To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

Our school does two, one during the day and one in the evening. But yes, we only sometimes get a week's notice. They're shit.

Our primary school produced a calendar with EVERYTHING on it at the start of the school year. Initially it was free, then you had to pay for it (about £4 due to production costs) but so worth it.
There were Christmas performances afternoon AND evening as I recall, maybe even morning ones, can't remember now.
Your school doesn't sound very organised, so sad that you are missing things.

You should have asked .
You know you need notice.
Sports day, Xmas play and other things happen every year.
So call the school and ask for the dates, because this is going to be a 12 year long journey.

I feel for you. Similar thing happened to me when I was on the wards. I now work from home part of the week so it is possible depending on where you work.

To be honest, that sounds like your manager is not very supportive. Given the shit situation at the minute and pay and conditions they need to be more flexible.

is there anyone who can swap your shift? Or take a couple of hours annual leave and do the early and finish a bit earlier or start a bit later on eve shift? Or see if you can take a couple of hours just to see the play and return (if working a long day).

@Bollindger unfortunately it's not always possible. I did the same when I was on the wards and was told estimated dates and unable to give me a timetable. On quite a few occasions those estimated dates changed

Join the PTA then you’ll get the heads up on the dates or either when your child tells you they are star no.4 or at the beginning of November ask at the school office.

You have a lot more flexibility than other working parents. 12hr shift allow more weekdays off so some things will fall on your days off. What about teachers who are parents? They will never be able to attend their own children's things. I work 13hour shifts also & have missed things, it's life. I wouldn't expect the school to arrange things for evenings to suit working parents, they don't get paid to stay those hours.

I really do feel for the school staff on here who feel criticised yet miss their own DC performances. I have always observed in my work that teachers always ask for late antenatal appointments so as to not miss work, whereas most others are happy to miss an hour of work. I've actually put an evening clinic in place now and it's mostly teachers utilising it. So it's a bit much to suggest that teachers should work evenings for free to facilitate other working parents.

this is the first year we were told a month in advance, last year was the worst- we were told the week before!! This year is the first time I’ll have seen one of my sons in a play. It does suck. Yadnbu but in their defence my friend is a teacher in a school that does their plays at 7 o clock at night and every year she has people ask can they change because of babysitting issues and the fact it’s at their kids’ bedtime

Filming is only ok if all parents consent to it. I don't consent to my children being filmed or photographed so filming won't be an option at our school

Our school sends an email at the start of term with all the dates for that term. They started doing this after numerous complaints from parents. Ask them if they can do that in future?

Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!

Because that is the school’s working hours. Teachers stay late for parents evening, to accommodate working parents, but if they extended their working day for every single event, they be working insane hours.

You could definitely ask them to publish dates of shows at the start of the school year, but things like an award assembly necessarily happen soon after whatever achievement is being celebrated.

We got an email from the HT saying that he "wanted to give us all plenty of notice as he knows how busy this season could be so had taken the time to list out all the activities taking place this month". How nice! We now have 1 and a half weeks notice of the Christmas carol service that so far none of the kids have started practicing for and we need to take an afternoon off work to attend, at the end of the holiday year. Brilliant!

I wouldn't want to take my kid back into school for an evening performance. Our evenings are: afterschool club, dinner, bath and bed.

You want teachers to work evenings to accommodate your working pattern?

How often do you finish a shift and then pop back for a couple of hours for free because it's a better time for your patients?

But I think your school could publish dates earlier, to give parents the best chance of securing time off.

But the real issue here is you feeling guilty and sad that you won't see your child in their performance because you have to work - which is how teachers feel all the time, missing everything their child does at school because we are teaching other people's children.

Teacher here. I have missed most of my children's assemblies over the years as schools are very rigid about making allowances for these things. The big shows/ nativities should be pencilled into the calendar well in advance. The weekly awards are decided on during the week, depending on what the children have done then and there. You can't really expect notice for this. Parents aren't invited for weekly certificates at most schools.

Not read the full thread but I can never understand why schools still assume it's the 1950s with wifey at home looking after all the kids and the home.

Most teachers are female after all, and many have kids of their own!

My thoughts exactly. Working from home is working. Some jobs at home have flexibility, some don't. Exactly the same for jobs not at home.

After hours school plays don't really work. My nephew was the lead in his schools Christmas show last year. They did two evening performances and one at the weekend. My sister told them he could only do Tuesdays & Thursdays after school and Sunday at the weekend. The performances were arranged for Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. They didn't have a back up plan and told my sister he would just need to attend. Obviously he didn't. The headteacher was really cross at my sister.

On top of children's availability, you've got teacher availability. I work over my hours a lot but I take the time back. I can't see when a teacher would be able to do that. I don't think they get paid for the extra hours.

Your school sounds worse than most in terms of giving parents notice (although this week our school sent out an email giving one and a half days notice of an event. Fucking great). I completely agree with your point though.

When I was at school, even though it was the 80s and there were a lot of SAHM’s, we always had evening performances and concerts, parents evenings were held in the actual evenings too and there just wasn’t the same amount of last minute parent drop-in type shite people were expected to attend (stay and reads, art shows etc).

Schools expectations of parents have become batshit. Don’t even get me started on ‘wear a yellow t shirt for this day, sporty socks this day, dress up next week etc).

This is so true. Teachers already work 10 hour days and, quite often week ends. We miss out on a lot of our own children's special events because we are busy teaching your kids. We stay late for parents' evenings, training sessions, marking, clubs and so much more. We are given a certain number of directed hours and if schools schedule events after hours, they will have to account for that in directed time. It's not reasonable to be THIS angry and I wonder what lies beneath it.

We get a school calender at beginning of every year with all key dates on it. Half our school works at the hospital so I understand your pain with rotas / requesting time off work. Your school needs to be more organised- 10 days notice is ridiculous!

We don't assume that. We just don't want to work evenings for free.

It's a difficult one, I've had to swap shifts, sometimes a kind manager would allow me to take an hour etc out of my shift to attend or I did night shifts. Should imagine its the same for most full time workers.

The annoying thing is my 2 don't even remember the plays/sports days I did attend!