AIBU to look forward to child free christmases in the future?

[wendall456]

AIBU to actually think that the lead up to Christmas is far more enjoyable before children or maybe when the children have left home? I haven't enjoyed Christmas for years - all starts when we put up the Christmas tree - the family arguments are the worst on 30th Nov/1st December kids are early teens but like control of the tree decorating- I was really nervous about tonight and as predicted all has gone wrong again if it was just me and DH we would just put the tree up and be done with it. It is also the constant carol services and christmas parties for the children then there is the 2 christmas parties for DH and I and having to work out logistics. I adored christmas before I had children and I know I won't be popular for saying it but having children around dulls the magic for me. I know it is all about the children and I have to put them first which I do and I do make it special for them but in a selfish way I hate the stress it brings. I would love to put the tree up of an evening have a mooch around a christmas market have a leisurely lunch with DH but without the children arguing. When they were little I was expecting magical times and every year I thought it would get better and more magical but no it is and always has been the most stressful day of the year for me. I have friends who say christmases are so magical when you have children but I have tried to find sense in this for years and have failed. I was a real christmas lover before children but having children has really dulled the magic for me. I feel guilty for admitting it and please be honest are there other people who feel this way? So here I go I am going to say it...... I can't wait to have a child free christmas so I can get that magic back. When I spoke to my mum today she said she enjoys christmas or the lead up to it far more now than when we lived at home..

Honestly. I just love Christmas. Christmas pre kids was fun. Christmas with DS is fun. I just love Christmas.

I think it's down to what you make of it and the expectations you place on it and how much pressure you put yourself under.

That's not particularly children related in the sense that children are the problem. The problem is you put more stress on yourself to have this non existent 'perfect' Christmas which isn't achievable...

In my experience anything with teens involves rows and sulking.

Mine are now 22 and we only had the odd snappy word last Christmas which I count as a win!

Bonkers
Absolute crap

Be careful what you wish for. I loved Christmasses as a child, and I loved Christmasses WITH my children. Now they have left home, it's just me and DH. And although we enjoy Christmas/the food/the drink/the fairy lights/the tree/the presents/Christingle/Carol Service/seeing family for a few hours etc - the magic has gone. I am hoping it will come back when we have grandchildren.

I enjoy child free Christmasses, but I enjoyed them with children more.

What is the tree issue? Does it have to be perfect? My kids are teens. I'll stick the tree up tomorrow, put a box of decs out and they chuck them on. It will look like a bomb went off in the garden centre. Why does it matter if its insta perfect or not? Why can you not go to a Christmas market? You dont have to drag teenagers around with you. Do they even want to go? I'm not sure what Christmas 'magic' is as an adult! Glorified Sunday lunch? The magic of Christmas surely is the Santa and kids christmas parties and going to the grotto and leaving out stockings and mince pies on Christmas eve thatcare magically filled in the morning Surely as an adult it's just a day off work where you see your family and stuff your face all day. Not really 'magic'

It is stressful but it does get easier.

Perhaps keep things simpler if you can. I don't buy into everything and take lots of shortcuts to make things easier.

This 100% . I think by next year 2 of my 3 will be living long haul flights away,so I am so thankful we now have a Grandchild ,
Cannot imagine Christmas on our own TBH, because I have always loved it along with the chaos !

You want to get rid of your kids so you can enjoy Christmas?

I know right. It's a bit sad isn't it?

Awwww, lucky you having a grandchild! Mine 2 'kids' are only mid 20s, so I think it may be a little while yet, and they only left 4-5 years ago, so we haven't had too many Christmasses with just us two. Hoping to have grandkids (but would never push our kids to have kids obvs!)

Go to the market with dh. Its overcrowded and over priced so probably not what you expect. Your teens can surely be left for an afternoon?

Let them decorate the tree then fix later if it bothers you.

@wendall456

I have friends who say christmases are so magical when you have children but I have tried to find sense in this for years and have failed. I was a real christmas lover before children but having children has really dulled the magic for me. I feel guilty for admitting it and please be honest are there other people who feel this way? So here I go I am going to say it...... I can't wait to have a child free christmas so I can get that magic back. When I spoke to my mum today she said she enjoys christmas or the lead up to it far more now than when we lived at home..

This is so sad.

And your mum said she enjoys Christmas now you have left? I wonder if this has soured your view about Christmas with children? Christmas with children is wonderful! The magic is not there without them IMO.

Could you get them a small artificial tree each for their bedrooms that they can decorate however they want, and you get to decorate the 'main' tree? Are they old enough to leave home alone (or threaten to if they don't behave) while you go off and enjoy a Christmas market without them?

I agree that the admin/logistics of having to remember who has a nativity play rehearsal/play performance/Christmas party/Christmas jumper day/Christmas fayre, etc, etc, is pretty shit and December is probably my least favourite month in the school calendar.

If your kids are early teens surly they can be left alone while you and DH go to the markets and for lunch?

Hardly anyone in my extended family ...sibling, cousins, etc. ... has had children. My cousin's daughter-in-law is pregnant now with the first child to be born into this family in 30 years.

We love it!!!! We have really festive, elegant Christmases with beautiful decor, fun activites in December like West End plays, nice meals out or at our homes, going to carol concerts etc. I personally have nine steel racks of Christmas decor in the garage, and more in the loft, and turn my home into a Dickensian / Victorian immersive experience, LOL.

Love the baking of sweet and savoury treats, planning nice menus, cocktails, candles, outings forth and back to one another's homes for chocolate or cocktails. Christmas movies (classic black-and-white, not Elf or that ilk), music, garden walks.

On Christmas Day we all dress up in our finery and continue the champagne-fest that begins around the 23rd-Boxing Day, plus nice presents before the fire, at the home of the designated host that year. Sometimes we even foxtrot to jazz Christmas music.

It's just three or four indulgent weeks and honestly I seriously cannot recall a Christmas Day that I last saw anyone under 25, other than maybe a neighbour's kids popping in briefly with treats.

A kid-centric, hectic, plastic-toy oriented Christmas is our idea of hell on earth. Though the grandma-to-be is rather excited about her upcoming grandson. It's likely to be the only kid of that generation; there are only five in its parents' generation and the other four are single & say they are firmly childfree, so this little boy will have to catch on quick. We'll have him quaffing champagne, wearing black tie, quoting "A Christmas Carol" and eating beef wellington by the time he's four, LOL.

I think there's maybe two halves to this, one half is how much are you responsible for? Is the Christmas load split evenly between yourself and your dh or are you being left to take on an unreasonable additional workload on top of the everyday norm? That would ruin it for anyone.

Secondly, I think there's maybe something about managing expectations. You can't control how kids react to things or that they will see and appreciate the value of a particular moment that's valuable to you. They will have arguments and still be themselves even at Christmas.

Do you have anyone that would babysit so you and your dh can do the Xmas Market mooch about? Creating those wee moments for yourself is an important part of keeping the balance.

YANBU I make Christmas as magical as possible for our 3 but I don't enjoy it at all, so stressful.

As a positive for my children, I'll be the inlaw that doesn't demand a visit on Christmas day!

I can't relate to this at all. We have 2 dc under 6 and I love indulging them at this time of year. I love all the Christmas events and activities - we've got loads booked and there isn't enough time to see all the theatre shows and Santa experiences I want to take them to. It can be stressful but just because there's so much going on.

This. Completely. Right down to hoping it homes back with the grandchildren!

I have no idea how anyone enjoys Christmas without kids . I love Christmas because I love buying for the kids and do things for and with them

Our babies are all grown up with babies of their own. There is a general assumption that we will be thrilled to spend our Christmas lovingly gazing as the grandchildren become completely feral opening mountains of presents and eating far too much sugar. Secretly we would love to potter off for a Christmas holiday in a moderately posh, adults only hotel where all the food is provided and there is no clearing up or tidying toys. I'm not sure we will ever be able to swing it but just once would be lovely

I didn’t really bother much with Christmas before having a kid. Now it has more purpose and seeing a kid excited about all things Christmas-y has made it more magical for me. But I also decided to have one child as I can’t stand all the bickering and chaos that come with more than one.

I hate Christmas now my kids are grown up/late teens!

I would love to be able to enjoy it with carol services and nativity's and someone who believes in Santa again.

You are trying too hard. Teenagers aren't really interested in Christmas. Leave them to it and go shopping etc on your own. I will say that you really should be grateful for being blessed with a healthy family. Hundreds of parents in the UK will be facing their first Christmas since a child died - think of the families of the boys who died 2 weeks ago in a car crash in Wales or the many kids that die from cancer or suicide. You will have many child free Christmases in the future anyway.