I've just made myself look so insecure and desperate haven't I?

[arghksk]

Been on 4 dates with a guy I met around 7 weeks ago (dates been slow due to my schedule). Wasn't too fussed on him at first but starting to like him and look forward to hearing from him.

However, I am aware I have an anxious attachment style but recently I have noticed a change in the tone of our texts. He still initiates equally but the texts are short, there is less banter on his side, hardly any questions etc. There's just been a change and I feel I am carrying the conversation even when he texts first.

He has said he isn't chatting or seeing anyone but of course that's really none of my business. I do wonder if he's met someone else but once again not sure if I'm just being paranoid due to my attachment style.

Tonight I sent him this text, 'Is everything okay? I feel like the tone in our messages have changed and I’m just bugging you. Just say if I am x'

He replied, 'nah just watching the football x'

I am cringing now and feel like I've made myself appear so desperate and needy now.

Have I? Is that quite a dismissive text he sent? I really don't know if I can do this. I feel so so so triggered and feel sick to my stomach. Can't eat properly as this knot in my stomach.

Struggle to see the wood from the trees, whether it's my issues or whether something is really wrong.

He wants to get laid on this upcoming "date" (and is expecting it) so he will respond to the text, believe me.

Ah you poor thing, I sympathise, I'm a chronic over thinker myself.

If it was me, I would give it until tonight to think the date was off. Don't text him anymore today, if you dont hear anything by 7 or 8 then assume it's not happening.

When would you need to cancel babysitter by?

Be the master of your own ship. If you don't want to see him tomorrow, then YOU cancel

I do want to see him tomorrow though. I was really looking forward to it. That's why I'm
Hoping he gets in touch. Usually replies by now so not looking great

He told you he was going for a wank??

And they say romance is dead.

I can't understand why you're entertaining this shyte honestly. You're no free bird ready to jump clubbing in the next couple of hours, you need to arrange childcare and this needs to be done a few days ahead. He knows but doesn't care. Please raise your standards with men OP, bin this one. You haven't slept with the guy and he's already giving you all this aggro, can't imagine what is going to be like after you've had sex.

So true. The red flags are enormous, but some people think it's cute.

He even text 'done' once he was finished. Not joking 🤣

He even text 'done' once he was finished

After his wank? How charming! WTF do you see in him?!!

I mean, that is disgusting. He has zero respect for you, OP. Zero.

If this is how he communicates with someone he's known a few weeks and is supposedly courting, imagine how he acts later. Ugh.

Bin, block and raise your standards. You don't exist for men's convenience.

Maybe you should pause dating for a while. Do the freedom programme and some other self-help work.

Please get out of OLD if you think the above is aceptable behaviour from a potential date OP. You’re not safe and not ready to be doing OLD.

Block. Decent men don't communicate with acquaintances that way.

And it's not funny.

Maybe he doesn't want to come across as pushy either. You mentioned about not being able to meet up a few times earlier due to your schedule. So perhaps he's playing it careful so not to come across as too needy himself.

You're overthinking it OP. He doesn't sound the most charming man tbf but I think he likes you. He doesn't seem to be putting on any airs and graces he's just being himself. One could take that to mean he feels comfortable with you, the other is to take it as though he is slovenly and should be making more of an effort at this stage (again to do with his personality not with him not liking you). It depends how you want to see it.

I’m confused, you have a babysitter but he was coming over to yours for sex? Where was the babysitter doing the babysitting?

Also, I agree with many that I don’t think you’re ready to date while your self-esteem is so low. When do you foresee this getting better? You’ll see him this weekend then there’ll be a week of texts which you will overthink and read way too much into, then a slight reprieve when you see each other again, then repeat. Sounds horrendous. If you both have children then there’s no chance that this arrangement will really change or your meets become more frequent in the near future either.

Work on yourself, everything else can follow. Dating shouldn’t be so exhausting.

wow, the bar of men is low on MN 😓

This. Sexting and banter is one thing, but you haven't even had sex yet!

I vote for binning this one off OP.

Despite coming here for advice, it looks to me as if OP’s going to ignore all the (mostly) good advice given to bin this absolute charmer and is intent on going ahead if he feigns interest.
This time next week she’ll be regretting she didn’t take heed. He would’ve got what he wanted, and she’ll be ghosted.
It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
OP: take control whilst you can. Tell this w⚓️ (pun intended) that you’re not up for it anymore, but if you feel it’s unreasonable to cancel your sitter then go out with a GF for dinner, drinks or a feel good movie. You can do this!

I can't believe the OP sent herself into a huge tailspin over his messages maybe being less funny when there was this huge wanking elephant in the room. Talk about focusing on the wrong problem.

Why are you so desperate to see this (literal) wanker OP? Is this really the kind of man you would consider bringing into your (and ultimately your kids) lives, a man you would be proud to be with??

Anyone that talks about sex or anything related to it before you’ve actually DTD is only after one thing in my opinion

@Duckling89 I agree with you, I don't think men who want to start a relationship with you will be telling you they're going for a wank because they've had a tough day 😅

I don't think it matters how you look to him. We can all see what he is- minging. PLEASE raise your bar and don't allow this crappy man anywhere near you. Also a vote for a night out with a friend and a feel good movie. Even staying in and watching a movie with your child or on your own would be better than this feeling like he expects sex and isn't going to get it. There is no way you will feel good after seeing this man and he's already causing you stress and anxiety. I doubt he's posting on dads net worrying about giving you the wrong impression for telling you about his wanking habits. Who does that?! I think you know deep down. It's good that his behaviour is giving your gut feeling alarm bells. And it's great that you haven't yet had sex with him. You don't need to feel any worse than this. I know the feeling of being ghosted or having a man who runs hot and cold and it's horrible. Thank goodness for your period. Do you actually want to rip his clothes off and have sex with him or do you think that by doing that you might establish a lovely relationship?! You need to value yourself and your gut is screaming at you to do so otherwise you would never have posted this thread.

He text back but didn't answer the question of whether he was still coming or not

Cannot believe you're still messaging with him