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Original poster

No food

218 replies

cherrychapstickk · 01/12/2023 18:07

hello,

As the title says really.

My 2 and 3 year old have been taken out for the afternoon by their aunt and uncle.

They ended up having them for around 4 and a half hours, I expected around 2 but they said they got carried away.

Once they'd left 3 year old burst into tears saying she was hungry (they normally have dinner at around 5) and it turns out (i checked with auntie) they've not eaten with them at all.

Had I known they were going to be 4 hours I'd of packed some food but as I didn't know and they got carried away, am I unreasonable for thinking its quite harsh not to offer your young nieces any food?

I cannot imagine having any of their children, especially at such a young age, for that duration of time and covering dinner time and not offering anything to eat whatsoever.

OP posts:
Penaeus · 01/12/2023 20:30

i would always get kids a snack if in my company and ask them if they are hungry

I can guarantee that at least one of my DC would have been "absolutely starving" if an adult had offered them a snack which was appealing enough.

I forgot to mention "opportunism" in my list of "why children say they are hungry".

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 20:30

Penaeus · 01/12/2023 19:54

I think you mean "fumming".

Honestly, MN spelling has gone down the drain.

Show quote history

What’s fumming?

Devilsmommy · 01/12/2023 20:30

cherrychapstickk · 01/12/2023 18:50

no snacks, I said no food not no meals.

I wasn't expecting meals, was just a bit surprised they'd had nothing in 4.5/5 hours, especially as they'd been walking around the markets/lights for a while.

I dunno, I don't think they've done it deliberately but just seems a bit of a while for such young kids to go with nothing and not something I'd do but it looks like I'm in the minority there which is fine :)

No you are absolutely right. My little one has snacks between his meals so never goes over 2 hours without something. Little tummies need smaller portions but more often. I completely see why you're pissed off

Penaeus · 01/12/2023 20:31

Rather than being neglect to not feed a child with constant snacks I would suggest it's neglect to stuff a child with snacks all day

I would agree with this, not least because nobody is bothering to find out what is actually going on with them.

Bit of a whinge? Here, have a snack.

Tired? Here, have another snack.

Bored? Oh, have another one.

Want to go home? Fine, but let's have a snack first.

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 20:32

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 20:30

What’s fumming?

Show quote history

More angry than normal fuming and stamped out on the keyboard usually on facebook

Along with 'discusted'

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 20:32

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/12/2023 20:12

Preschoolers stomachs are too small to get all their nutritional requirements from only 3 meals a day. That is why they need at least 2 healthy snacks between meals such as fruit. And yes I do think it’s neglect to deny children their basic needs.

Do you think if they didn’t have the snacks they might be more inclined to take sufficient nutrition on board at mealtimes? Also mealtimes should be nutrient dense to enable this.

Penaeus · 01/12/2023 20:32

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 20:32

More angry than normal fuming and stamped out on the keyboard usually on facebook

Along with 'discusted'

Show quote history

😂

Pinkpinkpink15 · 01/12/2023 20:33

@cherrychapstickk it's hardly surprising your elderly, childless relatives didn't feed your 4 children for a fortnight. It's your fault for not feeding them the entire week beforehand. Expecting childcare is unreasonable!!

OR

Glad you've sorted it.

im not entering the 'to snack or not to snack debate'. I have a drink waiting for me!!

but I'll just say I'm surprised they didn't come home too full for dinner from a Christmas market!!

Daisies12 · 01/12/2023 20:35

I wouldn’t think anything of that, they had lunch before they left and back for dinner? It’s not healthy how much kids (or anyone) expect to snack nowadays

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/12/2023 20:38

Morning tea (which is between breakfast and lunch) and afternoon tea (which is between lunch and dinner) is not what any rational person would consider stuffing your children with snacks all day long. And yes they absolutely do need to be offered morning tea or afternoon tea.

And morning/afternoon tea is not some recent modern new trend. Nor is the cause of obesity. That you can blame on junk food.

FWIW social workers when investigating a family do check the fridge and cupboards to not only make sure that there is adequate food for meals but they also check for adequate snack foods too. So, yes not providing for snacks is considered neglect.

bellac11 · 01/12/2023 20:40

I do check fridge and cupboards for food.

Not snacking (as long as the child is being fed adequately) is not neglect!!!

StarlightLime · 01/12/2023 20:43

Morning tea... That's a new one on me. Did any of your children emerge from toddlerhood normal sized, @ImustLearn2Cook ?

StarlightLime · 01/12/2023 20:45

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/12/2023 20:38

Morning tea (which is between breakfast and lunch) and afternoon tea (which is between lunch and dinner) is not what any rational person would consider stuffing your children with snacks all day long. And yes they absolutely do need to be offered morning tea or afternoon tea.

And morning/afternoon tea is not some recent modern new trend. Nor is the cause of obesity. That you can blame on junk food.

FWIW social workers when investigating a family do check the fridge and cupboards to not only make sure that there is adequate food for meals but they also check for adequate snack foods too. So, yes not providing for snacks is considered neglect.

What is "snack" food as opposed to "meal" food? And can social services really tell the difference?! (How did you find out?)
This is getting weirder and weirder.

Penaeus · 01/12/2023 20:46

FWIW social workers when investigating a family do check the fridge and cupboards to not only make sure that there is adequate food for meals but they also check for adequate snack foods too. So, yes not providing for snacks is considered neglect

Rather than continuing to dig this hole for yourself, you'd be better admitting that parents who don't let their children snack all day are not necessarily "neglectful".

If children are constantly deprived of food, or if food is used as a means of coercion, or if children are only ever given Pop Tarts and Pot Noodles, then something is wrong. But if a family has a well-stocked fridge and cupboards, provides three nutritional meals and plenty to drink every day, with 'extras' if a child has been doing something particularly energetic or has to wait a particularly long time for their normal dinner (for example), you cannot possibly even begin to think that this family is neglectful.

There are plenty of astonishingly neglectful parents who let their children snack. There are plenty of astonishingly good parents who don't.
There are also plenty of astonishingly good parents who do let their children snack, and plenty of astonishingly neglectful parents who don't.

I hope you don't seriously think that "neglect" = "lack of access to snacks".

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/12/2023 20:46

We are talking about 2 -3 year olds here. It is based on their age and stage of development, their biology. They do need to be fed more frequently than 3 main meals a day. And their portion sizes are often smaller at this age and stage of development based on their biology.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2023 20:46

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/12/2023 20:38

Morning tea (which is between breakfast and lunch) and afternoon tea (which is between lunch and dinner) is not what any rational person would consider stuffing your children with snacks all day long. And yes they absolutely do need to be offered morning tea or afternoon tea.

And morning/afternoon tea is not some recent modern new trend. Nor is the cause of obesity. That you can blame on junk food.

FWIW social workers when investigating a family do check the fridge and cupboards to not only make sure that there is adequate food for meals but they also check for adequate snack foods too. So, yes not providing for snacks is considered neglect.

Afternoon tea was invented by the Duchess of Bedford because at that time her social circle didn’t eat until 8 or 9 pm. Some children might get peckish and a snack won’t kill them or even give them diabetes if sensibly chosen; but it’s hardly neglect if healthily fed children can make it from one square meal to the next.

dogvcat · 01/12/2023 20:50

Don’t know why so many were pilling on you @cherrychapstickk, I don’t think you were being unreasonable to expect them to have had a snack.

I have a 4 year old dgd. If I had her out for the afternoon she would be asking for something to eat by the time we had been out for 2 hours, never mind 4 / 5 hours.

In fact I did have her out to see Santa a few days ago. We went out at 12.30pm and ended up in a cafe by 2pm for drink and cake. Then she was hungry again by 4pm, so went to Greggs, for something to eat. I also had her for (a little later than usual) dinner, along with her parents, which she ate as well.

She normally has a mid morning and an afternoon snack, as well as her usual meals, which I think a lot of small children, including yours seem to do. Glad it’s all been cleared up now and was just an oversight.

Wrongsideofpennines · 01/12/2023 20:52

My almost 3 year old would be fine with this gap. We often eat tea when dad is home so gone 6pm. If they were really hungry they would ask for food.

At that age children may also tell you they've not eaten when they definitely have. Time is a tricky concept for them so make sure they really hadn't eaten before you complain to their aunt and uncle.

ImustLearn2Cook · 01/12/2023 20:53

https://www.eatright.org/food/planning/meals-and-snacks/when-should-my-kids-snack

When Should My Kids SnackContributors: Jo Ellen Shield, MED RD LD
Published: March 04, 2019
Reviewed: January 11, 2021

When Should Kids Snack?Most children and teens need to eat every three to four hours throughout the day to fuel their growing, active bodies and meet their MyPlate daily food plan. This translates into the following:

  • Younger kids need to eat three meals and at least two snacks a day.
  • Older kids need to eat three meals and at least one snack a day (they may need two snacks if they're going through a growth spurt or if they are very physically active).

When Should My Kids Snack

Unplanned, random snacking interferes with kids' appetites and can disrupt their natural instinct to experience hunger and fullness. But well-timed snacks can actually help kids achieve a healthy weight.

https://www.eatright.org/food/planning/meals-and-snacks/when-should-my-kids-snack

Penaeus · 01/12/2023 20:54

Is "pilling" related to "fumming"?

grumpycow1 · 01/12/2023 20:58

I don’t think I’ve ever had a kid in my house without offering them a drink and snack. Even if it’s just some mini cheddars, chopped veg, raisins, fruit, whatever I have in. So that’s very weird. Especially that they have kids!

otherwise I think it’s ok they didn’t give dinner as they could just eat a bit later when home.

Cas112 · 01/12/2023 21:00

I would have always asked the child if they wanted some food for was hungry at least one in having them for 4hrs

So I can understand your frustration

And this would have been before I even had a child

mantyzer · 01/12/2023 21:02

Snacks are a cultural convention. I think in the UK most children never feel really hungry and I am not convinced this is good. Not eating until you are hungry helps regulate appetite. Snacks bypass this natural appetite regulation.
Plenty of other countries do not give children snacks.

mantyzer · 01/12/2023 21:03

@ImustLearn2Cook that article is absolute rubbish. You only have to look at the fact that lots of different cultures do it very differently.

HappyMavis · 01/12/2023 21:04

Penaeus · 01/12/2023 19:54

I think you mean "fumming".

Honestly, MN spelling has gone down the drain.

Show quote history

Now I'm ragging.