Newborn and smoking grand parents

[iverreacted]

My mum (baby's grand parent) is a smoker. I'm in the position where I have to live with my parents for a month with a new born. My mum smokes.

She doesn't smoke inside and instead goes to the shed. Obviously it's nearly minus degrees now and she has a separate coat she wears. However on the journey home she had a cigarette and wore the same coat and got in the car in the back next to him (we live 3 hours from the hospital). I wasn't allowed to sit in the back with my child.

AIBU in the risks of passive smoking?

A lot of us would have grown up with parents who smoked everywhere and somehow we survived.

I don’t think a smoky coat would do any harm.

Why not be grateful that she lets you live in her home and goes outside in the freezing cold for you and your child?

It’s her house 🤷‍♀️

What are you going to do if you get on a bus or a train and a smoker sits next to you. Plenty of kids grew up years ago in cars with parents actually smoking, and lived in houses where both parents smoked indoors. Not ideal but it happened and it hasn't killed off a generation.

I'm not destitute.

Asbestos wasn't a thing either, but now we know

Killed babies though. Would you intentionally do something you knew was harmful?

She smokes outside anyway

To be fair you could sit on a bus next to someone who has just smoked or in a hospital waiting room or any number of public spaces.

Did she smoke in the car next to the baby? Or just wear a coat she'd been smoking in before getting in the car?
If its the first of course YANBU and that is harmful to the baby's health. If it's the latter you're being very dramatic.

What do you mean
" I wasn't allowed to sit in the back with him " ?

Yes it is a slight risk to your child. However it will be minimal if she wears one coat just for that and smokes outside. Your choices are live with it or move out.

To face reality I'm sharing a small terrace home with a person who smokes 20 a day.....

What do you mean you weren't allowed to sit next to your baby??

So what are your options?

It’s fine. Relax.

It's not ideal but if she smokes outside and changes her coat, then that is marginally better.

Yes we know different nowadays but children decades ago would have been living in houses where both parents were smoking indoors often. I was born in the eighties to two smoking parents.

I'm confused what this means. If she was smoking in the car next to the baby, then yes, that's horrible.
But if she merely smoked and then got in the car afterwards, no. Secondhand smoke is a thing, but it doesn't come from having smoke stained clothes.

We had a pit stop to change baby and she had a cigarette and got back in the car.

Yes it does.

I wouldn't worry about it. She smokes outside, I'm not sure how much risk your baby is from 3rd hand smoke. If you worried move out.

What do you want to happen? You can either talk to her about it if you're convinced it's an issue, or move out.

Sitting near someone who smells of smoke isn't passive smoking.
If she smokes outside and nowhere near the baby - it's fine.

Our midwife told us that if anyone smoked they were not to handle baby. She told my husband if he smoked he would have to shower and change clothes before handling baby. So medical professionals see it as a risk. Awkward for you though.

I think that it's more worrying that you wasn't allowed to sit by your baby, are they often pulling shit like that?
Take no notice of the 'we all grew up with smoking and survived ' brigade. The doctor could see the negative effect of passive smoking on my lung scan. My DP is currently going through a breathing diagnosis and once again the consultant has said that he's seeing lots of 55+ year olds with lung issues related to passive smoking. It's after 50 things start to show up. We don't know on top what repeatedly getting COVID will do.

Yes I think you're being unreasonable in your assessment of the risks but that's your perogative.

Why are you living with her for a month? Do you have other options?

Well if you don't like it move out. And if you don't like sitting in a car after she's had one then get a taxi home 3 hours away.

It's called third hand smoking.
The chemicals in thirdhand smoke include nicotine as well as cancer-causing substances such as formaldehyde, naphthalene and others. Thirdhand smoke builds up on surfaces over time. It can become embedded in most soft surfaces such as clothing, furniture, drapes, bedding and carpets.
https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/04/health/thirdhand-smoke-wellness/index.html