To feel RAGE against schools lack of care towards working parents?

[Stormy900]

I'm so, so angry!!!!
I'm a working parent.
I'm a nurse, so I can't WFH.
Why oh why oh why do primary schools set ALL their plays and productions during school hours when I, and so many other parents I know, are AT WORK!!!!
WHY don't schools factor this in????
My DC has a Christmas performance coming up and it is really important to him and to me that I'm there, it would fill my heart with absolute joy to see him. But school only informed us of the date 10 days ago. I have requested to take annual leave to attend it, but it has been refused by my manager because there are other colleagues on annual leave that day who have already requested, and I've been told my request is too short notice, but I've only recently been informed of the date by school. I'm absolutely heartbroken to not be able to attend. If I'd been given much more notice, I could have attended.
Also, another issue is HOW LITTLE NOTICE schools give parents about dates for events that parents are invited to. Sports day, parents being invited in to see DC's work and class displays, summer shows, Easter performances, class assemblies where my DC have speaking parts, and of course Christmas events. The school tells us no more than 2 weeks in advance maximum. Why?????
In my job, A/L has to be requested SIX WEEKS in advance because of staff rotas.
And don't get me started on children being given award certificates in assembly each week, which parents are invited to watch and the teachers TELL THE CHILDREN THEIR PARENTS ARE INVITED....they invite parents on the afternoon of THE DAY BEFORE THE CERTIFICATE ASSEMBLY!!!!
On Monday, school sent an email to me at 3pm, which I didn't pick up because I was managing a blood transfusion for a critically ill patient, so I picked it up later that day, as I can't access my emails as soon as they come in if I'm working. The invite was for 9am THE NEXT DAY!!!
There was no way I could attend at this level of short notice, as I was due to be at work the next morning, starting at 7am.
My little DD cried and cried. She said she wanted me there more than anything.
I have missed sooooooo many primary school events for my 2 DC because of horrific short notice from school. If I'd had dates in advance I could have attended them all.
WHY do schools do this???
They MUST KNOW what dates they're going to do events on. I simply refuse to believe they don't. They MUST have to plan their school calendar, activities, shows, performances, awards, in advance.
WHY do they assume all parents are eithet stay at home mothers or are in WFH jobs??
I'm SO angry!!!

You do know that a huge percentage of teachers are parents themselves, right? With their children in other schools.

They don't get to see their own children's special events either and are also doing the best they can.

Yes, some things can be scheduled with more notice, like Christmas productions, art mornings, etc. And while it sounds straightforward and simple to expect that an evening performance should also always be performed, it's not. As the teachers and staff who run it can't always be available due to their own family commitments, and it's considered 'voluntary' for TAs, etc, who aren't paid for such things and generally work school hours for a reason (their own family commitments).

'Students of the week' aren't decided weeks in advance; they're decided the week their child has earned it and very little notice can be given.

It is hard. I do acknowledge that. But that is what working and having children is: hard. And I do feel that mothers feel this conflict more; I never see dad's pulling their hair out and bewailing the fact they can't see their children's activities during school hours. I wonder why that is sometimes....

In my kids primary, I think because teachers got it, they did a morning and an end of day showing of Christmas things and were in the main good with admin, giving notice of the main events for the year at the start of the school year (so 10 weeks for Xmas). Do send an email with your disappointment. Is there a partner, grandparent, godparent, who can go instead as I know they love to have someone in the audience. Though a couple of mine used to look completely bored 😐

@RoomOfRequirement I agree. I work 3 days a week due to my shifts (x2 13hrs and a 6.5hr)
I have a good relationship with my colleagues and swap shifts with them for stuff with their children and vice versa.
I'm glad my school gives a terms notice, however sometimes my shift requests close before I get the dates. But my shifts works out where I can swap or it falls on my days off as I'm working the weekend (or nights)

Is there a Parent Teacher Association or similar? Could you set up a chat with one of the people on it and put your issues in writing and ask for a plan for better, longer-term organization and communication of activities? I'd compile a list of examples with evidence and then a short list of the way you need things to change. Ie how many weeks' notice you want for each event. What channels of communication you would like to see used. If you know other parents who feel the same you could get them on board first and then say you are acting as a representative of all of them, to put more weight behind your requests.

Set a date when you will check in with them on the preparation and implementation of the new approach so you can hold them to it.

Things like Xmas and sports day stuff could be set in advance but with the proviso they may need to be changed if circumstances change e.g weather or staff absence.

Little things like assemies may not. I understand how you feel. As a full time teacher I have missed most of my kids' events. However it is just part of being a working parent.

Evening performances of stuff is a bit unrealistic. Many of the kids would not be available. The parents would say that they didn't have to attend in the evening.

Suggest that in future years, you book a couple of days off in key weeks (end of term weeks) , then cancel or swap what you don’t need when confirmed dates come through. Agree it is so sad to miss performances.it means so much to the children. No reason why school can’t plan for key performances at beginning of school year

Yes, that's true. I was thinking my working parents made it to my evening nativities way back when, BUT...school assemblies were just assemblies, not awards ceremonies for the parents to attend. There was none of this 'weekly certificate' stuff, there were end of year awards held on ONE evening. ONE play a year.
And I don't think teachers were so overloaded then as they are now.

I’m so sorry that I don’t know weeks in advance that your little darling will do good work that week so I can pre-write and date 30 certificates and invite you 6 months in advance!

We have performances in the evening for this reason. YANBU.

I completely sympathise about missing these events, but it’s also unreasonable to expect children to come back to school in the evening too. I certainly wouldn’t be bringing my child back in the evening to perform. I actually think more than one performance is too much. They’ve already spent weeks rehearsing. Completely agree that dates should be set for the year ahead in September though. Our school has done this for the first time this year and it’s been great. Sadly no awards assemblies at our school though.

Our school gives us some notice. It's generally not enough for me because my work commitments get booked up several months in advance, but that's not their fault.

It's really hard and you end up feeling guilty, as a teacher I've never been able to attend Christmas events, sports days, drop my children off or pick them up. Is there another family member that can go to it, that's what I used to do.
I do understand from the schools perspective though that it would be unreasonable to expect staff to do multiple evening events on top of their already massive workload. All you can do is speak to school and see if big events can be published on the school calendar at the start of the year.

Surely an evening is much more inconvenient for most people? Extra hours for the kids and teachers added to their day. Tired kids. Disruption to their dinner, and if you had other children a disruption to them too, and you'd have to take them with you. Some parents would still be working anyway. That just doesn't make any sense at all.

Because the world doesn't revolve around you, and your very particular set of circumstances?

In my school I the dark ages (90's-00's) the tings parents were strongly encouraged to come were in the afternoon and evenings. Things during day they didn't really expect parents to come and often were not even invited. But I do think school needs to give more notice. I do a hobby and we use school gyms. This year they gave notice on Thursday that the school needs their own gym for all of December. Would have been nice to get the notice more than day in advance since quite a lot of different clubs use it.

My experience as a teacher and a parent, was that we’d have one afternoon and one evening performance. The children were very often tired in the evening, so less enthusiasm for the performance. There was often a dress rehearsal in the afternoon, so younger siblings could attend.

If it’s not suitable in the afternoon and not suitable in the evening, it’s hard to know what would suit. The short notice is annoying, of course, but Christmas performances come round once a year, so why not ask early in the term for dates.

I’ve been to plays as a grandparent, when parents weren’t able to go. The children, of course, want you there, but if they have some family members, someone they recognise, they’re usually pleased.

Star of the week, was always just a normal assembly and was always, always a different child each week.

Our Nativity is one morning and two evenings, works just fine.

Our school doesn't invite parents for weekly stuff but I agree about performances etc. Even if it's in the evening I often can't make them due to work commitments whereas when I get dates at the start of term I book the time out of my diary

She’s trying to. But was refused.

The issue you have is the short notice, which you should raise with the school. (Perhaps when you've calmed down a bit so you do it in a polite and constructive way.)
School events are inevitably going to largely fall within the school day, because that is when teachers work.
I'm a teacher and didn't go to a single sports day for either of my children, but be fair, Christmas plays etc did tend to be in the evening. Are you saying absolutely everything is within school hours? I'd be surprised if that is the case.
The certificate assembly thing is unfortunate, but the staff will only decide the day before who deserves it that week. You just have to explain to your child that mummy does an important job and whilst you would love to be there you just can't. As she gets older she'll understand, and you are a great role model for her.

All ours are on strike action so all plays are school times. Yep it sucks

Ours too.

I’m so sorry, that’s so tough. Could you try and get some other parents on board for a joint approach to the school about giving more notice?

totally reasonable, but because it’s short notice, and because teachers of all people know that you can’t always “just take leave” to attend things during the working day, it’s utterly unreasonable if the teachers then say to the kids “ooh and we’ve invited your parents so they’ll see you getting a certificate”. I’m sure most are much more tactful than that. But some aren’t, and it’s not unreasonable to hope that they’d help manage expectations.