Newborn and smoking grand parents

[iverreacted]

My mum (baby's grand parent) is a smoker. I'm in the position where I have to live with my parents for a month with a new born. My mum smokes.

She doesn't smoke inside and instead goes to the shed. Obviously it's nearly minus degrees now and she has a separate coat she wears. However on the journey home she had a cigarette and wore the same coat and got in the car in the back next to him (we live 3 hours from the hospital). I wasn't allowed to sit in the back with my child.

AIBU in the risks of passive smoking?

And you are a complete fucking batshit fruitbat who took it upon yourself to berate me for something fairly petty on the internet.

I guess we all have our crosses to bear.

I find it worrying that you think smoking and vaping around children is “petty” considering how damaging it is to their health.

You are aware of the dangers of second and third hand smoke?

It is not being a troll to point out that your husband (and by extension you too) put his addiction above the health of your own children, and still continue to do so.

And the winner of the who can win the competition for the nastiest, most judgemental and smug poster of the thread is…

@ThePineapplePrincess The way in which you have responded on this thread is really quite vile.

I think a lot of people latch on when the issue is smoking as it seems to invoke a response in people that other things simply don’t. I don’t personally smoke and neither does DH, so this isn’t even a case of me being personally bothered by this, but there is no need for the way you’ve replied to this poster at all.

There are lots of things that parents do that can harm their child and have an impact on their health. Probably the biggest most common one- your weight, BMI, your lifestyle. There are many studies which show that a child with one overweight parent has a 50% of being obese, if a child has two overweight parents then that chance is 80%. Now being overweight and unhealthy brings with it many health risks, but I wonder if you’d be here berating another mum if she was saying she was overweight? I wonder if you’d walk up to an overweight family in McDonald’s and spew this hatred at them? I wonder if you can confidently say you are a fit and healthy family, all a healthy BMI?

There are risks associated with looking after your child and consuming alcohol- are you saying neither you or your DH have ever had a glass of wine while with/in the house with your children? You never have any alcohol in the house? You both never drink a drop?

I’m not saying smoking around kids is good or fine, it’s obviously not. But there are lots and lots of things that parents are guilty of that are also not good for kids, too many takeaways, not enough exercise etc etc. People in glass houses… unless you can sit there and say you are the absolute perfect parent, you have no right to berate others.

@Mrsttcno1 Actually we don’t drink alcohol, have never smoked and have never been overweight. We all have healthy BMIs.

There are risks that just come with life, and then there are those, like smoking, that are simply unnecessary. Deliberately allowing your child to come to harm is neglectful.

🤣 okay chick I believe you! I’ll tell you what is very harmful for children though, and that’s being raised by someone who speaks cruelly to other people, someone who is so judgemental they literally can’t see past themselves.

There are lots of risks that come with life, and there are some that are unnecessary but that people do anyway. Fast food as an example, it’s unnecessary, it’s not good for us, but we still indulge in it occasionally. We are all human, we don’t just all only do what is NECESSARY.

And luckily for you, nobody is going to force their choices on you. You don’t have to smoke, you don’t have to drink, you don’t have to eat fast food, but you also don’t have to judge or speak down to people who make different choices to you.

@Mrsttcno1 I don’t need to smoke, no, and thankfully I’m not stupid enough to ever do so, but smokers are selfish, and they inflict their abhorrent addiction on everyone else around them.

It’s reprehensible enough that they would neglect their own children’s health, but once your choice starts to impact on me and my family, you can bet your arse I’ll judge you to fuck for it.

If she's smoking outside she's already significantly decreased THS risk.
If she washes her hands after a cigarette - this would further decrease risk.
If she takes her coat off (that has covered her sleeves etc) this further decreases risk.

I may be "uneducated" but by the above point^ I would anticipate the risk of THS from an outdoor smoker who has washed hands and removed the covering most likely to contain THS that the risk of THS would be below the risk of ordinary pervasive pollution.

You really don't want to listen to other people's opinions, you are perfectly certain that you are right, so I don't see the point in starting the thread.
You know what the options are - either deal with it by accepting that she smokes, or move out.

Honestly, I think given the choice I’d rather have a parent who went outside into the garden for the odd cigarette, than a parent who speaks to, and about, people the absolutely vile way that you do.

Every single reply you post is just more and more vile.

@Mrsttcno1 That’s the thing though, isn’t it. We don’t get to choose our parents. Some poor kids are stuck with parents who put their addictions above them 🤷‍♀️

And much worse off are kids with narcissists for parents with deep seated insecurities and a desperate need to appear perfect at all times, even to strangers on the internet.

I don’t claim to be perfect I’ve never smoked and I don’t drink alcohol for a multitude of reasons.

I’m not a super healthy eater either, just a healthy weight and BMI. None of those are being perfect, I think they’re just basic.

I am curious about these insecurities you refer to, though!

Ffs his for this thread show the true light of women

OP of course you are not wrong to want to protect your new born baby from a proven risk, that can be prevented.

No one should be holding a baby after they have had a smoke, i mean why on earth anyone would even think of breathing ciggy breath all over a baby or stinky fingers and clothes pushed all over them is beyond me. Its disgusting.

My DM didn't let anyone smoke near my DB or smother them in cigarette stench and that was 40 years ago, then obviously me as well. He had asthma and people knew then it was bad for him. So she did the right thing and put her kids first. Her friends and family respected her choice (or they would have been told to leave, that was never needed though).

The tough thing that faces you though OP, is a parent uneducated on the subject and by the sounds of it, selfishly putting her needs before the baby.
You need to just stay fixed on no contact with baby unless safe (and not disgusting) for said baby.

OP your concerns are valid, just wish more people accepted this.

Thank you.

Some really bitchy replies to Op on here.

In fairness the OP has been pretty rude and bitchy back

If you don't like it move out.

Can you not see the irony.....

You think you know best so what is the point of it all?

Bloody hell, rude rude.
Smoking is horrible. She's not smoking in front of your baby. You're stuck for a month there, apparently.
So stick it out, appreciate what she does do, i.e not smoke near your baby and let you live there, or go somewhere else.
Unfortunately, in life we can't all have what we want or need, when we want or need it.

But your rudeness to people trying to advise you is astounding. Having just had a baby is no excuse for that.

Think we've found the smoker

What's the matter with you?? For what it's worth, and that's nothing, I'm not a smoker and never have smoked, it's disgusting. But so is your attitude. Definitely something wrong with your reasoning abilities.

And I suggest you speak to your Health Visitor about your mental health. I mean that kindly, sounds like you're going through a stressful time.