for special circumstances.
I've never seen my children's sports days nor assemblies.
Luckily their dad has more flexible working.

How can schools do performances in the evening? No money to pay teachers overtime. Do you often work for free?

How can a school give more than 1 days notice for weekly awards when the children are only chosen the day before?

Were you really only given 10 days notice? Or has the date been on the school calendar/newsletter for months but only sent out the official invite letter 10 days ago?

Schools don't assume everyone is a SAHP. They just plan things during their working day, much like you and everyone in any other profession, mostly only plan work during working hours (with some exceptions e.g. residential trips and parents evening)