Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

AIBU to look forward to child free christmases in the future?

147 replies

wendall456 · 30/11/2023 22:43

AIBU to actually think that the lead up to Christmas is far more enjoyable before children or maybe when the children have left home? I haven't enjoyed Christmas for years - all starts when we put up the Christmas tree - the family arguments are the worst on 30th Nov/1st December kids are early teens but like control of the tree decorating- I was really nervous about tonight and as predicted all has gone wrong again if it was just me and DH we would just put the tree up and be done with it. It is also the constant carol services and christmas parties for the children then there is the 2 christmas parties for DH and I and having to work out logistics. I adored christmas before I had children and I know I won't be popular for saying it but having children around dulls the magic for me. I know it is all about the children and I have to put them first which I do and I do make it special for them but in a selfish way I hate the stress it brings. I would love to put the tree up of an evening have a mooch around a christmas market have a leisurely lunch with DH but without the children arguing. When they were little I was expecting magical times and every year I thought it would get better and more magical but no it is and always has been the most stressful day of the year for me. I have friends who say christmases are so magical when you have children but I have tried to find sense in this for years and have failed. I was a real christmas lover before children but having children has really dulled the magic for me. I feel guilty for admitting it and please be honest are there other people who feel this way? So here I go I am going to say it...... I can't wait to have a child free christmas so I can get that magic back. When I spoke to my mum today she said she enjoys christmas or the lead up to it far more now than when we lived at home..

OP posts:

mydogisthebest · 02/12/2023 20:51

housethatbuiltme · 02/12/2023 17:40

I'll be heartbroken a bit every xmas when my kids have flown the nest (I won't impose on them though, they can have their family in peace without 'whose turn is it to have mam' drama) so I assume me and DH will distract ourselves with something else like a holiday and pretend its not xmas.

I honestly do not for the life of me get what adults get out of Xmas without children. I ADORED Xmas as a child, DESPISED it as a young adult (actually made me horrifically depressed) and then LOVED it again once I had kids.

Without kids at most its just Sunday lunch with whatever lose ends are left with no where else to go and it's really nothing fun. Before I had kids I wish I could have just skipped the whole thing (but didn't have money back then to jet off somewhere warm etc...).

As I said before, me and DH absolutely love Christmas. We love spending Christmas Day with my family. We play games, we chat, we laugh a lot. We spend ages opening presents sitting in a circle and only one person at a time opening so we can all see what they get.

The day goes far too quickly and that is with everyone leaving at about 2am.

I find it strange and a bit sad that people can't enjoy Christmas without children.

Nospecialcharactersplease · 02/12/2023 21:21

LaurieStrode · 30/11/2023 23:40

Hardly anyone in my extended family ...sibling, cousins, etc. ... has had children. My cousin's daughter-in-law is pregnant now with the first child to be born into this family in 30 years.

We love it!!!! We have really festive, elegant Christmases with beautiful decor, fun activites in December like West End plays, nice meals out or at our homes, going to carol concerts etc. I personally have nine steel racks of Christmas decor in the garage, and more in the loft, and turn my home into a Dickensian / Victorian immersive experience, LOL.

Love the baking of sweet and savoury treats, planning nice menus, cocktails, candles, outings forth and back to one another's homes for chocolate or cocktails. Christmas movies (classic black-and-white, not Elf or that ilk), music, garden walks.

On Christmas Day we all dress up in our finery and continue the champagne-fest that begins around the 23rd-Boxing Day, plus nice presents before the fire, at the home of the designated host that year. Sometimes we even foxtrot to jazz Christmas music.

It's just three or four indulgent weeks and honestly I seriously cannot recall a Christmas Day that I last saw anyone under 25, other than maybe a neighbour's kids popping in briefly with treats.

A kid-centric, hectic, plastic-toy oriented Christmas is our idea of hell on earth. Though the grandma-to-be is rather excited about her upcoming grandson. It's likely to be the only kid of that generation; there are only five in its parents' generation and the other four are single & say they are firmly childfree, so this little boy will have to catch on quick. We'll have him quaffing champagne, wearing black tie, quoting "A Christmas Carol" and eating beef wellington by the time he's four, LOL.

Hello, please tell me how I can apply to join your family. I’ve had a good run of child-free family life for a few decades but I fear it’s all going to change as several siblings have recently married. I am not looking forward to the plastic xylophone years at all.

Utterbunkum · 02/12/2023 22:49

@housethatbuiltme but surely you see your kids 365 days a year when they are young. What do you really do on Christmas day apart from presents that you can't do every other day of the year, if it comes to that? Isn't it still cold and wet with kids?

Yes, there's the whole 'magic of Santa' bit, but they grow out of that. So there's actually very little about the actual DAY that isn't just a Sunday dinner when you have kids. You.play games you could play any other day, or see people you could have seen at any time.
All of your arguments apply with kids as well, surely? I have certainly got friends who, when their kids were small, moaned about Christmas, all the work and hype for what was, for them, a day full of cooking and clearing up, to thankfully sit down with a glass of wine in front of the TV after the little ones went to bed.

I love Christmas. I oved it as a child. I love it as a childless adult, because all of the things I loved about it as a child are still there, even if many of the people I spent it with as a child are no longer with us. It's not the presents. It's not Santa. It wasn't when I was a kid. It's a moment in time when, yes, you do things you could do any day of the year, but you don't. Not like you do at Christmas. IF you make the effort to make it special. Kids might give some people who need it the incentive to make it special, but they don't make it special simply by their existence.

The joy of my childhood Christmases was made by everyone there. Some of my childhood friends had boring Christmases after presents were opened because nobody made it special.
Same applies to child free adults.

LaurieStrode · 02/12/2023 23:15

Well said, @Utterbunkum !!

LaurieStrode · 02/12/2023 23:16

Haha, @Nospecialcharactersplease
The more the merrier!

Makemydaypunk · 03/12/2023 00:09

OldTinHat · 01/12/2023 06:33

Christmas was much better with children. They've left home now and spend Christmas with their partners' families, so I'm on my own. I don't bother putting up decorations or cook myself a special lunch. It's just another day. I can go the whole holiday period without seeing or speaking to another person.

I’m sorry you are alone at Christmas @OldTinHat it’s a shame your children don’t spend the occasional Christmas with you, that must be hard where I live they are advertising get togethers for people who are on their own at Christmas and who would like company, maybe worth exploring?

Samlewis96 · 03/12/2023 01:00

Tryingmybestadhd · 01/12/2023 00:09

I have no idea how anyone enjoys Christmas without kids . I love Christmas because I love buying for the kids and do things for and with them

Didn't you like Xmas before kidsthen?

Samlewis96 · 03/12/2023 01:02

DianaTiana · 01/12/2023 16:41

Please tell us why decorating the tree evokes arguments.

If the kids are like my eldest 2 they could argue over anything

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2023 01:07

IntoAThousandPieces · 02/12/2023 13:42

Has OP been back?

I’ve always enjoyed Christmas whatever my circumstances have been. I think my favourite Christmas times have been when our children were little though, with all their excitement. Now they’re older, it’s still lovely though, they love Christmas, our oldest will be home from uni and we have lots planned together and with friends.

OP hasn't been back. SHOCKER. Not.

SheAnn · 03/12/2023 19:12

I’m the exact opposite I adored Xmas when my daughters were little and loved all the parties, carol concerts, pantomimes etc with them. Even when they were teenagers and we would play silly games and went for meals. When they all left home Xmas seemed a bit dull as they had their own partners and their family to enjoy it and I had to share them. However now we have a little grandson it’s now a joy all over again and I’m so looking forward to it.

Segway16 · 03/12/2023 22:00

It is harder with kids cause you’re creating joy for someone else. If you have no break or support then yeah, it can be hard. Sounds like you need a support system.

susiedaisy1912 · 03/12/2023 22:09

Christmas with small children fun but absolutely exhausting.
Christmas and most other celebrations with teenagers is a ball ache with the sulking and lack of willingness to participate.
Christmas with adult children is lovely.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 04/12/2023 03:50

blackfluffycat · 02/12/2023 12:19

I can't tell if you are being serious

Show quote history

Why would she not be serious? It sounds like an absolutely fantastic Christmas!

Bobsledgirl · 04/12/2023 03:58

Teenagers can easily ruin a day! Also, stop overthinking it. It’s a nice day. There’s no ‘ magic’. It’s a nice day that you create yourself.

I like Xmas but some years are better than others. Loved it as a kid, great when the kids were little, it’s less of a big deal with teens.

Just go with the flow is my suggestion. Constantly striving for the perfect Xmas is futile. Just try and have a nice day.

garlictwist · 04/12/2023 05:25

DH and I have no kids (through choice) and have never bothered with a tree or decorations. Seems a bit pointless for just adults! I assumed it's only kids that get excited for Christmas so your view seems a bit odd. Kids usually bring the magic not take it away.

mydogisthebest · 04/12/2023 08:11

garlictwist · 04/12/2023 05:25

Me and DH always have a tree and it has to be a real one. We decorate the tree and our living room. We have lots of lights in our front garden too. It's not pointless and we know quite a few couples without children who have a tree and decorations.

I still get quite excited for Christmas

SkankingWombat · 04/12/2023 09:36

Nospecialcharactersplease · 02/12/2023 21:21

Show quote history

It's a bit trickier as they won't be your own DCs so you can't set the tone, but it is perfectly possible that quieter, chilled out Christmas days will stay. My childhood Christmases were magical and full of excitement but never crazy, manic or noisy. Now I have DCs of my own and it is very similar. I found they slot in with the mood around them, with the exception of Christmas eve night, when they can get a bit overexcited with the anticipation if we don't get out of the house and busy them.

And the good news is IME the only people who buy DCs annoyingly loud (and/or oversized) toys are Aunts, Uncles, and Godparents, so that part is largely in your hands! No parent in their right mind would buy their DC a xylophone, whether it's a multicoloured plastic monstrosity or beautifully handcrafted and wooden 😬

Robbee · 04/12/2023 10:11

Looks like nobody posting so far has any idea that Christmas is actually a religious festival, not just a commercial feast.
If you are not an active Christian what are you actually doing anything special for?

HelenTherese2 · 04/12/2023 10:13

Put your tree up, leave the kids with the box of decorations and go to the Xmas markets with your DH.

It sounds to me like you have high expectations and want everything to be perfect. It won’t be and kids are also d*ckheads at that age.

I miss having younger children at Christmas as we don’t really have a build up to Xmas anymore. No visits to pick the tree, no school concerts, no silly hats to make. My kids both just go out drinking with their friends. It’s just a bit flat and grown up now.

BluesBird19764 · 04/12/2023 13:46

😀

JaneFarrier · 05/12/2023 10:32

@titchy yes, teens do have carol concerts. My kids are in school choirs as were my siblings and I, and the amount of singing (and rehearsing for it) can be... a lot.

JaneFarrier · 05/12/2023 10:45

I don't hate Christmas with children, but I do look forward to the days when they are a bit more independent, as currently a lot of the load is on me. I have kids, and many nieces and nephews, and they're all under 13. Between shopping, decorating on a relatively modest level, taking the kids around to their various parties, activities and concerts, Church commitments which are lovely but busy, and dealing with my own children's excitement and sometimes overwhelm (they are both ND) I am usually completely exhausted. A couple of times my husband turned the alarm off so I could sleep in on Christmas morning but let the children open their presents, which I found very upsetting - he has now been told, in no uncertain terms, that I don't WANT sleep over being part of Christmas morning. Sure I know what's in the presents, but that's not the point!

So yeah. I quite look forward to when we will all be adults (or at least older teenagers!) and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'd like to have some time for contemplation in there.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6