AIBU to look forward to child free christmases in the future?

[wendall456]

AIBU to actually think that the lead up to Christmas is far more enjoyable before children or maybe when the children have left home? I haven't enjoyed Christmas for years - all starts when we put up the Christmas tree - the family arguments are the worst on 30th Nov/1st December kids are early teens but like control of the tree decorating- I was really nervous about tonight and as predicted all has gone wrong again if it was just me and DH we would just put the tree up and be done with it. It is also the constant carol services and christmas parties for the children then there is the 2 christmas parties for DH and I and having to work out logistics. I adored christmas before I had children and I know I won't be popular for saying it but having children around dulls the magic for me. I know it is all about the children and I have to put them first which I do and I do make it special for them but in a selfish way I hate the stress it brings. I would love to put the tree up of an evening have a mooch around a christmas market have a leisurely lunch with DH but without the children arguing. When they were little I was expecting magical times and every year I thought it would get better and more magical but no it is and always has been the most stressful day of the year for me. I have friends who say christmases are so magical when you have children but I have tried to find sense in this for years and have failed. I was a real christmas lover before children but having children has really dulled the magic for me. I feel guilty for admitting it and please be honest are there other people who feel this way? So here I go I am going to say it...... I can't wait to have a child free christmas so I can get that magic back. When I spoke to my mum today she said she enjoys christmas or the lead up to it far more now than when we lived at home..

We all have different experiences, but I loved Christmases when mine were little, even the Christmas Eve when they missed being an angel and a sheep in the Nativity, because DS fell over and needed stitches ( DD spent the evening at a friend’s house and had a lovely time). 😂

The early teens are challenging though, def. more argumentative. Mine are 15 & 18 now and much more considerate.

I absolutely love Christmas.
I loved it before kids and it was just me in my flat,now I love it with DH and kids.
Agree with a pp, Christmas is what you make it.

I have the best of both worlds, I think, as I share childcare with my exH 50/50 and we alternate Christmases.

It's lovely having the kids here and seeing them live all the magic - even the teen hasn't quite let go of their childhood yet around this time and likes a cozy Advent feeling.

On the other hand, I'm not going to deny how much I'm looking forward to this Christmas on my own. Salmon and champagne in the morning, a small roast cut in the evening, but the rest of the time the plan is to cuddle up on the sofa with a book I've been wanting to finish for ages, and its follow-up and final book in the series that I've been wanting to get through. Undisturbed, quiet time.

But the reason I'm going to enjoy it so much is because I know I will get the joy of a Christmas with kids again the next year.

For a lot of parents, the joy they get is from seeing their children enjoy Christmas, rather than them actually enjoying Christmas in itself. I think that is your issue, maybe. You want to enjoy Christmas for Christmas and don't really get second-hand enjoyment from seeing your children enjoy it, so now it is mostly just a chore and a period of servitude to please everyone else.

I've never liked Christmas. I can't see past the propaganda and grand scale manipulation of it. People lose their minds over it. It angers me so much. It was at least easier to ignore before children. Now it is something I have to grin and bear for their sake.

Christmas was much better with children. They've left home now and spend Christmas with their partners' families, so I'm on my own. I don't bother putting up decorations or cook myself a special lunch. It's just another day. I can go the whole holiday period without seeing or speaking to another person.

Can I have your life please? 😁

I've always loved Christmas but since having DS they are better than ever. It's so much more magical.

@LaurieStrode can I please have an invite?

I love Christmas. For years I was the only one with children in my extended family now there are a couple. I’m relishing not having small children about in my house. I don’t get the idea it’s just for children though. I really dislike the idea that only those with children know the magic of Christmas. Getting up at 4 to see if Santa has been. No thank you!

Some how or other you are doing it wrong. Christmas can be fun for you too!
Explain a bit more and see if we can help.

What’s causing the arguments?

Balancing all the events can be a bit wearing- but should be manageable.

I miss the Christmas’ we had when the children were young. Writing letters to Santa, nativities, Carol concerts, church services, 4am wake up calls, the mound of presents, sneaking downstairs to put the presents out. Now they live in the bedroom or are out with friends. The magic disappears for me.

I loved Xmas when my dcs were children... but we did our own thing, no turkey dinner or extended family around. Wasn't stressful in the least! But I love it now they live away....we see them next week for a couple of days but it's just the 2 of us this year on the 25th..we always go walking in the morning, then to the pub and then home for whatever we want.
Xmas eve is my favourite...taking presents to dh"s gc in morning then out drinking with friends in the afternoon. Home by 7.
You don't need dcs to make Xmas fun!

I do get where you are coming from a bit. There is all the nativity/Xmas jumper/buying presents for everyone stress, then travelling round in the few weeks before visiting all the relatives. So I'm knackered by the time the day arrives. Then spending the actual day on the floor wrestling with toy packaging and batteries and trying to keep track of what they've got so we can say thank you. And the inevitable tantrum/squabble etc. Plus they are sooooo excited in the run up that I'm always a bit worried in case their main present doesn't quite match up to their expectations. And I don't even do the cooking at Xmas! (I do everything else though). It is lovely to see their excitement though. I would say it is getting calmer now - they are 9 and 6 and last year the older one spent most of the day building his new lego so there was hardly any squabbling. I don't think you said how old yours are but if they're eg 5 and 3 then maybe give it a few years?

I love Christmas with my children. Even now that the older two are teens we still have a blast decorating the tree together, going to the odd event, baking a few festive things together and having family around for a feast. But it's easy, my lot are really good kids, I really enjoy their company.

I don't feel this way at all.

I love Christmas when they still believe, the magic and excitement, visiting Santa etc.

I had two teens and that was a rubbish phase as they were so grumpy . Thankfully I have a younger one who still brings the joy.

Me and DH have been married 43 years and have no children. We both love Christmas and going to things like carol concerts, markets, looking at Christmas lights.

I never understand how some people think Christmas is pointless without children.

I always loved Christmas with my husband pre DS but it's a whole other level now. It's only as stressful as you make it.

Christmases with our adult children are lovely.

YANBU in that what you describes sounds awful and stressful but presumably your kids are like this all time, squabbling and whatnot….

so on that basis I think YABU because you are doing it wrong tbh…
id have done the tree with DH and given the kids a mini tree each to prevent fights.
christmas markets at 15,13 and 11 or whatever you can leave them at home for 2 hours and go on your own or just take the youngest.
work Xmas parties are optional just decline…
etc etc

Neither do I. It’s a very narrow view of Christmas.

What's wrong with kids decorating the tree? That's half the fun isn't it - wonky decorations, school made decorations, only part of the tree decorated.

And surely teens don't go to carol concerts?

Well now I'm convinced.🙄

As someone desperately trying to have kids, your post makes me so sad. You have no idea how hard this time of year is for people like us. I’m dreading Christmas this year. Please appreciate what you have.

YABU because you can't help how you feel. Personally, this morning with the baby reading her Xmas books and my older DD opening her advent calendar I felt the magic more than ever.

Talk to the kids about how they're making you feel, they're old enough to understand.

Did you completely lose your imagination when you had children?
Knew the smug parents would be along to lecture OP...
OP, I get it. Kids in their 30s and they still manage to get in a snit with each other after sharing a day together...